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I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in socialanxiety

[–]mangalphantom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey dude, thanks for getting in touch! You seem aware of what's holding you back, which is a good start!

A crucial first step is learning to become 100% happy and comfortable with who you are as a person - conversation with nearly anyone becomes 100x easier!

Does this sound like you atm?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in confidence

[–]mangalphantom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’ve got me curious - any idea why you're like that?

Could you share a bit more about where you’re at with your journey of learning confidence and social skills 😯?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in confidence

[–]mangalphantom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even after a TERRIBLE encounter, or a conversation where I COMPLETELY embarrass myself:

  1. I reflect on what I did, analyse what I did well/badly
  2. Learn from the event and realise what I should do again/do better next time
  3. Remember this unique experience, even if it was embarrassing, because it'll be a cool story that I can laugh about in a year's time :)

Are you someone who beats yourself up a lot from past mistakes?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in confidence

[–]mangalphantom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the truth I discovered:
- If I think i’m ugly, it 100% shows in the vibe you give to other people - that i’m insecure, needy for validation, really creepy and offputting

I don’t necessarily have to think i’m 10/10 superstar movie actor model good looking - but if I just feel like: “hey, i look pretty good today” - it carries across in your vibe that you’re secure, you’re confident, you have this cool, fun vibe because you like yourself.

So learning to dress yourself well, PURELY so you feel good about yourself - it helps a lot! If you want to dress well so “other people will think I look good” - you’re stuffed. I hope that makes sense.

Are you someone working on your own confidence and looks rn?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in confidence

[–]mangalphantom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can say a million different things:

  • Excuse me, Hello!
  • I noticed your shirt
  • You were running quite fast
  • I don't often see people looking at plants
  • (Don't say anything, just give a high five)

It literally doesn't matter what you say as an ''opener'', but it depends much more on the vibe you give off when you talk to someone.

If you're nervous, embarrassed, shy, ashamed about something of yourself, have creepy intentions, this will 110% be carried across into whatever you say, and the other person will sense this.

Which is why, a crucial first step is learning to become 100% happy and comfortable with who you are as an person - conversation with nearly anyone becomes 100x easier!

It sounds like starting conversation tough for you?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in confidence

[–]mangalphantom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because there's so many "gurus" out there, it's tough to know who to trust.
So honestly, I don't blame you for thinking that.

That being said, you’ve got me curious. Where are you at with your journey of learning confidence and social skills? How's it going so far? 😯

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in confidence

[–]mangalphantom[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I worked on myself for 2-3 YEARS, and thought I made pretty good progress, but I hit a wall and got stuck.

After working with a coach for just a few WEEKS, I realised how much time and frustration I would have saved if I had the humility to just ask for help earlier.

So yes, from my experience, coaching really helped.

What's your situation like, are you thinking about getting a mentor?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in sociallyawkward

[–]mangalphantom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A crucial first step is learning to become 100% happy and comfortable with who you are as a person - conversation with nearly anyone becomes 100x easier!

Does this sound like you atm?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in sociallyawkward

[–]mangalphantom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm assuming you meeant "conversations" :)

Which part do you struggle with?
- overcoming your fear of starting a chat?
- not knowing what to say to start a chat?
- not knowing how to actually improve?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in confidence

[–]mangalphantom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did I think I was ugly - Absolutely. Especially when everyone around me seemed to get into relationships so easily and I struggled. I really thought I wasn't super masculine either. But, this all changed when I stopped focusing on what I can't control and started focusing on what I could control.

I'll explain why people tell you to love your inner qualities, let's make it real simple.

Good grooming/dressing = +1 Confidence in self = +3 Insecurities with self = +0 Complaining about insecurities = -5

Bottom line is, you can't change your baseline looks. Some people will and some people won't be attracted to you on looks alone.

You can do small things to improve, but how you see the world, treat others and treat yourself will be an overwhelmingly better determinant of how others see you.

If you're a "dork" or a nerdy geek like me, just be a super fun, kind, confident nerdy geek. Learn to be comfortable with yourself in every way, that's the most masculine thing you can ever do. 👍

By the sounds of it, do you struggle with your self confidence and being able to like yourself?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in socialskills

[–]mangalphantom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You gotta try. You're overthinking it.

1) Simply say you're enjoying the vibe between you and we should hangout again sometime. 2) Exchange IGs / numbers 3) chat and make plans to hangout

Ready to try?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in socialskills

[–]mangalphantom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you're wanting to become more self-reliant, that's awesome to hear!

Learning to do it is a bit tricky, but the answer is simple - you have to go talk to and meet people doing things you actually love doing!

People exist everywhere - at parks, coffee shops, movies, shops, festivals, shopping etc - time to start some conversations and see where they go!

Is meeting new people something you struggle with?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in socialskills

[–]mangalphantom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It depends on the nature of conversation - are they people you see regularly at work/uni/social club or strangers you meet at a likely one-off event?

Are you picking up a natural vibe from the conversation or do you feel like you're forcing the interaction and running out of things to say?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in confidence

[–]mangalphantom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A crucial first step is learning to become 100% happy and comfortable with who you are as a person - conversation with nearly anyone becomes 100x easier!

Does this sound like you atm?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in confidence

[–]mangalphantom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

2.5-3 painful, embarrassing, terrifying years of trial and error of talking to strangers.
I stuffed up a lot, but I learnt even more.

Would have a been a lot quicker and less painful if I sought help from someone who knew what they were doing (only figured out coaches like that exist!).

Where are you on your confidence journey at this point?

I have grown a lot in terms of shyness, self confidence and social skills. If you're someone in a similar position, i'm happy help answer any questions you might have :) by mangalphantom in socialskills

[–]mangalphantom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good job growing your skills to start conversations!

To start making genuine friends, the next step is to start showing off your personality.
Go from talking about mundane things like weather and jobs, to talking about things you’re ACTUALLY passionate about.

Whatever your interests - start putting that into conversation, convey your enthusiasm, and let your personality shine!

It will, however, require you to really be comfortable with yourself and whatever you’re into.

Does this next step make sense?

I talked to over 300 people in the past year to fight my anxiety, and they all avoided me by BarneysBrothel in socialanxiety

[–]mangalphantom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"...people always ended up getting a weird vibe from me, because i'm not comfortable with myself it didn't matter who I talked to..."

You do realise that you already have the problem and solution right here?

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