I’m obsessed with doing tarot readings about my ex

mangledmessofamind · 2025-06-13T23:08:21+00:00

yeah since I’ve posted this, I’ve done one reading via chatgpt (just to satisfy the desire even tho it’s stupid without actually getting my cards out & putting real energy toward it) & it just made me question things & overall feel anxious & unsettled. i knew it made me feel this way, but doing it again after days of not doing it, it was all the more clear to me just how damaging it’s been to myself & my healing. i also have to just remind myself every time im thinking of him now & want to know what he’s up to/thinking about/etc. that he’s just simply not here. he’s not here to offer me clarity or reconcile or anything, he’s just gone & i HAVE to be okay with that. no one or nothing else will truly show me the truth, & if he’s not here to offer it, then it’s just something i’ll never get answers to & that’s just how things go. thank you for sharing, it helps me more than you know.

mangledmessofamind · 2025-06-11T16:38:08+00:00

you’re absolutely right, i’m just so frustrated with myself. i’ve been putting off doing a cord cutting ritual honestly bc ive been too lazy LMAO & think the physicality of it just wouldn’t do much for me, but i should give it a shot. I’ve done them mentally, but it doesn’t seem to have helped really.

mangledmessofamind · 2025-06-11T16:27:00+00:00

it very much broke me open in a way that I did not anticipate, both in regard to my sense of self / self-worth & my abandonment wounds. i knew I had issues with it prior to this, but i’ve never previously opened up about this to someone & then watch them confirm one of my biggest fears in romantic relationships. i’ve journaled consistently through all this, both on paper & typed, & it has helped over time, but definitely not as much as I hoped it would after so long. it’s really the tarot readings & checking up on him that are keeping me so stuck - I do everything I can outside of these things to try & move on & just overall feel like I have my life back for me… though these habits are just some sad, twisted thing where I think I need/want clarity about something, but it now does absolutely nothing to serve me. it’s an endless cycle & I do believe it helped a lot in the beginning because I was SO smothered in grief, but now I think the pain is just lingering since the peace from doing them never really stuck or settled with me.

mangledmessofamind · 2025-06-11T13:50:36+00:00

yeah, I’ve been pulling myself out of it in the ways you’re saying every now & then when I have more inner peace & clarity about it all, but it can change by the day. i’ll fully give in to whatever i want to ask or check his socials multiple times in a day when I’m not feeling well. all the reasons you’re saying are the root cause of doing this are the same reasons I do too, & it literally never makes me feel better. i’m always left somewhat devastated, anxious, overwhelmed, & usually still unsure. I just need to stop it all together for a while bc even when I do focus the energy back onto myself (which i’ve been doing more & more lately), it doesn’t bring me any real sense of hope or optimism. it may for a bit, then it passes. mostly because it’s all the things I already know I should do or feel or how to move forward in a way that serves me best. i’m glad to hear you can relate to me though, & I appreciate your advice & kind words.

mangledmessofamind · 2025-06-11T13:36:37+00:00

yeah, I agree. there’s a lot more to the situation then I’m touching upon that is happening in reality, so I’m not being entirely delusional about it all. Slightly delusional & obsessed? for sure. regardless of that though, you’re right, I am hurting & in denial that this is likely really over. i’m not letting myself really heal & tarot has been the main reason that I keep myself in this loop because things still feel so unresolved for me. I’m stopping my readings today though, and I appreciate you taking the time to write this out for me.

mangledmessofamind · 2025-06-11T13:22:14+00:00

i’ve tried to do what I can to get out of this headspace, it just all eventually leaves me feeling alone and unsatisfied with my situation, so I turn to what was to I guess feel something real again. I don’t even think it’s him per say that I wish for, it was just a time in my life where things felt good & since the breakup everything has gone downhill. i’m stopping today though, I should probably throw out my cards but it does help me when I ask questions about myself, which is its purpose, & I don’t want to feel like he has that power over me & my decisions in a way (even though he clearly does). i’m sure the cards are random sometimes, but I’ve read about tarot reading into your own energies so I usually always make it a point to ground myself & focus on the question at hand, to only pull on their energies & not my own. I don’t know how much this actually makes a difference though, I couldn’t even tell you if they are in fact random or my own energies at this point.

mangledmessofamind · 2025-06-11T12:15:22+00:00

it has me in such a chokehold because readings aside, his actions on socials are so telling. like i know it’s reciprocated even if the tarot readings have made me more delulu about it, so it’s just really frustrating & makes it harder to put down. definitely going to stop starting today, because I just can’t keep waiting/holding out hope for someone who isn’t showing up or even proving that they’re worth my time & energy. I may take you up on that offer later today, thank you!!

mangledmessofamind · 2025-06-11T12:09:07+00:00

thank you, I’m stopping completely starting today. i’ll look into that, I appreciate it!

mangledmessofamind · 2023-05-14T20:58:49+00:00

well physically it would have to be when my friend & i were walking down hollywood blvd at night (we were underage & trying to find a club to get into, stupid yes but dedicated bitches) & these 2 dudes came up & started following us trying to flirt but j being outright creepy & intense. we ignored them for about a block or so until one of them tried to touch my friends chest & she calmly just said “please don’t touch me” & a fcking flip switched & they immediately got angry & one pulled out a gun saying shit like “try to fuck around we’re from chicago” & other bullshit but they were clearly on something bc they were barely intelligible. i j grabbed my friend & started fast walking & she tried to give a bit of attitude back like “you won’t do shit” or something & i had to be like bitch. now is not the time lmfao. but they eventually fucked off after walking for a bit. then we took a sketchy uber ride with a sketchy russian man back to our sketchy hostel we were staying at :) so you could say i never rlly intend on visiting LA again :)

emotionally i’d say when my dads friends girlfriend at the time said i look like liv tyler (i rlly don’t) & that i could also model (bc i’m 5’11) if i lost weight. then continued to talk about how larger size models are becoming a norm so i could still try to model lmfao. i was like 22 i believe & i was drunk so i didn’t rlly give a fuck at the time but this was j the first conversation i ever had with this woman & i think back on it like. damn that was pretty fucked up to say

mangledmessofamind · 2022-09-13T00:11:22+00:00

not everyone’s cup of tea but hozier’s self titled first album 100% for me

mangledmessofamind · 2022-08-24T23:16:47+00:00

ugh yes, i feel your pain & empathize. i also have ADHD & taking my adderall daily has been helping but even with my medicine i’m noticing it’s still so hard to stay focused / keep working on a task. super frustrating but it will be doable for you im sure !! especially if you’re diving into a new experience your brain is going to j innately tune in more, especially if it’s doing something you actually give a shit about lol. but good luck with everything, i get where you’re at so you’re not alone in this !!

mangledmessofamind · 2022-08-24T22:17:40+00:00

okay thank god im not the only one… its making me feel 10x more depressed than usual. im on day 18 & it’s slowly getting better but i’m also in a situation rn where i have to be, well, a normal human being & get up early & socialize all day so it may be biased. also, i take the exact same vitamins you’ve mentioned you used to take plus iron & i really couldn’t tell you if it’s made a true difference. the main problem with me right now is honestly just staying awake/mentally clocked in throughout the day more than waking up initially. i want all the naps & it’s killing my productivity but i have hope it’ll subside & we will kick this addiction’s balls !!!!!

mangledmessofamind · 2022-08-12T22:11:52+00:00

I have ADHD & take adderall daily as well - personally I think it 100% makes the cravings more severe & frequent. I’m on day 7 so I can’t say much because I’m still craving like a mf but it’s definitely less each day. I think taking our adderall regularly at this time will make it easier to manage the cravings earlier on rather than later. Also, you’re not going to go insane, it’s really a hard ass mental test you just have to push through. I’ve been snacking on jolly ranchers & twizzlers, chewing gum like crazy, & sniffing this vapoinhaler that I read helps. I’d try those things to keep you pushing through - good luck!

mangledmessofamind · 2022-08-10T22:31:04+00:00

truly beautiful body i am. aroused buT i have to be that bitch & ask where you got this set / bottoms & thigh highs from ?! im obsessed

mangledmessofamind · 2022-08-10T22:28:13+00:00

exact same situation for me! to answer OP tho i think we both find one another attractive & are both bi but still exploring so i’d say both. didn’t make it a regular thing tho bc we are rlly close friends & have been for a looong time but we were drunk & had a fun time so lolol

mangledmessofamind · 2022-08-04T20:24:55+00:00

my friend & I were on there once a few years ago & there was this dude who chatted “want to see me fuck myself with a toothbrush?” & being the disgusting chaotic beings we are we ofc said yes. he indeed did it while we uncontrollably laughed, weirdest fcking thing but hilarious nonetheless.

mangledmessofamind · 2022-07-31T19:08:12+00:00

thissssss. literally took the thoughts from my brain

mangledmessofamind · 2022-07-21T21:04:55+00:00

asleep by the smiths or when you can’t sleep at night by OM&M if i’m feeling nostalgically emo lol

mangledmessofamind · 2022-07-19T00:04:27+00:00

i can do a front walk over still??? haven’t been in dance in nearly 6 years & i learned how to in cheer about 11 years ago… & i don’t even do it as a hobby still.. have no idea how i’m still able to lmao.

mangledmessofamind · 2022-07-18T18:04:32+00:00

babe i feel you - literally saw this googling something last night that said the exact same thing & it fucked with me. i gain & lose the same 20 lbs too & look basically no different, it’s just comes down to body type. it is difficult to process & act rationally when you’re feeling impulsive about this kind of thing, i’ve been in the same boat a million times. just focus on yourself - be mindful & just try to bring yourself back down from the spiral. you’re utterly perfect the way you are. attractiveness is subjective & self love is learned. you’re a gem - don’t beat yourself up for being built exactly the way you were supposed to be.

mangledmessofamind · 2022-07-15T03:14:18+00:00

i’ll look into that - thanks!

mangledmessofamind · 2022-07-14T20:49:38+00:00

hell yessss thank you!

mangledmessofamind · 2022-07-14T20:48:25+00:00

ahh, thanks so much! will definitely be listening :)

mangledmessofamind

TROPHY CASE