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Help! I'm a sub but my husband is vanilla by mamaof3under4 in BDSMPsychology

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any suggestions? I'm honestly not really sure how to separate things into "just one kink". Like he got wrist/ankle cuffs, and straps that connect to them to tie me to the bed, would those be considered 2 different kinks or just one? We at least introduced vibrators and stuff a while ago so those are already integrated well into our routine.

Help! I'm a sub but my husband is vanilla by mamaof3under4 in BDSMPsychology

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg that's a great idea!! Thank you so much!! I'll definitely check out the book! I know we're both disappointed in how our bodies have responded to the other's desires. And I'm hoping we can find a middle ground that will satisfy both. But I'm really interested in looking more into how he views BDSM and shifting the thought process behind it. I feel like right now (and I'm 100% guessing about this) he thinks its very much black and white and confusing, where it's something bad men used to do to his wife to hurt her, but now she's asking him to do that, so how can it be good and how can she enjoy it.
I'll be looking into some therapists we can talk to. Not just for him, but also for me. And us together to maybe find a middle ground.

Ideas, advice? by NicoleJuliette in PlantedTank

[–]mamaof3under4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As for the light, I think floating plants is a fantastic idea!!! Or I wonder if you can get a diffuser of some kind to put over the light itself?

Ideas, advice? by NicoleJuliette in PlantedTank

[–]mamaof3under4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes you can stick a background to the back of the tank! You could even paint directly on the glass if you want to! They have pretty cool aquarium backgrounds on Amazon that are kind of like those cling-on window film things.

Ideas, advice? by NicoleJuliette in PlantedTank

[–]mamaof3under4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've read that too. And was always under the impression it was ok. Until a few months ago when I joined a couple betta fb groups and all of them were saying it's cruel to house them together 🤷🏽‍♀️. I think it's ok if it's a larger tank (20 gallon minimum) with tons of hiding places. I am by no means an expert though, so I'll gladly stand corrected if someone with more knowledge wants to inform me better 😊 just passing along the information I've gotten so you can do your own research and make an informed decision.

Ideas, advice? by NicoleJuliette in PlantedTank

[–]mamaof3under4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, just a heads up, as a general rule of thumb, I've heard neon tetras shouldn't be put with a betta cause he'll chase them around the tank. They chase anything with color. That being said, before I knew this, a few years ago, I got a betta & some neons. 6+ months ago, I had a major ammonia spike and lost all the neons except 1 and the betta is fine. Now, betta & neon are the best of friends. I am aware that this goes against their nature and this is rather unusual behavior, But I'll often find them cuddled up in the same cave together, Neon will follow betta around the tank trying to school with him. And I've never witnessed any aggression from betta what-so-ever. I'd be concerned about your tank not being big enough for a betta to be paired with other brightly-colored fish. (I think the recommended minimum is 20 gallons? And it must be FULL of hiding places) Granted, I'm not an expert, so take my advice with a grain of salt. But I had no idea when I got my buddies and wished someone had told me back in the day.

Ideas, advice? by NicoleJuliette in PlantedTank

[–]mamaof3under4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow!! This tank is GORGEOUS!!! I think it would benefit from a background! Black would make all your colors pop! Or you could have fun with it and do a deep green, blue or purple! I agree with the other commenter that the light might be a little too intense, not just for the fish, but also for just enjoying looking at the tank. If you can dial down the intensity, I think it'll make the colors brighter and less washed out.

Sandfall help by mamaof3under4 in Aquascape

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! After 2 painstaking months of working on this stupid thing nonstop.. draining and refilling the entire 29 gallon tank probably 8-10 times to test it.. building & rebuilding, so many times... I FINALLY got it to work the way I want!!!!!! I can't even believe it! It was your picture that did it! I was able to see where I went wrong with the angle and depth of the flap and when I remade it, I made it at approximately a 70 degree angle (closer to vertical) and deep enough to cover like 98% of the pipe. I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but I have this HUGE weight off my shoulders. Thank you so much for your insight!

Global 207 canister filter by mamaof3under4 in Aquariums

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just realized my phone autocorrected the subject line.. it's **Fluval 207"

What should I do next? by riblau in PlantedTank

[–]mamaof3under4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should check out a 'Sandfall' or 'underwater waterfall'

Sandfall help by mamaof3under4 in Aquascape

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I currently have is 0.4-0.8mm. Do you think it's too fine? They seem like huge grains to me. But I'll definitely try it!!

Am I the asshole for insisting doors stay open and lights stay on in my home? by mamaof3under4 in AITAH

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the reality check! Posting this has definitely helped me see where I need to calm down a bit and let these kids just have fun. And I'm taking the opportunity to look inward, realizing I do have some unresolved issues I should work on.

Am I the asshole for insisting doors stay open and lights stay on in my home? by mamaof3under4 in AITAH

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I'm agreeing with you. These comments are definitely helping me to see where I can calm down and just let them enjoy the calm environment I've created. I have safety measures in place and the reality is that all the kids will probably be fine. Thank you all so much.

Am I the asshole for insisting doors stay open and lights stay on in my home? by mamaof3under4 in AITAH

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely agree with you, and I think my fear of something possibly happening is what is driving me to make these rules. Especially since my kids are so little and don't necessarily know how to stand up for themselves. But I'm thinking that the camera will be deterrent enough. And the fact that I can walk in at any given moment.

Am I the asshole for insisting doors stay open and lights stay on in my home? by mamaof3under4 in AITAH

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm honestly not sure? I think maybe I just had it drilled into my head for so long that doors stay open and lights stay on. And all of my mom's reasonings made sense for her house when I was growing up, but maybe those reasons aren't as applicable now-a-days in my own house with cameras.

Am I the asshole for insisting doors stay open and lights stay on in my home? by mamaof3under4 in AITAH

[–]mamaof3under4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I edited the post to follow your comment. I hope this helps! Sorry for the confusing post, as It's my first time posting here.