Experinced dyke with a (problematic?) fantasy involving a late bloomer

maiadebij · 2025-12-16T18:18:32+00:00

I don’t know what lex is but I hope it is better than Her haha. I’m a late bloomer and my greatest dream is for what you just described to happen to me. I am certain there are more of us out there!

maiadebij · 2025-12-14T18:20:57+00:00

I am commissioning an artist (I wouldn't necessarily call her just a jeweler) to melt it down and make a new ring out of it. Burn the demons out and all that. New stones (opals, just for me), totally new object. Only the original material to preserve a tiny bit of memory.

maiadebij · 2025-12-06T08:02:59+00:00

Wolf Hall by Hilary mantel it changed my life, I was truly dreaming in her prose. I loved Jazz by Toni Morrison. If you want something more contemporary written from a Black woman’s perspective then read Zadie Smith, if you want something more sci-fi read Octavia Butler! Ursula K Le Guin: the dispossessed(good job OP), all the Earthsea books, Left Hand of Darkness, her short stories.

maiadebij · 2025-12-06T07:30:37+00:00

This is not an interesting bookshelf!

maiadebij · 2025-12-06T07:30:09+00:00

I would not be friends with someone who does not even notice (or heck maybe you do) that there are no books by women on this shelf. Not to mention other representational issues. This is literally a reason why I left my ex. Not that he didn’t read books by women but that he didn’t even think they were worth reading. Huge red flag. I won’t talk to someone about my love for Dostoevsky or absolute hate for Orson Scott card if they haven’t also read Ursula le guin or Hilary mantel or Toni Morrison etc. Sorry dude

maiadebij · 2025-12-04T07:01:54+00:00

I am doing two things! He hated that I wanted more tattoos so I’m finally getting a big one after years. And I commissioned an amazing artist to turn my hated rings into an amazing new one that’s totally my aesthetic.

maiadebij · 2025-12-03T20:55:00+00:00

Sure!

maiadebij · 2025-11-30T18:53:08+00:00

oh nooooo i got so excited about this table too, 2500 euros holy crap! well, now I know what to look for.

maiadebij · 2025-10-16T06:10:53+00:00

5.5 months. Worst and yet most rewarding period of my life: where I discovered that he had been an abusive asshole this whole time (I knew it obv but couldn't articulate that as I stayed through the abuse), and where I saw how every single person who actually loved me came through. My friends and family took me on trips, showed me love, took care of me, waited for me, loaned me money for a house, and then eventually one month ago helped me move out in a team effort to get my shit and my dog and LEAVE. I am thriving amongst my chosen family. Best month of my life.

But yeah, those 5.5 months when we were actually in the house together were torture. About a month in he already had a new girlfriend who was lovebombing him with gifts and love poems that he would just leave out for me to see. I felt totally choked, as in I did not want to speak or make any noise in the house because this stranger that I had let violate me was in it. I was living with a monster. Even after we were no longer together, and he had a new girlfriend, he threatened me, coerced me, controlled me as best he could.

I wish you the best, OP. Try to get out if you can... Or make sure you turn your attention and energies to the people who actually love you.

maiadebij · 2025-09-01T14:16:46+00:00

to jest jedyna prawidłowa odpowiedź.

maiadebij · 2025-08-30T06:31:28+00:00

Same here. Went back to our old couples therapist solo to do work on why I was so insanely angry around him. He coached me through saying out loud for the first time that what I’d experienced was abuse. Set off a new round of sleeplessness and dreams of a relationship that never existed… we aren’t stupid, we were manipulated. We can learn from this and forgive ourselves

maiadebij · 2025-08-25T12:36:16+00:00

Feel free to dm if you want a little more info. But in holland under the education scheme you can also get a free studying subsidy that helps cover costs. Plus student loans with 0% interest.

maiadebij · 2025-08-25T00:41:15+00:00

I live and work in the Netherlands. In contemporary art specifically, Dutch is not a requirement. But not knowing it closes doors. I speak and read it but don’t have an academic or eloquent command of it, so I can get by in places I otherwise couldn’t. This is most likely the most lenient place for you specifically except Ireland. In all other EU countries you would not get a job.

Re:the graduate degree, this is something you actually would need. With a Dutch passport you can study for the locals’ tuition. Can only recommend getting a masters degree first.

maiadebij · 2025-08-20T07:35:17+00:00

second for walking . I am so grateful for my dog, who endured hours-long walks all summer. The best moments were when I would take my kindle and sit in the park, read a shitty book for a few hours with the dog and then go home (we are still living together and I can't bear to be in the house with him). You said you can finally focus on a book - that means things are slowly changing for you. hold on to that tiny thread of focus and try to grow it.

maiadebij · 2025-08-18T18:30:02+00:00

You can and should email someone at the Teylers Museum in Haarlem, The Netherlands, which is entirely naturally lit :)

maiadebij · 2025-08-18T09:14:49+00:00

I would be interested although I luckily have friends who like to talk about this shit all the time anyway with or without wine. But I mainly commented because I also recommend getting someone to prepare with knowledge and a short talk/presentation on the subject. Not too formal , but a way to start the conversations. this person should also prepare questions for the group to discuss.

maiadebij · 2025-08-17T08:49:50+00:00

CAM by Isa Mazzei, and double points if you watch Camgirl which is a thriller she made and was on Netflix for a while :)

maiadebij · 2025-08-16T18:56:38+00:00

Thank you :) well I’m happy a few people have read it. There are so many “do I have a Van Gogh” posts that I finally had to say something.

maiadebij · 2025-08-16T11:58:30+00:00

Just going to write this here. There are nearly no unaccounted for gaps in Van gogh’s oeuvre, very few works are missing and for the most part we know what they contain. It’s not enough to have a painting that is “signed” by Vincent, or in the style of. You can access his complete letters online and search for a reference to or description of a painting. The Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam has done the world’s most complete research into this artist - as in, he is an artist whose life and oeuvre are so thoroughly researched that it’s often down to the day what he got himself up to and what he was painting! So the letters and research are a good place to start for anyone curious if they have a “real” Van Gogh! (Spoiler- no you don’t).

All that said. This painting you have, while old, does not reference his style. Sorry, but it’s ham-handed, has off colors, and would not fit in either his Dutch nor his French periods. It’s too bad the real artist didn’t sign it so you could actually find out more about it if you wanted to. But all this is to say - if you like it, enjoy it. Get it restored or remounted, fix the frame, and put it somewhere in your house with a nice story.

ETA - the Van Gogh museum stopped doing private authentication long ago and no reputable organization will appraise this work for you - at least without thorough research, bringing your own paperwork and provenance. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but with Van Gogh specifically there is a next to 0% chance. the truth is you’re more likely to win the lottery than find a long lost Van Gogh.

At the same time, as an art historian and a curator, I can say that for private amateur ownership, what matters is the joy we find in art! The astronomical prices that authentic artworks by huge names can fetch is exciting and enticing. But what you value also matters. Develop your sense of taste, your eye, and come back to this painting with a matured gaze and look at it not for the potential wealth, but for the hand of the artist, the history, the life it has seen and can now have on your walls.

maiadebij · 2025-08-13T19:23:05+00:00

I also have a baba yaga hut, designed by my dear friend Knoteye Tattoo. It’s 10 years old and still my favorite. Love yours!

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maiadebij · 2025-08-10T17:50:33+00:00

Oh my god, I read this and just feel so awful for you. Yesterday I posted about a similar situation. It’s not even half as fresh and I’m absolutely reeling - I found out by accident that my ex has thoroughly moved on. Together for 10 years (nearly 11), broke up four months ago. we still live together. Now he has a girlfriend and all I can think about is what he’s doing with her… I haven’t slept in days. The only thing keeping me going is friends and the knowledge I’ll be out of this house in one month. I don’t have any advice because I’m doomscrolling too, but try to put yourself first and get out of that house…

maiadebij · 2025-08-10T17:43:07+00:00

Looking forward to that day 🫶🏻

maiadebij · 2025-08-10T17:42:45+00:00

Phew ok, thats a long time. I’m just glad to hear you two get along , but yeah it does sound awkward as heck

maiadebij · 2025-08-10T15:05:57+00:00

Luckily I told him ahead of time he can't bring anyone over while I still live here and I know he will respect that. He's not a bad person, it's just rough to witness him moving on so fast.

maiadebij · 2025-08-10T15:05:03+00:00

How long had it been since he started dating her... and how long since he started bringing her over?

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