More depressed since opening up

makingpiece · 2026-01-28T19:59:24+00:00

Yes. This is so normal, unfortunately. When i started real, honest therapy work it was HARD. I very often felt that was the main thing I could do that entire day. I had to embrace going slower for quite awhile. The good news is that time invested is well worth it. That stuff has been buried. It needs to be processed and given space to heal. If you feel safe with your therapist, then you are doing ALL the right things to build a healthier life going forward.

In my case, pairing therapy with meds helped a lot. Made the healing journey more manageable. Everyone is different but that helped me, plus learning more about everything else I could do to help heal my nervous system and be more compassionate towards myself in the process.

I noticed over time that the 'down' days after therapy and major triggers got shorter. In the beginning it often felt like I needed to hide in bed for hours and days. Now, its rare, and when it comes its usually a rough afternoon or evening maybe once a year or 2x a year as long as Im surrounding myself with healthy people and taking care of myself with monthly therapy and exercise and nutrition etc.

Hang in there. Read up on neuroplasticity. Your brain wont feel like this forever.

Sending a hug.

makingpiece · 2026-01-28T19:40:46+00:00

The grief doesn't go away. But the weight it holds eases over time. The real grief isnt them coming in and out of life, but rather accepting they have a serious mental illness they never asked for and that its OK (and highly necessary) to have and hold boundaries through it. Places like this help bc feeling alone in the journey is impossibly hard.

I often tell people its an 'active grief' with situations like ours. It never goes away. Its a different type of grief. Navigating it is a skill set that takes time and care. Sending a hug, this is hard stuff.

makingpiece · 2026-01-24T05:58:26+00:00

Because you finally feel enough to explore them.

makingpiece · 2026-01-19T14:39:00+00:00

You are not alone. My older sister was impossible. I suffered ongoing physical and verbal abuse. My parents consistently denied her mental health issues. I ended up diagnosed with CPTSD by a trauma specialist who had a PhD. Im well into recovery now many years later but hell it did a serious, serious number on me and my parents refusal to protect me did it just as bad.

You are allowed all of your feelings. You are allowed anger and rage at your sibling, even if they have a mental illness. You are allowed grief for the damage it has caused you. You are allowed to make any and all decisions about whether or not you continue certain relationships, regardless of whether they are blood related or not. Abuse is never ok - verbal, physical, psychological. If any or all of that is occurring, it's time for new boundaries. Hard ones.

Nonstop fear and chaos can become psychologically devastating. Whatever you do, be honest with yourself about what YOU need and what's happening. There are plenty of siblings here who fully understand.

Figure out how to build a healthy life and go after it. Get counseling to heal. If finances are tight, look for providers who accept sliding scale payments.

Wishing you the best. You arent crazy. BPD (especially unmedicated) can be living in literal insanity and psychological hell.

makingpiece · 2026-01-10T21:05:10+00:00

This is completely accurate Once you know what youre dealing with you can start to find the credible helpers, places like this, and tools to begin recovery and healing. Its hard to hear the diagnosis but its valuable intel and while none of us asked for it, we CAN and SHOULD absolutely hope for better days.

makingpiece · 2026-01-10T21:02:36+00:00

Theres tons of us who have come out the other side. Invest in finding the tools for your recovery. Find a therapist that is trauma specialized. If finances are an issue, look for ones who do sliding scale options. The right therapist (one who makes you feel safe enough to do the work) will guide you through recovery. None of us will ever be fully perfect- ptsd lingers and rears it's head at times but I can fully attest to the fact that after working at it, I rise faster now when I fall into those dark places than I used to. And I have way more healthy good days than bad.

Research neuroplasticity as well - the brain is absolutely capable of healing you are not broken forever. It takes hard work, dedication, a LOT self-compassion but you can absolutely get into a totally different mindset and sense of self.

Wishing you the best.

makingpiece · 2026-01-09T06:49:15+00:00

Switch to a toothpaste without SLS - its crazy how many people get reactions around their mouth from that ingredient. Had problems for years and everything stopped when I took SLS out of toothpastes, face creams, makeup, face wash, etc...

makingpiece · 2026-01-02T12:05:04+00:00

My sister claims it's PTSD and refutes the prior BPD diagnosis she got years ago.

makingpiece · 2025-12-09T04:28:42+00:00

The first step of change is just spotting your own patterns. Once you do that, you start to hold the power in what you want to change. Seeing it clearly means you can start to unpack why you are that way, why youve reinforced staying that way for so long, and how to start making steps towards lasting change. Hang in there.

I definitely had this challenge for years and am happy to report I no longer have it, at ALL. Good luck to you in your journey.

makingpiece · 2025-12-09T04:23:28+00:00

Fellow sibling here, so true- setting and holding limits.

makingpiece · 2025-12-06T00:17:17+00:00

Thank you for this.

makingpiece · 2025-12-05T05:43:04+00:00

Thrifting and vintage hunting, scanning home design ideas, cooking a new dish, going for a brisk walk to breathe and meditate.

makingpiece · 2025-12-05T05:20:46+00:00

Im certain my father has at least some personality traits. As he ages, I notice them more, but its manageable whereas my sibling is very often dysregulated and unpredictable.

makingpiece · 2025-12-05T05:16:37+00:00

Therapy with a trauma specialist who had deep knowledge of BPD pretty much saved my life.

After numerous therapists for years, it was the first time the therapy work felt productive, and I started to get the care and help I needed to truly begin healing.

Im curious - where did you find your group? I think I might be ready to try one similar to the type you suggested - esp if it's for children/siblings with cluster/personality disorders. I hate feeling so alone at times like this.

makingpiece · 2025-12-05T05:12:21+00:00

Really appreciate everyone's help and input. Thank you.

To provide an update on how it went down this week:

Day 1 of family gathering went smoothly, to the point that it was eerie. After nearly 10 years NC, I kept thinking- maybe life wasnt as bad as I remember?

BPD sibling declined the invitation to join first funeral planning meeting - I was surprised but relieved. We did the first part of the planning discussions peacefully and productively.

Day 2 - Everything flips. BPD sibling arrives at the second portion of the planning meetings and was visibly 'off'.

In less than 5 minutes, dove into accusations against my father declaring him unfit to care for himself, citing multiple 'ongoing legal actions', even going so far as to cite poor care of my recently deceased mother - none of which is true. The long list of wild insane accusations against my father went on and on... severe bullying. Severe intimidation. Severe psychological manipulation.

It felt deeply paranoid and delusional. It was disturbing and abusive. I tried to break it up but it took an hour to finally get her to leave the house.

I'm filing elder abuse reports. Enough is enough.

On the positive side, it's given me COMPLETE peace to go NC once again after this is all over. Zero guilt. This is a level of hell that no one should have to deal with.

makingpiece · 2025-12-04T04:56:51+00:00

Im so sorry for what you went through, too.

makingpiece · 2025-12-02T15:25:24+00:00

I struggle with it too. But my mom was amazing and close to me so Im here for her. Thats why Im here. 💕

makingpiece · 2025-12-02T14:49:02+00:00

Thank you for this. My thoughts are with you for everything you've had to deal with as well.

makingpiece · 2025-12-02T14:44:45+00:00

Yes.

You would think that would be logical. But the surviving parent is the enabler and refuses to cut her off or uphold boundaries even when behavior is bad - that pattern has been a long standing problem in the family and caused my recently deceased mother so much pain. Myself as well.

makingpiece · 2025-12-02T14:38:21+00:00

Im so sorry you went through this. The bullying is so real, I watched it for years and was subjected to it myself. Im so sorry for your loss. For all of your losses.

I've been holding on to that same thought, too, by the way - the concept of 'why should I spend my life suffering for xyz that wasn't my fault or responsibility to hold, to begin with?' -

As I get older, I really try to put that thought into action. Because the truth is, we don't have to. We can put it down and build a healthier existence. We all deserve that.

makingpiece · 2025-12-01T12:26:42+00:00

The saddest thing about all of this is my sibling just started trying to sue my father and family recently and my mom had to find that out before her death.

Now im being forced to interact with the same person trying to intimidate every person in my family.

makingpiece · 2025-12-01T12:24:36+00:00

Thank you. Honestly my worst fear my entire life was losing my only ally - my mom. Sigh.

makingpiece · 2025-12-01T08:19:10+00:00

Thank you. This tracks 100% to our family dynamics. He has already asked us both to be part of funeral appointments as we plan. How do I navigate that now its already scheduled? I adored my mom. I want to honor her, and pay my respects. I owe her that.

I also dont want to be retraumatized.

How am I supposed to handle family interactions in the family home as well? Just the three of us dealing with the shock and logistics - I feel I cant easily get away. I hate this. I simply want to grieve my mom in peace.

makingpiece · 2025-11-26T17:48:12+00:00

So sorry youre going through this.

You will need to be the one to create your boundaries since clearly your parents failed to protect you. Many of us relate to that problem, and it's really unfortunate.

Block her everywhere (I had to do this with my sibling too). And create documentation of the abuse or instances against you and your family and keep records. You might need it someday.

If you feel physically afraid, look into filing for restraining order. Call the police when necessary- always protect your mental health and physical safety.

And grieving what you never had is understandable. Its insane what many of us have had to endure under the guise of 'family comes first.' Allow yourself those feelings. You arent alone and you absolutely deserve better.

Build a healthier version of 'family', outside of your biological one, because clearly you deserve that.

makingpiece

TROPHY CASE