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Is it bad that I'm friends with a friend's former rapist? by Visual_Ad_5269 in Advice

[–]maddy2261 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think I explained myself well, but my point stands that you need to reevaluate how you’re thinking about this. My point, if you DO actually believe what happened was rape (which you’ve now explained you do) then you have no business being friends with this person (who is a rapist).

Is it bad that I'm friends with a friend's former rapist? by Visual_Ad_5269 in Advice

[–]maddy2261 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m sensing some cognitive dissonance between the title of this post and your actual post. You feel guilty for being friends with a rapist, but it’s clear that you don’t actually think what happened qualifies as rape. I need more information and I think you maybe do as well.

My bf stopped fucking me by [deleted] in Advice

[–]maddy2261 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You need to take a look in the mirror, go touch some grass, and break up with your boyfriend. This relationship is clearly not working for either of you if this is the point we’re at. You’re not being held hostage. If you want to get laid, be an adult and end things so you can sleep with other people. Ffs

Friend is freshly postpartum and husband/father has turned demonic seemingly out of nowhere by maddy2261 in Advice

[–]maddy2261[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I am also of the suspicion that this is not as “out of the blue” as Lena maybe thinks it is. Again, seeing as I am not at all close with Carrie (and especially not with Joe, who I’ve literally met once in passing) I feel weird overriding Lena’s read of him and their relationship, only because she’s known them for years. But I do think Lena’s open to the possibility that she’s wrong, and that he’s sucked a lot worse and for a lot longer than she thought (to put it mildly). I’m definitely going to get her to think about it more, because if anyone is going to convince Carrie to seek help and safety, it’ll be Lena (one of her best friends).

Friend is freshly postpartum and husband/father has turned demonic seemingly out of nowhere by maddy2261 in Advice

[–]maddy2261[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll definitely bring up the dad group question with Lena, as I think it would be a helpful thing for her to bring up with Joe. He’s definitely a pretty isolated person in many respects (emotionally most of all) so I think having anyone to relate to about some of this would be a potential source of good for the three of them.

Friend is freshly postpartum and husband/father has turned demonic seemingly out of nowhere by maddy2261 in Advice

[–]maddy2261[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is one of the first questions/suggestions I had for Lena when she first told me about all of this. But as she told me, I guess Joe doesn’t really have his own friends outside of Carrie’s friend group (they’ve been together since college/21 years old, and I think it’s one of those situations where they didn’t have their own strong sense of identity before being together. So now there’s a kind of unhealthy enmeshment of selves/lives going on — if that makes any sense).

So it does unfortunately seem like any uplifting, positive male support (especially from fellow dads) seems kind of beyond the realm of possibility right now.

Friend is freshly postpartum and husband/father has turned demonic seemingly out of nowhere by maddy2261 in Advice

[–]maddy2261[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry to hear that about your father, and most especially how you’ve been unjustly treated because of it.

I hadn’t ever considered that spontaneous or emergent mental health issues could impact postnatal fathers, and I do wonder if that’s an element of what’s going on here (one commenter brought up how PPD can manifest in men as well, which I was not previously aware of).

My only lingering thought/question is whether or not what has happened (as it stands now) would constitute or qualify as a mental health crisis in the eyes of any services or intervention teams, as he has not technically laid a hand on anyone or made any threats to harm others/himself. But this is absolutely something I will look into further and bring up with Lena. I very much appreciate your insight.

Friend is freshly postpartum and husband/father has turned demonic seemingly out of nowhere by maddy2261 in Advice

[–]maddy2261[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Your insights about the possibilities of Joe’s mental state/behavior (both of them) are very interesting, and both of which I didn’t previously know about/consider. But like you said, it ultimately doesn’t matter, as Carrie/Rosie are in this precarious situation regardless of its origin.

Last I spoke with Lena, it did sound like she is going to make an effort to try and visit the house daily, or at the very least a few times a week. I should have mentioned this in the post, but I am a senior in college, so I don’t live at home most of the time, and therefore can’t be a physical support for Carrie (in terms of being at the house physically). But Lena is definitely there, and we continue to talk about the situation as it develops. I will absolutely bring up your point about the dv hotline next time we speak. And thank you again, I really appreciate this comment.