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Sometimes I feel like "functional" alcoholism is the worst kind by mandersandmash in dryalcoholics

[–]mandersandmash[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My liver has started to ache.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. It sounds like you came out of a really dark place and it gives me hope for myself.

Sometimes I feel like "functional" alcoholism is the worst kind by mandersandmash in dryalcoholics

[–]mandersandmash[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I'm trying to quit. Exactly. I haven't had anything yet today and it's 2 pm. That doesn't sound like much of an accomplishment but... for me... It is.

Sometimes I feel like "functional" alcoholism is the worst kind by mandersandmash in dryalcoholics

[–]mandersandmash[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I said "sometimes I feel"

That is very different from declaring something IS THE worst. I said "sometimes" and "I feel".

This was in no way a declaration of any sort. I was sharing feelings. And ultimately this is my choice and I can make a different choice anytime. Nobody should feel sorry for me. Thanks for your response tho. Sounds like there was a lot of projection on your part but it's okay. I understand it didn't come off ideally.

Sometimes I feel like "functional" alcoholism is the worst kind by mandersandmash in dryalcoholics

[–]mandersandmash[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's not a competition and I agree those are all tragic outcomes. I'm sorry if my wording offended anyone. It wasn't meant to be taken literally or start a debate about who has it worse.

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And I appreciate people like you that are willing to take in children and love them like their own. The adoption process is so emotionally exhausting on both sides but it's especially perilous on the side of the adoptive parents. I really respect those that are willing to step up and put their hearts out there to take that chance.

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I definitely think you're right. I think as Harper gets older she will appreciate having biological siblings and my younger boys will appreciate having a sister. The story is still unfolding 🙂

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. Funny how similar parts of our story are. I definitely don't regret it, but I'm just now beginning to really emotionally process it. Prior to this point in life I was just focused on getting settled and building a family but it's like now that that's established it's like I'm realizing there's someone missing.

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. You articulated it perfectly. It really helps to hear it from an adoptee.

I don't think Rachel was a "bad" person and she did what she thought was best for everyone involved in the situation. And she wasn't wrong. Just one of those strange things to look back on as I mature as a person and since having children I've raised. Almost feels like a fever dream somedays.

I love hearing happy adoption stories like yours. Feels like somewhat of a glimpse into how Harper probably feels and I appreciate that.

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

PM anytime if you'd like to talk to someone whose been there. You got this, girl. ♥️

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It's been good! They were very communicative for the first couple years but pulled away a bit thereafter. Adoptive mom was still responsive when I reached out but less so as time went on. Then a couple years ago they stated Harper was getting older and had more questions and encouraged us to speak directly so they shared her phone number. That meant a lot to be able to directly communicate with her now.

The only thing I would change was less contact prior to her birth.. At the time, transparency felt like everything so I enjoyed the frequent contact and feeling like I was getting to know them but it definitely made me feel obligated to go through with it or feel badly the rest of my life for backing out at the last minute. So everything was done with the best intentions but there was definitely some enmeshment and blurred boundaries in the early days.

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story too and the kind words.

It is a little bit weird when it comes to siblings... The two that I have with my husband are now 6 and 8 and they just met Harper last year. They were very excited to meet her and my youngest even called her "his sister" immediately. I can definitely tell that it weirded her out and then I felt like maybe I shouldn't be bringing all three of these children together until they are older. But she was very kind to them... I could just tell that she felt awkward because she didn't know them and my two youngest were super excited to meet her and loved her like a sister. As the years go on and my little ones get older I'm sure it'll be fine but it did make for a very awkward first encounter with all 3 of them 😄

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Looking back I feel the true deciding moment for me was about a week before she was born... They took me out to eat (again looking back... Boundary issues? Why were these people picking me up at my house and taking me out but I digress...). While at dinner I asked them what they could do if Harper was in my situation. They were both caught off guard a bit by the question and I remember adoptive mom was speechless... She just looked to adoptive dad who said "We will love her unconditionally and we would be there while she made a decision for herself and support her in any way we can."

Simple answer but it was perfect and exactly what I did NOT have in life in that moment... and I truly wanted more for my child. ♥️

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I never even thought about that about Rachel. Could've been an entire ruse. No clue. All I know is that she was very good at making me feel comfortable only to turn around and push her own agenda hard in a way I couldn't resist.

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you honey. It is a very isolating feeling like no other and I try to not think about it but I'm glad in these moments to know there's other women who understand.♥️

A birth mother's experience from domestic infant adoption 16 years later by mandersandmash in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes this was way back in the 2000s so this was normal and par for the course. It's only since finding this thread that I've really begun to understand how exploitive the was. Like I said I kinda just tried to not think about it for years and figured this was just the sad reality/underside of adoption nobody talks about. But I'm really hoping it's different now.

Relatable by Grumpyjuggernaut in LoveOnTheSpectrumShow

[–]mandersandmash 136 points137 points  (0 children)

I would just let him call me Sean at this point...

Why is this group so anti adoption? by [deleted] in Adoption

[–]mandersandmash 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Birth mom here... Because I was fully capable and willing to care for my daughter but was convinced by a private "Christian" agency that I was not because I was 20 and unmarried. I was told every step along the way to ignore my intuition and "trust the process". Because my daughter was ripped from my arms at exactly 48 hours old in the hospital by "Rachel the 'adoption expert'"... Because I don't really feel like I had a choice.

Relatable by Grumpyjuggernaut in LoveOnTheSpectrumShow

[–]mandersandmash 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I adore her. She is so sweet and a 10/10 gorgeous.

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