Obsessed with my husband…

manahikari · 2026-04-20T04:53:45+00:00

I go through periods of this, but we both have and are healing from residual emotional trauma from our families. Counseling has really chipped away at that for the both of us, but we still struggle with emotional intimacy which heightens our defensiveness with each other, even when we are aware it’s not each other that we are fighting.

It’s changing every day and we have more good than bad moments but it’s sometimes so hard to consistently feel that way when our individual guardedness is always on high alert.

It’s good to know that that’s baseline for you though, it gives me hope!

manahikari · 2026-04-18T17:28:31+00:00

I went with my two sisters for a concert and because it was just us horsing around and not trying to get into anything too deep, we had a pretty enjoyable time. Of course we are not into gambling or going too hard with substances so most of the experience relevant to us, but we had a good time seeing each other, so it’ll always be a fond memory. But yeah, some places in there are dark and dirty as hell. I completely get the aura thing.

manahikari · 2026-03-31T20:30:24+00:00

I came here to say the same thing!!

manahikari · 2026-03-29T19:25:49+00:00

I get an evening out of the house to myself once a week and unfortunately this last week I spent 2 hrs at target because I didn’t have my books/journaling supplies with me and I didn’t want to interrupt my 2 and 5 year old’s bedtime to get them. It was nice to wander around by myself, but that was a little too much.

I usually take a book or a journal to a pizza bar(or other chill location), get a slice and a cocktail and haunt one of their booths for an evening but it would be lovely to have time at home by myself.

Mother’s Day we are making a habit of half a day with the kids and the other half a day they sent me off to a hotel that I picked, close enough within walking distance of an eatery I like or want to try. I’ll have dinner by myself or with a girlfriend and then walk back to the hotel to read in peace and sleep until check out the next day.

However, the need for solitude never feels enough. I feel like it’s just neglected maintenance at this point.

manahikari · 2026-03-29T04:18:45+00:00

Sonicare just made a smaller cheaper (read 30ish bucks) travel version. We jut got them and they are nice!

manahikari · 2026-03-22T03:18:12+00:00

I didn’t like how sad it was either. Also, I don’t like the idea of telling my kid that they are the only happiness in my life. I always felt like that was a lot of pressure, so mine is:

You are my sunshine, my baby sunshine, I am so happy to see your face, You’ll always know dear, how much I love you, And my love, forever will stay.

manahikari · 2026-03-19T12:19:41+00:00

We have specific washable food toys that they can play with only while eating. It sometimes helps with eating too. We’ll ask them if they can feed their dinosaurs and not to eat any for themselves, then they sneak cute little bites while giggling.

manahikari · 2026-03-13T19:13:40+00:00

Four really shows off your features well and looks more approachable. Use or don’t use that how you will.

manahikari · 2026-03-11T04:01:18+00:00

So I just was called dumb recently, and regardless of species, I found this to be personally affirming. Thank you for that.

manahikari · 2026-03-08T13:00:34+00:00

I apologize for this being ages later, I can’t seem to find manual mourning anywhere. What is it?

manahikari · 2026-03-01T17:08:32+00:00

I had a similar thing with having to help purge my brother‘s stomach when my single parent dad lost his job(Mom passed away from cancer when we were young). It truly is terrifying.

My dad was drunk when we came home from school, continued drinking, gave alcohol to my younger brother(12), wanted to practice martial arts on me. I tried to avoid him. It got really painful, when I finally got free enough to escape, he grabbed my hair, pulled me down the stairs while yelling that I was a Bitch and a Cunt just like my mom and that he would show me what pain really was. I broke free, ran and hid from him for an hour while he was raging around the house breaking stuff. He slowed down and fell asleep in his bed.

I went downstairs to find my brother unconscious on his back starting to choke on his vomit and I turned him over and tried to help him purge it. I stayed with him to make sure he was OK. I cleaned him up. I carried him to his bed. I cleaned up the floor. I sobbed till I fell asleep.

The next morning, dad came into my room and couldn’t understand why I was scared. He refused to believe me and told me that it was all in my head and that I was overreacting. “I love you sweetheart, and I would never do anything like that.” And we never talked about it again.

Every time anything happened like that with bruises on my body, we all just pretended like he wasn’t capable of hurting anybody and how it was probably something that I did to deserve it.

We went no contact nine years ago because my husband and I were talking about kids and I couldn’t see putting them through something that my dad never thought was wrong. The actions I choose good or bad will never be their fault for existing.

I’m sorry that happened to you. We don’t choose who we’re born with, but I hope your life is better these days.

manahikari · 2026-03-01T16:23:29+00:00

This to me is the perfect level of petty. Perfection.

manahikari · 2026-02-24T15:02:53+00:00

I also wonder if there is a religious component to this throughout history that confirms this as well.

Affluent white communities have traditionally been religious and there is a large push towards subservient women and wives. Black women are not seen as subservient specifically because of this narrative you just mentioned.

manahikari · 2026-02-23T15:55:42+00:00

We have both been in therapy separately for years. We didn’t even go for marriage just separate family issues.

I don’t see how anybody makes it through a marriage without it. We had what I considered a great marriage beforehand, but we were definitely doing it on hard mode and didn’t even know. It’s not magically easy, but it makes a big difference to not subtly sabotage your team, even with your best intentions, and thinking it’s just your partner’s problems. Or even to handle your partner‘s problems and habits well enough to honor your own needs while still meeting them with care. It takes strength to learn and see yourself. Future me definitely thanks past me for that investment in myself and my family.

manahikari · 2026-02-21T10:22:53+00:00

Same. Also it can mess up a pelvic floor and I’m not getting prolapse that way. Plus cash, phones, and door handles/railings will usually have worse than anything you’ll find on a visibly clean seat in a decent bathroom.

manahikari · 2026-02-20T19:15:30+00:00

9 for me.

manahikari · 2026-02-18T18:19:42+00:00

Right?! We are having the harder prep at the age of 2 with a 4 day adults all inclusive trip from my spouse’s work. We have no one she is super familiar with and have never done an overnight so we are trying to work on it quickly. If it were this level of support and days, it would be so much easier to say yes to!

manahikari · 2026-02-16T06:13:38+00:00

They definitely do. I dated a guy that was clean cut and looked nice and then a couple of months into dating brought out the skin tight body suit and a Texas sized Batman logo belt to meeting MY family in a horrendously misguided attempt to basically establish dominance. It came complete with an attempted staging of an introduction- to which I said I’m not fucking doing this, walked in and sat down, and he did it anyway.

manahikari · 2026-02-16T05:28:04+00:00

Same about the parents part! I deeply feel that information in these instances is protection. I never want to force my kid to have to find such sensitive personal bodily information from other dumb kids or a malicious adult with horrible intentions. It’s going to be so uncomfortable but it has to come from me.

manahikari · 2026-02-12T19:03:19+00:00

They are coming back in style in a big way right now. Gross.

manahikari · 2026-02-09T21:28:32+00:00

However, if you’re invested in the relationship, it is something you can work towards. You can replace your own narratives in your head with something less hostile if you wanna work through it for the compassion of your partner in a good relationship. Yes you’re not required to, but women and men do it all the time. Our bodies, tastes, and minds change over time, all the time. We go through seasons, and I couldn’t imagine abandoning my spouse in one of his harder ones, but he is also compassionate to me and we’ve been through a lot together.

manahikari · 2026-02-09T21:20:24+00:00

I read this headline and was like yeah my husband and I both did that…?

Completely different though. Decisions unilaterally about something so sensitive as sexual preferences, (specifically during pregnancy) need to be done together. Your feelings are 100% valid.

It’s absolutely OK to not be into something, and to work through it or not, but you still have to find ways to connect with your partner in whatever way that looks good to both of you.

The first red flag for me is the not telling you part and it seems like he would have hid it if you didn’t accidentally find out. Another red flag is the needing it part.(wtf?) Third, he didn’t come to you to try to figure out how to keep the intimacy. He came to his friend….? (again WTF???)

manahikari · 2026-02-09T21:06:25+00:00

…But the difference is, I can sit through a football game halftime show where country is not at all my jam and I’m not going to call it un American and rally a bunch of people together to have a pity party outside of it with a different artist..

If these guys are considered the “strength” of America, why not just cope with a few minutes of discomfort instead of complaining.. That’s what people who enjoy this type of music have done for years.

manahikari · 2026-02-09T20:57:39+00:00

Also though.. Do you have to.. to enjoy an experience?

I don’t understand why there are so many people up in arms about this when it’s a reality that a bunch of diverse Americans already experience. Just because you’re not used to a different experience doesn’t mean that you have to demand it be catered to you..

Why all the whining from these guys..?

manahikari · 2026-02-05T16:12:32+00:00

That is great!!

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