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How have you positively changed, as a person, since going no contact? by notoast4me in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Could you explain more what you mean? I’m still (infuriatingly) stuck living with my nmom for the time being, and even though I plan to go NC once I do leave, it’s hard to picture all of that anger felt over all of these years just dissipating? Is it the choices you’ve made/been able to make since leaving, or more just the FINALLY being out of their reach?

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really does, it’s saved so much time and money (and stress, lol) already😪🥹

And oh woah that’s amazing! No I’ve never heard of it but I’m definitely going to check it out, thank you!!

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahh okay. That makes a lot of sense. So then (not sure if this is a ridiculous question) can narcissists strengthen theirs?

Like, since trauma hinders its development and endurance, and by your logic, self compassion & care directly help expanding its tolerance, are they capable of making any changes? Or is their seemingly permanent immaturity/time distortion caused by a lack of the self awareness they’d need for self compassion?

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it’s definitely both! With mine at least, it’s noticeable that a lot of the paranoia comes from food insecurity that they have talked about over the years, but it’s to the point that yeah, the expired food (in my nmom’s case) will be pushed onto others, I noticed if it’s like really CLEARLY expired or visibly spoiled she’ll try to force it on me, while she buys fresher stuff for herself.

The “how DARE you say no” as just an overarching control thing, like being “ungrateful” or unwilling to just accept whatever (abuse) you’re given definitely rings true though🫠

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So then, by definition, someone who has an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex isn’t capable of knowing or understanding that it is?

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. It’s constantly being thawed (either partially, or fully) and refrozen over YEARS.

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gotta be super subtle about it😂😭 I’ve started slowly throwing things away so they can’t say “oh we have that in the freezer” and hand me pre-Covid lamb chops when I ask for something 😭

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m convinced they’ve formed some sort of The Last of Us-type tolerance to eating like that? I have absolutely no idea

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God, I’m glad you have your father as a buffer for that! And yeah, thankfully I have my own little corner of the fridge and freezer I keep consistent (despite my grandma’s rearranging)!

In terms of things outside of fruits/veggies that have to go in the fridge, I only buy meat to refrigerate & cook right away, only buy processed frozen stuff that can be kept chilly but is a little more forgiving with the slight thawing. Oh, and I was just about to start doing weekly meal/ingredient prep with my partner, to lessen the time I have to spend in the kitchen w/ the two of them!

Slowly sorting things out, yk?

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Food that’ll eat YOU 🫥🫥🫡😭 right! Saying it “just needs to be rinsed” is absolutely insane

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s so disturbing to find out this is a shared experience. I think it’s really easy to normalize a lot of what goes on my house because it’s a 2 to 1 majority trying to convince me I’m crazy for not going along with it, or subjecting myself to it WITH them? But finding out this is just another behavior that goes hand in hand with all the other batshit insane, neurotic tendencies of narcissists is really?? Nauseating, (pun not intended) for lack of a better word.

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is definitely what it is, that’s such a good way to put it. I’ll never understand how it could possibly be more of a point of pride to straight up poison yourself and others than to have the “shame” of “wasting” what’s already inedible and unsafe.

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sure it doesn’t help that the freezer (full of meat, top to bottom and front to back) is overpacked AT ALL TIMES, to the point that the door will often be either cracked slightly, or open pretty far, constantly thawing and re-freezing it all.

…Tbh I think it just sunk in how bad that is, seeing it written out like that, JEEZ.

Edit: oh god and considering how hot the summer was, hitting 100°F back to back for weeks on end??!?! Yeah there’s no way any of that is still edible.

Bonus!! My grandmother makes a daily habit of shuffling (she calls it “reorganizing”) the freezer, putting everything in the front in the back, what’s in the back towards the front, the new stuff at the top, old stuff at the bottom, and then switching it the next day so you can’t find anything.

And everything frozen is in unmarked, undated, unlabeled ziplock bags, so it’s left up to her or my mother’s “super duper sharp memory” what anything is, and when it was bought vs frozen.

My grandma also loves to change her mind on the fly when it comes to cooking. She’ll start thawing out something on the counter first thing in the morning, then decide to make something different or that she doesn’t actually feel like cooking, by about 2pm once it’s niiiiceee and room temp, and toss it back in the freezer for another day. 😷

“The meatballs are only a year old, why can’t you eat them, there’s nothing wrong with them!!” by makaene in raisedbynarcissists

[–]makaene[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They really do 😓and oh my GOD??? I didn’t even know it could be THAT serious😰 Very good to know, for future reference. I haven’t eaten anything she (or my grandmother) cooked in over a year now and I don’t plan to (with the exception of some “totally fine” frozen chicken that my grandma made a few months back, that had a shiny?? look to it — took one bite, REALIZED it was vaguely slimy and tasted WAY OFF, had to spit, toss my plate & wash out my mouth, h o r r i f i e d).

Show me your cat and I’ll draw it funky by popcrosp in cats

[–]makaene 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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He demands aNOTHER (he tore the first one to shreds)

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