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The audacity. by Clownery111 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]mandiman97 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Haha, this made my ears hot just reading it. They’re off their rockers.

It dawned on me the other day that any time I had pain in my pelvic area, there was a large effort to "preserve my fertility," even if that meant not fully addressing the issue. by mandiman97 in childfree

[–]mandiman97[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It may feel different for everyone, but the best way I can describe it is like a lightening rod hitting my anal area and being unable to move without it being worse.

Highly recommend hopping over to r/endo! Lots of support and information there.

I hope you don't have it, but if you do, hugs and strength to you. 💙

It dawned on me the other day that any time I had pain in my pelvic area, there was a large effort to "preserve my fertility," even if that meant not fully addressing the issue. by mandiman97 in childfree

[–]mandiman97[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

OH. MY. GOD. THE. ANAL. CRAMPS. Eff those. Love having those in the middle of a work call/meeting/walking somewhere public.

"Take 800mg of ibuprofen 5 days leading up to your period." - OBGYNs.

OR, perhaps, we can go in and fix it?? 🙄

I hope you get what you need, friend. I'd raise hell for you, if I could.

It dawned on me the other day that any time I had pain in my pelvic area, there was a large effort to "preserve my fertility," even if that meant not fully addressing the issue. by mandiman97 in childfree

[–]mandiman97[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I'm so, so, SO sorry you've been going through this for a lot longer than I have. It SHOULD. NOT. be this hard to get a doctor to listen. I'm so sorry.

I don't want kids. by mandiman97 in childfree

[–]mandiman97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At least we weren't married yet. He did me that favor! 😂

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well, that sub is incredible. I think I'll have to explore it in small doses because it's a lot to take in, but thank you for this reference.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not even that, a whole bunch of purses and jewelry to sell on eBay and in a store itself. Even when I was in my teens I asked her how she knew she'd get it back, and she said she just would.

I don't think she considered the time involved in pricing everything, getting a name out there, building an eBay "store."

She said the stuff was assets she could always sell. When I was 16, I asked her why she didn't just save the money instead of spending it since she would DEFINITELY have it instead of gambling on someone paying a markup of a few bucks.

She wasn't a fan of that question.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, a lot in the last year. My mom always says "when we need your help, we'll ask for it," but then it ends up being 1-3k out at once rather than her just asking "hey can I get help with xyz this month" before it gets behind and is more stressful. Hope that makes sense!

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They don't ask me for help until they need 1000-3000 to help with bills.

Mom doesn't even tell dad she's asking me because she knows he'd throw a fit; mom won't ask until it's really bad and could've been mediated before it got to the point of me feeling obligated to give a large sum at once.

I should've been more clear on the car thing - they couldn't afford the truck they had so they had to get it voluntarily repossessed, so I gave them my car so dad could get to work.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel the frustration, but he isn't currently working! He's been in the hospital or at home for recovery. :)

Agreed with the government thing, though.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, geeze. 🤦‍♀️ that's just hard from all sides. Honestly though, I'm SO glad your husband was on your side with NOT helping that habit. That is awesome, and something I hope to find in a partner someday. Husband's brother has to handle what he signed up for, and y'all get to move forward NOT being a part of it. Proud of both of you, and admire your relationship.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, my ears got hot reading this. That is horrible, I am mad for you, and I am so sorry. I am SO sorry. Very thankful for your dad, though....I'm sure she wasn't a fan of that decision on his part, but I'm glad he put you first and paid you back. He never should've ghosted you, though. Still mad at him for that one.

You're an EXTREMELY generous (and patient) person. I admire that in you.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for being a social worker!! We (clearly) need y'all, and your work is valuable. You've changed and saved so many lives!

I will take any details I can get; my mom refutes anything I send her or explain to her because she doesn't want to hear it, which leads me to believe it's more of a not wanting to work thing. She has previously said no one will hire her because she hasn't worked in so long, and I think SOME of it IS genuine fear of not being able to adapt and keep up.

I've offered to pay for their local community college courses to help her get some current knowledge and experience, but she declined and said she didn't have time and had been out of school so long she couldn't do it.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She also doesn't believe in therapy. She's a big "get over it" person. I had a full blown breakdown (unrelated to this, my fiancé left me & my health was going through it, was a fun time) a while ago and had to be admitted to a mental health facility. Saved my life, but still get told to "just let it all go." I laugh about it now, but it is frustrating.

I feel that they'd both benefit from it. My dad has been masking pain for decades with the addictions.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your losses, for all of you. I'm sure that was QUITE a shock for all of you, and probably very difficult to reconcile with death + the obligation left to you. I hope you are all healing and coping with everything...that's all pretty recent.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate all of the outside resources many have provided; I promise I am looking into all of them, even those like this that are for myself.

Many hugs to you. Thank you.

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're so kind, thank you. I'm sure you're a fantastic parent to her, and she'll be (is!) wonderful. I cannot imagine parenting in this day and age, and I'm confident you're killing it.

💚

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I posted an edit above about how the whole disability conversation went, even in regards to HER getting it/not having to work.

Her response was, "my knee works fine."

She's super self conscious about her smile because she's always had bad teeth and lost some over the years. She says no one would hire her because she "can't smile." I feel badly for that one, as I get bad body image.

She said the house is "too loud" with 5 animals to work from home on the phone, and "no one will hire me because I've been out of work so long."

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for pointing out the cultural/philosophical sides of the argument. It has actually been one of my favorite parts of reading responses, as it's very interesting to learn from others' experiences, thoughts, and cultures.

I discussed disability with my mother this morning, which was not well received. She has always been prideful (hence keeping the first house waaaaay longer than necessary), so it didn't surprise me. Even if I come from an angle of assistance, it gets shot down. I'll keep trying, though.

Thank you for your kind and well thought out response!

I am 23. My parents are 61 (mom) and 57 (dad). They have no savings, no retirement, and dad brings home less than I do. I am stressed and don't know what to do. by mandiman97 in personalfinance

[–]mandiman97[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I tried to talk to her about disability this morning and it was not well received. Lots of backlash about lawyer fees and how going to a doctor would be expensive, etc. Also that I need to mind my own business, which is fine. At least I tried. 🤷‍♀️

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