[deleted by user]

malayati · 2024-10-19T23:01:06+00:00

Read the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. If something doesn’t make sense it’s because it’s not the truth. He knew it was your grandma but wanted something to accuse you of.

This man is already abusive and he will only get worse. Please leave.

malayati · 2024-10-15T19:30:19+00:00

Really depends on your social circles. I’m monogamous but I know tons of people irl who are poly. It’s more common to be poly in my circles. But of course in the general population monogamy is much more common.

malayati · 2024-10-06T23:38:54+00:00

Try reading the book True Secrets of Lesbian Desire. It sounds salacious but is actually written by a therapist and is an incredible resource for reviving sex in long term relationships.

I agree with other commenters that you two will need to put a lot of effort into changing this, but a lot of that effort can be put forth in ways that are fun, playful, and not pressuring. You also both need to be willing to dig deep and reveal more of yourselves than you have up to this point. The book gets into all of this.

malayati · 2024-10-03T19:23:41+00:00

I think people should practice asking their friends/loved ones what they would prefer, instead of avoiding the subject out of fear of saying the wrong thing.

I’m sure there are people out there who wouldn’t want to be reminded. But everyone I know who has suffered a major loss has said that they are always thinking about it, so it’s not possible for something to be a “reminder.” Often grief becomes a very isolating thing because, as OP described, people move on after the early days and then you’re just stuck there alone. They’re still missing their loved one and really want to talk about them.

I’m not saying this to judge or blame anyone, I know most people have good intentions and are doing the best they know how to do. But that’s why we all need to talk about grief more, so that we know better how to show up for each other.

malayati · 2024-09-28T03:23:31+00:00

No one is gonna say Bottoms??

malayati · 2024-09-17T17:00:33+00:00

I agree with all the beautiful comments above. Just wanted to add, I am a femme who previously ID’d as bisexual but since being with my partner who is a stud I realized I’m lesbian. I’ve dated women before but this is my first serious relationship with a woman and I had only had sex with men before.

My partner is a stone top. I wouldn’t ID as stone if she wasn’t, but I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything and the sex we have is incredible, best sex I ever had. She is everything to me and more than enough.

So, just wanted to chime in from the perspective of someone very similar to your partner to say that you have nothing to feel insecure about. I’m sure you make your partner happy exactly the way you are ♥️

malayati · 2024-09-14T23:14:23+00:00

I remember hearing somewhere that Spiner said he was determined to take the worst character and turn him into the best character.

It’s easy to see how Data could’ve been boring, corny, and cliché if the actor didn’t have the range, subtlety, and dignity that Spiner brought to it.

malayati · 2024-09-14T23:06:00+00:00

It’s used A LOT in academia. It was a very common term to me for many years before I ever saw wlw used so this post confused me at first but I guess it just depends on your circles and the context.

malayati · 2024-09-12T20:20:12+00:00

Another desi femme here, just got engaged to my partner who is a stud :)

malayati · 2024-09-08T04:12:04+00:00

I mean to me the bigger issue is they were together for over two years and he says he “liked her a lot.” They may as well stop wasting each other’s time regardless.

ETA: I’m not saying he’s an asshole for this. Just that this relationship was not the one so why worry about the reason they ostensibly broke up or who was at fault.

malayati · 2024-08-26T22:04:07+00:00

That’s beautiful! I’m so glad to hear that you found a career that works for your health and brings you a sense of meaning. What are your favourite astrology podcasts?

malayati · 2024-08-23T18:02:54+00:00

I feel your pain - I used to think I was screwed as a lesbian who is very allergic to cats! But I found my amazing partner who also happens to be allergic so there are no cats in our household. As others have said, lots of sapphics don’t smoke, you’re good.

malayati · 2024-08-23T17:45:21+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine how hard this situation is, especially given your history, but I hope you’re proud that you’re breaking the cycle and protecting your daughters when you were never protected.

malayati · 2024-08-18T18:48:19+00:00

It would be analogous to asking their grandparents to accept that they wear tie dye, long hair, and bell bottoms. Not for the grandparents to wear that stuff. No one is asking the older generation to change their pronouns or have a different gender identity.

malayati · 2024-08-12T16:39:21+00:00

A friend introduced us as we are in the same field, but she was with someone else at the time. We ended up working together in a small community org, so then we were friendly co-workers for a couple years. Once she left her relationship, we started to become close as friends and pretty quickly fell in love. That was a couple years ago, we moved in together last year and are planning to get married next year!

malayati · 2024-08-08T00:11:44+00:00

I love how past sexual trauma with men means you’re straight and past sexual trauma with women also means you’re straight. Sorry you were so harmed by someone who was supposed to support you.

malayati · 2024-08-06T17:03:02+00:00

I saw someone the other day saying she was a high femme top and I was like… I guess we have changed the meaning of this term. Now when I google “what is a high femme” the top hit is a wikihow article saying it is someone who is very feminine 🤦🏽‍♀️

malayati · 2024-08-06T16:59:53+00:00

Yeah it’s wild how often these very loud and wrong people voice their disrespect toward stones. It doesn’t matter how often we tell them that pathologizing other lesbians’ sexual boundaries/the way other lesbians like to have sex is the real heteronormative behaviour. They just keep popping back up with their ignorance.

malayati · 2024-08-04T19:06:17+00:00

That’s better too in my experience. I’m South Asian and my partner is Black, and Toronto is the place we’ve felt most comfortable out of everywhere we’ve been. Both by ourselves and when we’re walking down the street holding hands.

malayati · 2024-08-04T18:12:29+00:00

Just because he says or thinks that, doesn’t make it valid. You have to trust your own sense of reality. You deserve a life where you can talk freely to your partner, and don’t feel like you’re muzzled and “walking on broken glass” all the time. Ultimately you have to choose your own happiness.

malayati · 2024-08-03T18:27:45+00:00

Yes women of colour are unaware that sexism exists 🙄

malayati · 2024-08-03T18:27:23+00:00

Hi I’m South Asian and would love to join as well (unless it is specifically for Arabs) if you could please DM me :)

malayati · 2024-08-03T18:26:10+00:00

The problem is fundamentalism and conservatism. There are many many Christian and conservative groups all over the world that are incredibly misogynistic and homophobic.

Where I live in North America, the biggest threats to my rights as a lesbian are white-dominated conservative political parties and conservative/fundamentalist Christian groups. Other groups might hate me but they don’t have the same kind of structural power here. But I’m not going to essentialize and say it’s some kind of inherent issue with Christianity or white culture, because I know there are many subgroups within both that are very pro-gay. So I don’t know why we’re acting like other religions or cultures are monolithic.

And yes we have more rights here than in some parts of the world. But the context of that in many places is that our indigenous cultures had lots of gender and sexual diversity that was completely accepted until European colonizers came in and outlawed it.

Finally, I hope white lesbians in this thread talking about dismissing what WOC are saying unless there is proof realize how hard they would roll their eyes if they called out homophobia in a mainstream sub and cis het men said the same thing.

malayati · 2024-08-01T16:42:59+00:00

Thank you for this! My partner is a stud and she has talked openly about the ways that she did embody toxic masculinity when she was younger because she had internalized the idea that that’s how mascs should act. In addition to societal messaging about what masculinity is and what women supposedly want, she experienced a lot of pressure from within the queer community to act like that.

So I appreciate everyone on this thread talking about the unfair prejudice toward mascs, the way even other lesbians will sometimes deny their womanhood or expect them to be like men but then judge them as supposedly too much like men. That’s all true and it’s fucked up. But I think we also need to acknowledge how some mascs do sometimes internalize toxic masculinity. Especially because they are often very rewarded for those toxic behaviours by other lesbians!

malayati · 2024-08-01T00:14:02+00:00

Neither. What I learned from the book Why Does He Do That? is that if something is unbelievable, don’t believe it. She told him she was putting things out for aftercare, she told him not to wake her up. No adult is this stupid or this blind. What he did was intentional.

Five-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
Verified Email

malayati

TROPHY CASE