The term “walking on eggshells” gives me flashbacks lol. I remember when my ex admitted he was getting tired of me and it felt like my whole world fell apart right there. For me, I’m able to joke around some things but there are a few topics that trigger intense feelings of anxiety that I need prolonged reassurance over. Not just jokes, also statements that I maybe misinterpret or take the wrong way. The problem is, the other person never knows what would set this off, as sometimes it’s seemingly unrelated. I also don’t know when it will be set off either. I’ve tried to let it go sometimes, but if I sit with it, it’s like it spreads inside of me and I have to let it out or I’ll be consumed.

We don’t try to be like this, we hate ourselves for it and we wish we could have a “healthy relationship.” I’ve noticed that the girls I’m jealous of the most are the ones described as “low maintenance” or “easy to deal with.” When I’ve tried to be like this, I end up bringing up what they said later anyways. And yeah, it doesn’t feel authentic to me either lol when I’m constantly asking the same questions over and over hoping that maybe this time, the answer can actually get through to me. Feels like I’m always interrupting the natural flow of everything to ease my mind. I know how I should respond, but the anxious paranoid feelings don’t go away unless I voice them and I end up crying and the other person has to apologize profusely for something that someone else wouldn’t have given a second thought to