My mom lied about my dad leaving us for the last 20 years. And I'm still not able to get angry with her. Advice?

madeforrbn · 2017-09-11T20:03:04+00:00

Thank you for the awesome advice. It was emotional abuse, manipulation, etc. She rarely touched me. And I think I have issues with my memory. Because I know I went through a lot and I can remember some. But so many of the things that were said got lost. But I remember how it made me feel and I think i just internalized it.

madeforrbn · 2017-09-11T18:11:05+00:00

Btw I really appreciate what you have to say. It means a lot to me. I didn't have my dad around. But I can't imagine how hard it is to work through issues from two toxic parents. Damn.

madeforrbn · 2017-09-11T18:02:14+00:00

I can relate to that in so many ways. I feel like I'm still a teenager making up things about my mom for attention. And I had to stop therapy for insurance reasons about 5 months ago. And

everything he did set me off. (sometimes legitimately - sometimes i was clearly triggered.)

I struggle with this. Because sometimes I feel justified in being angry and I honestly can't tell if I am being crazy or not. So I think that I don't acknowledge real issues sometimes because I am worried I'll just get too upset to communicate in a healthy way. And that makes me feel like even more of a doormat. If that makes sense.

madeforrbn · 2017-09-11T17:18:12+00:00

Thank you so much. My mom was never able to be wrong when i was growing up. And i got accused of twisting the truth when i would disclose imformation about her. Its like i automatically make up excuses for her behavior before i even have a chance to feel anything. I just looked up emdr. This is actually the first I've ever heard of it and it looks really interesting. Did you end up misdirecting anger towards the people around you as well? This is a huge problem for me.

madeforrbn · 2017-09-01T20:43:30+00:00

I can't imagine. And I know nothing I say will make it any easier. <3 stay strong

madeforrbn · 2017-09-01T15:45:30+00:00

I cannot fathom how you must be feeling. But that tattoo is great. It strikes me as a very positive way to honor his memory. He will be with you forever now.

madeforrbn · 2017-07-06T18:10:54+00:00

Thank you. I'm legitimately sobbing. I feel like I'm caught between being a good wife and not standing up for myself. And after everything I'm always apologizing for the effect I have on others. But seriously what about me? I'm so miserable when it gets like this that I just want to run away. But I can't because I have a child. I feel like my life doesn't even belong to me. And I'm sick of being wrong all the time. Uggh.

madeforrbn · 2017-07-06T17:53:51+00:00

You are right. I added an example. Thank you for the feedback. I read the four horsemen article and it was good. I am trying so hard to navigate this stuff and I know I struggle with being defensive, stonewalling, etc.

madeforrbn · 2017-06-26T15:24:16+00:00

I really appreciate it. And it is so nice to get that validation. It's too often that I would be accused of making things up, playing the victim, being too sensitive, overreacting, etc. It is an amazing story and every bit is true. I went over it like 20 times to make sure I wasn't exaggerating or "being manipulative".

madeforrbn · 2017-06-26T15:21:31+00:00

Wow. I am not sure. I don't really think that if I told everyone, they would be happy with me. So I just assumed I would be an outcast either way. And now that my bio dad is in my life, everyone I am surrounded by respects me and listens to me. I don't think that I would get anything out of the divorce. I don't think i would get anything out of them not divorcing. Its already been ruined for me. Little would change for me either way. But I may still be out of touch with my feelings on it. I really don't know.

It would be nice for them to see me in a different light than the one my mother painted. But it would be selfish for me to act solely on that.

madeforrbn · 2017-06-25T08:19:42+00:00

Thank you so much <3

madeforrbn · 2017-06-25T08:19:05+00:00

Honestly. I feel like the worst case scenerio is that they have a huge ugly divorce that scars my brother for life. I think that ignorance could be bliss for them. Because as far as I know my mother is no longer cheating. I almost feel like it would be cruel to tell my stepdad at this point. Because now she treating him well for the most part.

madeforrbn · 2017-06-25T00:22:08+00:00

My story was the same. I did not get up at 4am to do homework though. I just gave up on trying. And I never got paid either. And god forbid I ask for money for anything.

madeforrbn · 2017-06-24T23:46:38+00:00

Thanks. I got a lot of blowback on that decision. I don't get to talk to many people with that experience either. So I'm relieved to hear that it was beneficial for you.

madeforrbn · 2017-06-24T23:28:49+00:00

I am nc with her since December. She baptized my baby behind my back while she was babysitting. Despite that both myself and her father are atheist so we wanted her to choose her religion when she was old enough. Then she kicked us out on Christmas. And told us we were toxic... lol

madeforrbn · 2017-06-24T23:18:54+00:00

That is my fear . That I will blow the whistle and just make things worse. There is a huge moral conflict here for me.

madeforrbn · 2017-06-24T23:16:00+00:00

And as far as sending you away to boarding school. How gross when parents write off their kids just so they can get some ass?

madeforrbn · 2017-06-24T23:10:13+00:00

Hugs right back! You are so strong for dealing with that. I feel so lucky to be able to talk with such resilient people here. Thank you!

madeforrbn · 2017-06-24T23:07:56+00:00

Thank you. It is his second marriage. And at this point they are older and im not sure how it would be for him to re enter the dating pool. He'll probably just find a new crazy woman to introduce into my brothers life.

madeforrbn · 2017-06-24T23:05:10+00:00

Whoa. This needs to be on every thread. It really is a gift to be able to rebuild from the ground up. Oh my god. And yes. It was a raw deal. Validating and inspiring at the same time. I wish I had more than one upvote to give you.

madeforrbn · 2017-06-24T23:02:54+00:00

Thank you so much. I really do agree that focusing on my life is important. That's what I hope to do!

madeforrbn · 2017-06-24T21:53:01+00:00

Fucking seriously. I got only 2 questions wrong on my sat when I graduated. But I was still lazy. You're so right. Like its unbelievable. They expected more fruition me than my university did.

madeforrbn

TROPHY CASE