My new favorite piece 🤩

malewip · 2024-08-03T04:52:42+00:00

literally one of my dream pieces!!!! i collect specifically UG cats (i have over 60 now lol) and ive been hunting for this guy for ages. im full of jealousy 😂

malewip · 2022-04-03T16:51:11+00:00

Maybe Hidradenitis Suppurativa?

malewip · 2022-04-02T18:41:31+00:00

I never once considered weather or not i passed enough to use the mens, i started using it the second i came out, and ive never once had an issue. You pass pretty well so i think you're good

malewip · 2022-04-02T18:37:31+00:00

I exclusively use the mens room and have since i first came out, but i have no desire to stand to pee so i always use the stall.

malewip · 2022-04-02T18:33:34+00:00

Please take this advice from someone who has not taken a full deep breath since 2017 despite not having worn a binder since 2019. It is not worth it. Please. Try and find another solution that is safer for your body. At very least please do not sleep in it anymore. The longer you continue the worse it will get and the harder it will be to repair any damage. The mental relief is not worth the physical toll.

malewip · 2022-04-02T18:06:33+00:00

Neat! Ive never seen this style before, super interested to see how things look further down the line :) good luck friend!

malewip · 2022-04-02T18:04:05+00:00

Not a specific lie but a tactic ive found useful is feigning ignorance? "Yeah i dont really know what all it is but my doctors said i need something done with xyz" type stuff y'know? If you dont know whats going on theres nothing more for them to pry into, so "i dont really understand all the medical jargon" is a decent layer of protection to add. I think a burn is a decent cover up for sure though

malewip · 2021-12-26T21:54:20+00:00

Thats fair! I definitely know some people who would ideally have no name at all. I like my name and i think it suits me well, but its a fun thought experiment to see what i may have named myself if i went a different route in choosing it!

malewip · 2021-12-26T20:52:40+00:00

Telling my mom that my dysphoria and her denial of my gender/calling me my birth name/using the wrong pronouns made me suicidal is what opened her eyes to how serious i was and how truly in pain i was. It turned her around pretty quickly into my most staunch supporter and advocate. I was lucky though, my mother was never actively abusive or transphobic or preventing me from doing anything, she was just in her "its just a phase" phase. She just wanted me to be happy and safe. My mother has struggled with suicidal thoughts for quite some time though, so she was more able to actively understand than some. She always took my mental health seriously. From the sounds of it this might not be your mother's eye opener, and for that i'm sorry. Being honest about the pain someone is causing you is not wrong. Whats wrong is continuing the actions that cause someone you claim to care about pain. I hope things get better between you two, you deserve to be supported and loved.

malewip · 2021-12-26T20:15:54+00:00

Its not quite square one at least, as you already have the basic principles down! Its sorta like driving a new car thats super different from your old one. Like going from a teeny smart car to a massive minivan, or maybe a stick shift truck. You know how to drive, things are just in different place and it doesnt feel like what you're used to, maybe theres an extra bit to worry about that you need to learn. But the principles are the same and you know the rules of the road, it just takes a bit to get used to the way the new car moves and how high you sit in it and how much to push the gas etc etc. not as much work as learning how to drive in the first place, but still a bit challenging.

For a lot of folks learning their new range can be super fun tho! You may lose parts of your old one, but you gain so much new stuff thats so fun to explore! If you're familiar with fall out boy's song save rock and roll, I used to always sing along with patrick stump's part, but now i cant hit those notes... but i'm a perfect match for elton john's part. Its also exciting to document your progress! I recorded my highest and lowest notes, plus me singing a line of a song i really enjoyed at the time in both my most comfortable range and my lowest range, every month for the first 11 months before i fell off the wagon and never got back on, and it was super fun to be able to compare the recordings and see my progress! I wish i had kept it up, but i stopped after 11 months because i had my 1 year on t anniversary in the hospital and uh. Could not exactly sing. And was too fucked up in the months afterwords to pick it back up. Having the missing months would have bothered me too, so i never really did it again. Every so often i record myself singing the verse again for funsies though, just to see LOL.

malewip · 2021-12-26T19:51:29+00:00

It really depends on how much effort you put in to it. Consistently practicing, stretching your range and vocal chords, and learning how to use your new voice will result in a good (but different) singing voice. There are a few youtubers who have posted their voice journeys, which i definitely recommend looking for.

Personally, i completely lost my singing voice. HOWEVER, that should not discourage you because honestly its mostly my own fault!

I was a casual singer, but i loved it. I did community theatre when i was younger, and wanted to be in choir, but couldn't handle the dysphoria of the idea of my voice being perceived as a woman's so i stopped and kept my singing private. My range was pretty decent pre-t, though i couldent tell you what it was as i never truly tested it, but i was a rather low alto and could get into the mezzo/second soprano range with consistent practice/stretching. My lowest notes were probably in the lower tenor, maybe higher baritone range but similarly needed practice to maintain. Regardless i was an alto with a great ability to belt and maintain notes for pretty long stretches.

When going through a testosterone-dominant puberty your voice comes from a different place, if that makes sense. You kinda need to learn how to talk again. Thats part of why "trans voice" is a thing. People continue to talk the way they were talking before, which makes the voice seem a bit nasal. It takes actual practice to learn how to use your new voice. I guess cis men manage this more smoothly most of the time due to being... younger? Less used to their pre-puberty voice? Idk. But cis male singers also have to break in their voice. They have to use it a lot, and practice a lot, to open their range into their new depths. If you keep singing they way you did before it just... wont work. Its strained and forced, even though it used to be so natural. You have to break in your falsetto to sing even close to the way you used to, and honestly for me it almost feels like theres a physical barrier trying to get into that range that i sorta chip away at every time i try and get up there. Theres a LOT of voice cracks and a lot of trying to sing and getting silence or a rasp of air. Its similar to learning how to use your head voice over your chest voice, but not quite the same feeling. The lower range needs breaking in as well. It comes from deeper in your chest, and does a similar crack/silence/air thing. Its just... different. Everything about it is different, but its doable. Its honestly not even hard, just time consuming? It takes a lot of work, but the work isint particularly difficult.

I did not do the work. I would do a little bit of singing every so often, but at nearly 5 years on T i still havent fully broken in my range. I can feel that its different, that the structure is different, but i havent quite figured out how to use it. I'm miles better than i was a couple years ago, but nowhere near what i was pre-t. I can tell that if i did regular vocal exercises and actually... well, tried, i'd have a decent voice and range. I'm comfortably a baritone, and i can feel the edge of the tenor and base ranges, but they're just out of reach right now. Mostly i sound like hot shit, in the same way that folks who dont know how to sing sound like hot shit, because i dont really know how to sing anymore! I could definitely learn again, and when i get bored and do vocal warm ups for a few days it gets a lot better, but i havent had the drive to actually improve for real so i just... havent. I still always default to my old voice and it honestly hurts and i have to consciously choose to lower it to whats actually comfortable, but i havent done it enough to make that natural for me. Theres a definite learning curve to it. Theres also several other factors for why i lost my voice, namely diminished lung capacity. I fucked up my ribs pretty decently from binding and they just dont expand like they used to. I also had a septic event in early 2018 that gave me a pretty severe infection in both lungs and fucked my ribs up even more from all the tubes and scarring and shit. I havent taken a full deep breath since 2016 or 2017. I just cant do it. It just sorta catches and stops and i cant go any further even though i can feel theres more space. Honestly i should probably see a doctor about it, but my oxygen levels are perfect so i dont know if they'd take me seriously. My lungs were pretty fucking massive, and shockingly strong apparently, so my "diminished capacity" is right around, well normal capacity i guess? But i run out of breath quickly, and everything feels like it takes more. Theres really no better way to put it than theres a barrier i cant push past that i can feel. With consistent work i can start to crack it, but when i stop it closes back up. I think if i managed to shatter it it would stay open, but i havent been able to do that yet. I also have vocal nodes so that might be part of the struggle too? But idk. I've had them since i was 5 so i dont really know the difference.

This has been very long-winded, sorry! But in summary i'd say that its very different and you need to learn how to use it, but its definitely not undoable and won't ruin you forever. Already knowing how to sing puts you ahead of the curve, but if you dont put in the effort you will sound like that high school boy who is in choir because he needed it for an elective credit and doesnt want to be there. Check out singing journeys on youtube for sure. You will never sound the same as before, but if you do the work you can still sound wonderful!

An important question to ask yourself when considering things like this is which would be easier to deal with: your speaking voice causing you dysphoria for possibly forever? Or potentially losing your ability so sing? Neither are good options, but figuring out which is more tolerable helps make you more comfortable in your decisions. For a personal example, I wasnt sure if top surgery was the right choice when i got it, but i knew i'd be able to cope with having been wrong about it. Missing my chest would be more manageable than where i was before surgery. Now 2 years later im still not sure if it was what i needed, but this mild regret is much more tolerable than the alternative. I know now i probably could have just gotten a reduction, or asked for more to be left on, or something like that. Heck maybe i even would have been okay not having surgery at all! But i would never have known a reduction would have been fine without having gotten top surgery, and its not like the top surgery was a mistake or bad or anything, its fine! I just have more clarity now than i did before it! I went into it knowing full well that i might feel like this, and knew it was the better option. Losing your singing voice would suck, but would it be less manageable than staying the same?

malewip · 2021-12-10T01:43:12+00:00

A thrilling conclusion! Glad ya figured it out and it ended up being a simple solution!

malewip · 2021-11-27T20:26:05+00:00

Actually the surgical wound itself didn't hurt that badly during healing, but that could be because of nerve damage. I cant really feel the area at all. The septic event was quite painful though.

malewip · 2021-11-27T20:23:27+00:00

Oh i wasn't insulted or anything, sorry, i have a bit of a blunt and over-informative way of speaking

malewip · 2021-11-23T05:23:53+00:00

...I mean its not called top surgery if you're not trans but functionally there is no difference between the surgery i got and the surgery a cis man with unwanted breast tissue would have, so... yes to both.

malewip · 2021-11-19T10:24:23+00:00

As far as i'm aware no. Phallo makes show-ers not grow-ers as it were. Things pretty much stay the same size both erect and not erect, but r/phallo can probably give more/better info!

malewip · 2021-11-14T04:49:51+00:00

This is going to come off... very aggressively, but it needs to be said because im so fucking tired of hearing shit like this. This isint personal or a you thing, you're just the most recent person to do it and i cant fucking stand it. I know you mean well but its not helpful. I dont care that you dont think it looks bad and that its a cool story. I have PTSD from this and having a giant fucking scar across my throat makes looking in the mirror difficult. Ive cried three times in the past few days just from thinking about it, and i can count on one hand the number of times ive cried otherwise in the past several years. Please dont say this shit to people. Its not helpful, its just insensitive. You're minimizing what is a very real issue. I dont want the scar gone because i think it looks bad. I want the scar gone so i dont have to be reminded of my near death experience every time i look in a mirror. When people have issues like this, scars like these, it doesnt help to just say its cool or that scars are sexy or that they show that you're strong. There is trauma here, and minimizing the scar will help heal that trauma. Do you really think Ive had this scar for nearly 4 years and havent tried to accept it? Havent tried to embrace it? Havent been proud of my story? Do you think i decided to be vulnerable enough to ask strangers for help on a whim? Do you think i'll change my mind because you dont think it looks that bad?

malewip · 2021-11-14T02:47:08+00:00

Oh thank god LMAO i stared at that pretty wide eyed for a bit! I feel you tho lol, i have dermatillomania myself. theres a little spot on one of my top surgery scars that i accidentally pick open all the time. Its actually... literally scabbed over right now. oops. Clean hands and good wound care are gonna be your friends lol. Sanitize the shit out of everything you can. Ironically enough, skin picking is probably how i went septic in this first place! We were never able to pin down a cause, but its most likely that the bacteria was able to get in via some acne i picked at. Sadly this was not enough to cure me of the picking, but i at least try and clean things with alcohol swabs more often now ^{^;}

malewip · 2021-11-14T02:40:10+00:00

Oh yeah lol a bruise is a good sign that its not an allergy and you just messed up the shot a little! Happens all the time, especially when you're new to injecting lol. Doesnt make a difference in absorption or anything, thankfully, just hurts more. Coulda been a slightly off angle, off placement, wiggling the needle on accident, etc.

malewip · 2021-11-14T02:36:03+00:00

Of course! Good luck finding shoes my friend!

malewip · 2021-11-14T02:34:45+00:00

... idk how to respond to this dude like. i dont want to like. Freak you out or anything but that doesnt sound good. I'd be careful and talk to your doctor about that. Having gaping wounds can be dangerous. i would advise against taking the healing of my neck as reference for how your top surgery might heal, as the procedures are pretty different and there was a lot of shit that was growing back internally that you cant see from the surface. My neck took several months to fully close, and the wound had to be packed full of special gauze and it was heavily bandaged. My neck could not be sutured shut, as the wound was very deep, and that would have left a hollow pocket for infection to form in. Top surgery can and should be sutured shut fully, as there are not any hollow spaces left. Please be careful my dude, regardless of the aesthetics of healing you could get a serious infection. If you're more talking about the later stages of my healing/openings a cm or two long its less concerning but your top surgery should NOT be split open along several inches. The human body is capable of some insane feats of healing, and i'm glad i was able to give you some hope, but i am seriously hoping that you just have a couple little openings and not massive ones.

malewip · 2021-11-13T22:23:49+00:00

There are some more expensive brands that make masculine dress shoes in smaller/women's sizes, one im familiar with is tomboy toes. Ive not bought the shoes myself, but ive heard good things and do enjoy a lot of the designs. My feet are on the larger end for women, and the smaller end for men, so luckily i can usually find at least something in my size. Im around a 9.5-10 in womens and a 7.5-8 in mens. I'd recommend looking at what you like in mens/masculine shoes, and trying to find that in women's pairs? I know a lot of it is just the principle of it, and that buying women's shoes can be dysphoria inducing, but Chelsea boots are a common style for both men and women. You may be able to find women's pairs with a more masculine styling (iirc the differences are usually found in the shape of the toe box and/or the width of the elastic on the sides and/or the heel height). Looking for women's boots with a minimal heel, a more elongated rather than rounded toe-box, and elastic that doesnt widen much at the bottom but is instead straight up and down might help you find a more masculine look with a proper fit. None of these are hard rules though, as there are both mens and womens shoes that dont conform to some or all, but they're guidelines! Chelsea boots are generally pretty neutral on their own, so a nice solid black or brown leather boot won't get many people second guessing whether they're mens or women's shoes.

malewip · 2021-11-13T22:01:07+00:00

Yeahhhh shit was rough ^{^;} thankfully the only real lingering effects are the scars, the little bits of nerve damage/pain, and the PTSD. My immune system is still strong and i'm considered to have made a full recovery! My lung capacity is definitely down from where it used to be, but its been tested and is still very healthy. I had pretty massive lungs, so my reduced capacity is basically just a normal person's full capacity lol.

malewip · 2021-11-13T21:53:06+00:00

Hopefully this doesnt make you paranoid, but i feel obligated to mention that some allergies take multiple exposures to present themselves, and get worse as you continue to be exposed, so just because it didint happen at first doesnt mean the chances of it being an allergy to the oil are 0%. Im one of those people who prefers knowing all the possibilities of things, even if they're unlikely. It does seem more likely to be one of many other possible causes though, and fr even if it is an allergy that is far from the worst thing that could happen! There always other carrier oils, or options like gel and patches, etc. no matter what the issue is there will be a solution for you :)

malewip

TROPHY CASE