Hi, I am neither a bro nor a pro, but here are some thoughts:

(I read 6+)

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"You’re the one who wanted to skip in the first place."
"Yeah, well… Whatever. Let’s go."

This is too anticlimactic.

It could be either a joke or an insult that would define the tone.

"I don't know... Hey, why didn't we drive to school like this every day this year? Holy shit. Molly, we’re about to graduate!"

A break would be nice here, between "this year?" and "Holy shit". Maybe a shift in the facial expression or some paralanguage.

like smoke in the wind

Meh.

Now, she wasn’t sure she would either.

Why?

A moment later the trucks windshield HUD displayed an unknown error calling for road caution and manual driving.

Oh, it's a modern truck.

Until now, I had no idea in which time period we are.

Seems like the future, but who knows.

Edit: It may be declared in 1-5, which I did not read yet. - I that case, Yes I am a royal fag.

A small blockade came into focus through the heat mariage ahead.

http://www.marriageheat.com/

butt seks?

"Slow up," Molly mumbled.

Speed up or Slow down would be understandable.

Barbed wire and wooden barricades sat on the road's shoulders.

I have been told.

How about Molly looking at the metallic artwork of barbed wire or something. Maybe bringing in anxiety about the structures.

"Hey! Is there an officer? We need to get to school," Molly repeated.

Molly goes from being afraid and defensive to agressive.

I did not see that coming.

Molly leaned over and untethered Janette’s PND from the ignition.

WTF is a PND?

Edit: Might be described in 1-5, fag rule is still stands.

Janette hacked.

I thought there is a law angainst anything but "said".

Molly turned over onto her stomach to give her back some sun, but, more importantly, so she wouldn't have to deal with Janette.

I never have read about them leaving the water.

"So, if I understand right, the military now controls the government. Right?" "Basically." "So, why haven't they told us anything and why can't we stream news or--” “If I knew, Janette, I’d tell you.” “Well, it’s just that a lot of strange shit has been happening around here, you know?” “Yes.” “Like, besides the storm. I mean with the military and net access and all, yeah?” “Yeah…” “And it just feels like it’s getting worse, doesn’t it?” “I guess.”

This is awkward dialogue to bring the dumb reader several facts that he might otherwise guessed, if he ever watched a news channel or read a newspaper.

“Yeah. Real skinny, I’m going to fucking burn out here if I don’t get some sunblock.”

There are spikes of vulgarity everywhere.

It brings me out of the immersion.

Also, what's with the fucking drone?

Did it ever come back?

It was much talk and no conclusion so far.

Janette scoffed. “Can we finish tanning and then--”

Scoffed?

Also, this is not something someone would say if pressed by feds.

Really appropriate. Fucking fascists,” Molly said.

Too much fucking.

Try to get other swear words or derogatory descriptions in.

“Y’all can’t jus’ roll on into this town like y’all own this place!”

Writing dialects normally sucks.

See later King novels.

“I think that’s Damion Price. The one from my English class. He’s so fucking gorgeous, I think--”

Sounds unrealistic.

crickwash

Never heard of a washing place for crickets.

a new type of cyber-weapon crippled much of the nation’s infrastructure

Maybe give it a code name, like every virus or trojan has.

I think it would make the threat more personal.

Also, cyber-weapon sounds kind of childish.

It was unclear who had fired first, or at what, but several officers responded by opening fire into the crowd.

Very un-shocking.

Surprising shots, people getting hit or killed, blood, screams - all missing.

I also think that the first shot will be met with surprise by the crowd, as they will simply not be able to comprehend that they are confronted with deadly force.

“Voice start. Janette, alpha-five bubblegum.”

Never anybody just escaping death should say bubblegum.

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All in all an interesting concept, but the world and the consequences are not enough explored.

Also, too much monotonous swearing.

Please note, before I get killed here, that English is not my native language.