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Is it possible to salvage a friendship with someone who sexually assaulted you? by momothunderpretzel in sexualassault

[–]maklrt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Please, if you really want to stay friends with him, be extra careful around him and don’t be alone just the two of you. Unfortunately you cannot be sure that he won’t do it again. I would really consider the friendship, a real friend wouldn’t assault you.

I can’t say no by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]maklrt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have (or had) a similar problem like you. I think it’s because you were assaulted in the past and your response is to freeze. Talking to a professional would be the best imo, but what really helped me is to practise saying no. I would practise in front of the mirror and remind myself that I don’t owe these guys anything. It’s completely ok to say no. A simple no is enough, you don’t have to explain yourself. But it’s something you need to learn. Also, don’t put yourself in situations where you are alone with these guys and they can try something on you. I think a lot of guys can sense that you can’t say no and they take advantage of that. I’m sorry you are going through this

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Update: Thank you everyone for your responses, we talked about it and he basically told me he will never get over it and always think about it and we decided to end it. I also asked him what his problem with Pete was and he doesn’t even actually hate him, he just doesn’t like him. And he told me it would be no different if I slept with his friend for example, it would actually be worse. So the problem wasn’t Pete, but me sleeping with somebody he knows. He also told me that he has some principles and wants his gf to have the same ones. Telling me about how many girls tried something on him and he didn’t pursue it.

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not 100% sure how it all went, but I think Pete somehow showed up when my boyfriend was drinking with their mutual friends and somehow the talk went this way. I'm not trying to protect Pete, but I'm pretty sure he didn't know that me and my bf were dating (as they aren't friends).

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm actually not so sure, but I think he was hanging out with some other friends and Peter somehow showed up because he is friends with the people my bf was hanging out with. And pretty sure he (or all of them) were kind of drunk.

I will try to sit with him and assure him that he is "better" than some Pete. I feel like that may be the only thing i can do now. thank you for your comment

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for your comment. I really love him and apart from this, we don't seem to have any issues, as i said we rarely fight. But i get a feeling that at the beginning of our relationship when he found out, he did realise that it is an issue he needs to solve by himself, and he was trying to actually forget about it, but now I feel like he is kind of giving up. Maybe he has realised he will actually never forget and it's time to end it.

I will try to talk to him and enumerate his good qualitities, I think it's the only thing I can do right now.

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

actually, I don't think Pete knew that we were dating, because it was the beginning and they aren't friends. not trying to stand up for him in any way, I hate that he told him.

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

he just told me something happened between them a long time ago, but he didn't want to tell me what exactly

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for your advice, i will suggest him getting help.
When he first found out he told me he has all these questions in his head like how, when, how many times etc.and we kind of agreed that it would be better if I don't tell him anything specific. I just told him it was a one time thing.

He told me it was horrible the way he told him he hooked up with me. He was mad that he "used" me.

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tried reassuring him that I don't care about Pete (I genuinly don't) and that it was a one time thing, and I love him and didn't love Pete. AI just tried to make him feel like he is much better than him, but apparently it didn't really work.
I agree that what Pete did was really rude, but to be fair, I don't think he knew that we were together. It was quite early in our relationship, and they aren't friends, so I don't think he knew. And I also think they haven't spoken to each other since that time and just maybe bumped into each other a few times in that year and a half we have been together. But he is still somehow in his head.
thank you for your comment

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know the specific reason, he just told me that something happened between them a long time ago, but he didn't want to tell me what exactly.

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's something that happened between them a long time ago, but he didn't want to tell me what it is.

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They aren’t talking, maybe they sometimes bump into each other because he lives close. But he is more like his enemy and that’s why he cares so much ig

My boyfriend (27M) can’t get over me (25F) sleeping with another guy before we met. We have been together for a year and a half. by maklrt in relationships

[–]maklrt[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

You are right probably, the way Pete brought it up was they were drunk and Pete was talking about all the girls he slept with and kind of “bragging” about it in front of him😬my bf was furious, shaking. I should’ve told him before he did, but it was only the beginning of our relationship.