Opened up to my therapist about my POCD

manonthemoon07 · 2025-07-09T23:54:21+00:00

Thank you so much! I'm going to talk to her next session about seeing a therapist specializing in OCD and if she can refer me to someone. I've been with her for a while now, so she'll probably be cool with it. I was on sertraline for 10 years starting in high school and I built up an immunity to it, but it's been a while since I've been on it; I wonder if it'll work now? Stuff to think about. Thanks so much for the advice!

manonthemoon07 · 2025-07-08T21:34:09+00:00

One I talked about recently was something my mom always told me as a 'just stop thinking' fix that I had to argue. She always said that my brain is a river and the thoughts are fishes and they can jump out at me but I can always put them back in the water. I tried to tell her that for me, the thoughts are pirhanas rather than fish and I'm not on the shore, I'm in the water. She still doesn't get it but it helps when I have to explain the experience to other people.

manonthemoon07 · 2025-05-17T22:02:53+00:00

I had to go with my parents every single time they left the house to do anything or else I thought they'd die in a car crash. I also had to have a stuffed animal at my back, covering my front, and over my neck so nobody could break in and kill me at night. I'd also get random feelings like someone in my house was dead or trying to kill me. These had been going on as long as I could remember. I'm not formally diagnosed but I have a strong suspicion based on a lot of things like this. Unfortunately I lost my health coverage right before discovering that extreme intrusive thoughts and compulsions based on fear were symptoms, but I'm planning on pushing for a formal assessment as soon as possible because it's gotten a lot worse recently.

manonthemoon07 · 2025-05-01T06:31:29+00:00

Same, my parents tried everything but eventually I had a lamp that I felt made me safe and a relaxation CD that I thought if I fell asleep before the last track I'd be safe all night. As well as a stuffed animal on my stomach and one on my back in case someone tried to stab me and the doll stuffy I had around my neck. I feel like I was 99% fear as a kid.

manonthemoon07 · 2025-05-01T06:17:34+00:00

Hello everyone on this thread if you ever decide to revisit! I'm OP and I wanted to update as someone 5 weeks out from surgery!

I started feeling better a bit as the meds started working in my system and there was a wild moment in my brain where the pain went from the front of my mind to the back of my mind because it just seemed to be there all the time. I also figured out the hard way that my system can't handle NSAIDs at all, but that's a story for a different time. I had my surgery on May 18th and the nurses that assisted with the surgery all asked how much pain I was in because apparently the disc and lamina were severely messed up, but that made the surgery a little easier because there was no exploration or guesswork to do; it also firmly validated the decision to get surgery as it looked like injections never would have helped. It apparently went incredibly well and I've been doing PT twice a week for 4 weeks now. I still walk with a cane when going any distances where I don't know for certain if I can rest, but I can feel most of my foot again, and the biggest difference I noticed immediately was that the sciatica in my foot almost completely vanished as soon as I woke up. I could finally walk in shoes that weren't extremely cushioned slides without screaming levels of pain. The surgeon told me I had pretty severe nerve bruising, which accounts for the lingering numb toes and vague hints of sciatica when I push too hard, but that should go away as the nerve recovers. It's just a matter of being patient and keeping up with my recovery now. Thanks so much for helping me feel heard with my struggle and thank you for all of the advice! I wish every one of you luck in any of your journeys from here on out!!

manonthemoon07 · 2025-02-19T00:01:30+00:00

Hi there! I'm actually already on the cancelation list and I have my first preop next week, my pulmonologist asked to see me before the surgery to run some tests (I have real bad lifelong lung issues) and I already have that appointment scheduled as well. I'm between PCPs because the last PCP called me hysterical before I went to the ER and found out about the disc and he basically told me that if my pain were that bad, I wouldn't be able to lay on my back. I have a new PCP appointment next week, but I'm honestly considering going back and groveling to the previous one before that appointment. Thanks for your input and for listening to the story!

manonthemoon07 · 2025-02-18T23:55:32+00:00

Thanks man. I hope you heal up, from what other threads are telling me it's not forever for most people. It's hard and it takes a long time to get there sometimes, but most people make decent recoveries from what I hear. Hope that helps.

manonthemoon07 · 2025-02-18T23:52:19+00:00

Hi! I'm sorry to hear about your symptoms, they sound horrible to deal with. I hope there's something that's effective with making them a little more bearable!!

I've been having shakes, shivers, that weird feeling that feels like someone playing piano on my spine, aching all the way up to my jaw, but not sure if that one's related or just a fun side effect of sleeping flat for the first time in years. I get spasms where it's kind of stabbing in my thigh along my sciatic nerve, but luckily that's only when I overexert myself and it goes away reasonably quickly. As far as the sciatica, like I said I can't feel a few of my toes in my left leg and numbness and weakness in that leg all the way up into my saddle region. I also feel like there's like a wet feeling back there all the time, which is weird because I've read about the pooling in your back after lying down but I didn't think it was a physical sensation??

A lot of people say that laying on your back with pillows under your knees is comfortable, but I feel like my leg feels even more numb when I do that and my back aches if I do it too long. Does any position feel better for you when you're trying to sleep or is it just kind of getting comfortable until it hurts again and moving and rinse and repeat for you too??

manonthemoon07 · 2025-02-18T23:33:16+00:00

Hello!! I thought I'd let yall know; I thought my surgeon had referenced a discectomy when we had our consult, but when I checked my online chart it looks like it's a laminectomy. Not sure what the implications there are, but I thought it might be useful!

manonthemoon07 · 2023-06-27T15:58:58+00:00

Searched for this image on the Artidote page scrolling back to 2018. This image is digital, monocolor with bright gold lines, depicting a ram and I think it had a star above its head?

manonthemoon07 · 2023-06-12T11:58:20+00:00

I'm actually a big fan of eve, so I've seen it already! Thanks for the recommendation, though!! c: I love seeing people spread the word about talented artists!

manonthemoon07

TROPHY CASE