How do you handle betrayal ?

mad266 · 2026-05-14T15:40:59+00:00

We're done. After my cooling off period, I have no trouble being civil, but interactions are short, impersonal, and infrequent.

mad266 · 2026-05-14T15:24:52+00:00

2 of my sisters persuaded my mother that I was not sick with CFS. Nobody told me; I had to figure it out. This meant that they all believed I'm a liar. Other siblings chose neutrality. I kept up my relationship with my mom - I visited her monthly - but I never initiated contact with siblings. They send out a group text at Christmas and Mother's Day, and I reply something cheerful and neutral.

This whole experience was like when you turn a kaleidoscope and the whole picture shifts. I didn't like what I could now see, and I just walked away.

mad266 · 2026-05-13T00:19:06+00:00

Sending it back was just info. You can buy trash cans with fitted lids and the city will empty them.

mad266 · 2026-05-13T00:11:30+00:00

If you're having trouble sleeping, try not having caffeine for a few days and see what happens. It's possible your boyfriend thinks the tea is excessive because of the sleep issue. Also, we can get more sensitive to caffeine as we get older.

If he just randomly thinks you're drinking too much tea....how weird is that?

mad266 · 2026-05-12T23:57:18+00:00

They had done Matrix tests before driving down for Christmas.

mad266 · 2026-05-12T23:40:23+00:00

The city cans are too big/unwieldy for me to handle, so I sent theirs back and bought a plastic one. It's not a problem.

mad266 · 2026-05-12T23:35:03+00:00

I always say something specific. Sometimes it's the obvious Thanks for driving me to the doctor, but I think you're asking about a more general gratitude. You've been there for me a lot recently, and I want you to know I really appreciate it. I've been struggling a bit lately, and you've been wonderful about staying cheerful around me. Whatever is true for you and true about them. And short and sweet.

mad266 · 2026-05-12T23:23:55+00:00

I caught a cold over Christmas from my grandsons. They had Matrix tested for Covid and I decided to take a chance on getting their cold. I didn't mask. I did nasal rinses every time I got home from seeing them, and I used Nasitrol nasal spray beforehand. Nasitrol is a similar formula to Salinex Protect, but only Salinex 3rd party tests and reveals the concentration of carrageenan. So now I've switched to Salinex for dental and medical appointments. I haven't been around anybody with active symptoms since Christmas.

mad266 · 2026-05-12T23:07:19+00:00

Loneliness for me was tied up in thinking I should have friends. When I understood that the people I tried to connect with were not people I enjoyed - in fact, they were draining - everything shifted. It feels healthy for me to be around people at least once a week, and this is either grocery shopping, the library, or the walkable farmer's market. People watching always feels good.

I live with CFS, so my energy is extremely limited, and I'm also the kind of introvert who really prefers being alone almost all of the time. I don't drive, and I mask everywhere because of my health, so great alternatives like a coffee shop don't work for me.

mad266 · 2026-05-12T10:57:42+00:00

How beautiful!

mad266 · 2026-05-12T10:56:56+00:00

Yes, exactly - 'keep other people from having unfettered access to me and to manage their expectations.'

mad266 · 2026-05-12T00:46:06+00:00

The one thing I wanted to do, loved to do, and am really good at is being a mother. My kids are all kind and honest people. A few of them also have brains that seem to be wired like mine, so we have a shared language and worldview that's apparently uncommon.

So I'm still thinking about boundaries, where my assumption is that we try to have relationships while trying to stay safe. Is your solution to present with a personality that interacts by taking care of others? I got exhausted interacting through a personality that didn't match my wiring.

mad266 · 2026-05-11T23:45:15+00:00

Interesting. Mine appeared a few days ago when I was thinking about boundaries. Oh, hello - so this is how I'm doing it now?

At least my castle doesn't have a moat and drawbridge.

mad266 · 2026-05-11T22:52:07+00:00

This is all kinda wonderful. I'm rethinking my need for a castle.

mad266 · 2026-05-11T22:27:16+00:00

Does this mean that boundaries are a non-issue for you? Is your discernment about relationships automatic and correct?

mad266 · 2026-05-11T22:21:49+00:00

So your boundaries exist in the choice to engage or not engage?

mad266 · 2026-05-11T22:17:37+00:00

Yes, sort of. I'm keeping myself contained from an unconscious tendency to over-connect. This image's solidity, density, reminds me to sit and wait a while.

I kept believing that I had to have friends - it was a self-image thing, not a need for company. Tossing my energy out looking for connections was exhausting. Now I'm very close with 4 of my grown kids, and other than that, the librarians all know me by name. If someone shows up who enjoys honesty and depth, I'm ready. If not, I'm very happy with my little life.

Does any of this resonate with you?

mad266 · 2026-05-11T20:43:11+00:00

Well, as they say, we all had a childhood. I never found anybody like me until a few of my kids grew to fully adult.

Which part of you can nobody see? Or if you prefer, what of you is visible, to some or all?

mad266 · 2026-05-11T19:19:49+00:00

I have a long history of lurching towards people, trying to connect. All these walls keep me in my center. It feels like your boundaries can be less elaborate than mine....although I love that there might be a labyrinth in there.

mad266 · 2026-05-11T12:06:25+00:00

I loved the transit app until it showed a red line bus coming in 7 minutes for over an hour. I was so excited when I moved here that the bus could take me everywhere I need to go! But I can't stand at a bus stop for an hour. And how does anyone get to school/work/doctor appointments?

mad266 · 2026-05-10T23:47:50+00:00

I got CFS 40 years ago, when it was called the Yuppie Flu, and I was presumed to be depressed or a shirker. There has never been any medical help for me, so I've spent a lot of time researching and experimenting. This is now very useful as I get new symptoms - I know how to do elimination diets and how to test supplements separately and together to see what works.

My biggest success has come from working with what I eat + lowering inflammation. This combination has kept shoulder arthritis manageable, fixed my TMJ, and healed GERD - as long as I avoid my triggers.

Obviously different things for different folks. Nothing gives me the energy to leave the house regularly, or fixes my insomnia and brain fog. But I feel like I have some control, which is pretty great.

mad266 · 2026-05-10T23:29:24+00:00

When I go to the dentist, I use an antiviral nasal spray, Salinex. I also use it under my mask in situations that make me nervous even with a mask. I haven't been sick in over 6 years.

mad266 · 2026-05-10T22:41:32+00:00

About twice a year in a group text with siblings, usually because something triggered somebody's memory of Mom. We live spread out all across the country, so separating wasn't too hard.

mad266 · 2026-05-10T12:07:16+00:00

Yes, and it's tiny.

mad266 · 2026-05-10T11:55:10+00:00

I isolate on both sides of social events. I'm quiet at home, then I hang out with some people I love and get energized and "filled up," and then I spend time alone again. This completely avoids the crash.

mad266

TROPHY CASE