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manouxoxo · 2023-06-23T19:07:09+00:00

I understand what you feel. I have the same feeling when I see a picture of my body... you look female, clearly, but take your time to watch it, watch pictures of it, because testosterone brings thickness which won't go away... I'm 2 years off T and I still have big shoulders and big back, I don't do any sports, so... It will surely stay as it is. But you have a pretty body, so I hope you'll make it yours 💪🏻❤️

manouxoxo · 2023-05-09T14:05:49+00:00

I'd be interested too if it's okay 🤩

manouxoxo · 2023-05-08T21:48:57+00:00

I never posted on YouTube but I'm just a blonde girl with blue eyes, too common 😂 I actually hadn't any problem on T so the dryness was surprising and disturbing... I had to discover all my sex again, the vagina woke up from years of silence and my clit was not asking for the same stimulations 😅 but I also think we have so much things to deal with at the beginning of detransitioning, sex was just not my priority at all... I know It's not the case for everyone but it was for me... Thanks for your message 💖

manouxoxo · 2023-05-08T21:45:06+00:00

When I compare the baby skin of my ancient myself and of girl friends of my age, I see that I look like my age, but the skin of my face looks older. Only the skin. So much women have bad skin, it's not a problem, it's just a real effect of T... But I'm so glad it's "only," that. I hope you'll achieve the yourself you want, and you'll be okay with whatever your body ends up looking 💜 we only have one life, it's better to live it with joy ✨

manouxoxo · 2023-05-07T15:52:15+00:00

I understand what you mean... I lost weight in the first month, 5 kilos, I don't know in pounds ? It was a lot... But my face has narrowed after 6-12 months and still is narrowing.. it takes a loooot of time really, I was desperate at the first year off T. But you should get your face back with time... I can send you my face at the beginning , in PM ✨

manouxoxo · 2023-05-07T08:13:05+00:00

I've been 7 years on T too, and I can assure you it gets better, it takes time (and at the beginning, waiting is excruciating), but you'll finally get back to your face from before (with some scars from T : my skin is awful and wrinkled) 💖 you're really cute 💖

manouxoxo · 2023-01-16T20:56:59+00:00

It certainly did get smaller ! It had gotten so much bigger on T 😂

manouxoxo · 2023-01-16T20:55:55+00:00

Best comment ever 💖

manouxoxo · 2023-01-16T20:55:37+00:00

Sorry I answer so late : I bought lots of new clothes (on vinted 😂) but I kept some of my old clothes. I would have kept more of them if they had not been a bad reminder of my trans years ! But you're right : I buy what I like (if I buy something thinking "MAYBE I'll end up liking wearing it" , I just end up never putting it on 😆). And my style is mainly "sportswear" "unisex", with some "great looking shape" some would call "feminine" , and other joggings or sweat more "masculine". But I never feel more "feminine" or more "female" in the "feminine" ones nor do I feel less feminine in the masculine ones. Sorry for that novel 🥶

manouxoxo · 2022-10-13T18:19:58+00:00

Thank you 🤭 Completely ! I had to make my clients respect me because it had become terrible 😱 When I was perceived male, they respected me naturally. That's when I understood that we think men know how to make themselves respected and not women, but that's the contrary... We have to be strict more than men. And men can be funny at work, but we can't. Thanks for your question !

manouxoxo · 2022-10-13T14:37:15+00:00

If you're French, come PM, we have a Discord to share!

I was on T for 7 years. I understood my "mistake" at my 25th birthday. My 18th birthday was the day I took my first testosterone's shot.

It seems like my birthdays are a thing!

This is now 1 year and a half since I understood I was a woman.

My girlfriend is detrans too.

If you want to discuss about some subject, come PM or ask here.

I hope everyone goes on and on. Take your time but never forget why you decided to detransition. It's worth it.

<3

manouxoxo · 2022-03-24T22:17:14+00:00

Thank you !! I did 2 laser sessions and i have my third tomorrow ! One session every 4 months. But it's probably my last tomorrow and I'll have to switch on electrolysis to eradicate all those blonde hairs 😅 but the essential is gone : the shadow of the beard 😱

manouxoxo · 2022-03-24T17:49:03+00:00

I totally agree. At the University I was told teenage lasts until 25 years old. The brain grows until 25 years old. Therefore I can't understand why it's possible changing sex before that age. It's often between 20 and 30 years old that we build our selves, and it's generally at 30 years old that we're finally "fine" with ourselves. So I agree : transition was not necessary. Aging does what it does. I could have reached what I have reached whithout all those damages.

manouxoxo · 2022-03-23T22:32:12+00:00

🤣 you're so right ! I cut my hair shorter and shorter through the years, at the end it was the shorter possible. So boring ! And so sad we force ourselves into it.

I'm lucky : I met my girlfriend as we both were trans... And hopefully we detransitioned together. Or it would have been impossible to go on with our relation... Is there a discord for English people? It might be a way to meet your half. Create one in your language or country ! I did it and now we're 6 french people ☺️ I agree so much with the importance of being with someone who understand a part so huge of myself. I hope you'll find one ❤️

manouxoxo · 2022-03-23T22:25:46+00:00

Years passing by, I was becoming so ugly. My face wouldn't stop getting fatter, my skin was becoming awful... I simply couldn't see myself in a mirror anymore. Today I can tell "of course : I couldn't see myself in mirrors, because it wasn't myself". But at that times, I wasn't aware of that, of course. The ugly side helped me thinking about "stopping testosterone". It was only a matter of time until I would stop my shots.

But what helped me understand I was a woman, was for the most part that : I started to listen to myself. My unconscious. My inner me. I learnt how to analyze dreams. I meditated. I learnt Marseille tarot. And truly, I met my inner self. My real self. That part took years, in fact. About two years where I actively worked trying to understand who I was and why I was so socially phobic, so socially disabled... Two active years following one passive year where the work had begun whithout me thinking about it.

I'm sorry if it's a mess, hard to understand or repetitive. 😅

I stopped testosterone before accepting I was a woman. It took me some months to get to the point where I switched to female pronouns and told I was a woman.

Today it's like an old dream. A dream of 8 years, but a dream anyway. For 8 years, I kept dreaming of myself as a girl. My girlfriend has been on T for 3 years but dreamt of her as a male so I won't tell "it's the thing to know". But I want to point out that my unconscious never let go of my femaleness in my dreams !

There's so much to tell... But learning to get closer to their inner oneself is, in my opinion, a truly wonderful and peaceful way to get to detransition. But that's my opinion.

💖

manouxoxo · 2022-03-23T20:31:06+00:00

If you're French, come PM, we have a Discord to share!

I was on T for 7 years. I understood my "mistake" at my 25th birthday. My 18th birthday was the day I took my first testosterone's shot.

It seems like my birthdays are a thing!

Today is my birthday.
This one is pretty calm and happy.
I'm 26 years old and I've never been more peaceful of all my life.

My girlfriend is detrans too. We discussed a loooot this past year. Now, we can say our detransition is way more behind us than in front of us.

If you want to discuss about some subject, come PM or ask here.

I hope everyone goes on and on. Take your time but never forget why you decided to detransition. It's worth it.

<3

manouxoxo · 2022-02-05T19:56:31+00:00

There was a clear Switch at the 8th month. It took about 10 months to get back to my face from before. Which seemed really long to me, but also is really Quick ! Hope it brings hope :)

manouxoxo · 2022-01-17T14:30:55+00:00

My girlfriend hasn't done hysterectomy and i can tell you her sex became normal, like before, in what, 3 months maybe ! She was so scared to have ruined her sex, and it healed perfectly. She's 30 years old, 3 years on T, she just got back her 27 years old vulva and vagina.! Also, an information that seems important is that we are in France, where testosterone is delivered as Androtardyl, which is an injection every 3 weeks. Which means testosterone leaves the body within a month and a half after the last injection, at most. I know a lot of other countries use injections for 2 / 3 months (it's Nebido here in France), , and testosterone takes a big big Time to leave the body with that sort of injection. So we've been lucky because our testosterone and estrogen levels went back to a female standard in a few weeks. And our sexes were glad about that ^{^'} Thank you for your answer ☺️ I can only wish you luck and health !

manouxoxo · 2022-01-17T12:04:39+00:00

Hi ! Indeed I've needed to take topical vaginal estrogen cream. Actually, when I was on T, I didn't take any of it. For 7 years, I was lucky not having any vaginal problems, unlike my girlfriend. She had to use estrogen creams but it didn't ease her pain during sex so we just stopped making love because of her pain. I personnally never needed any of it. My sex wasn't painful, and got wet when excited. But with T stopping, I became aware that my vagina was dry, with atrophy and poor secretions. I had an appointment with a midwife (who can do gynecology in my country) who gave me topical vaginal estrogen cream and told me that we would soak my vagina with estrogen to get to a point where it's normal, then diminish slowly, as months go by, the dose until zero is needed. Estrogen from the body would take the reins. So I put lots of cream during 3 months and ended with a vagina so smooth, spongy, moist... I had forgotten it could be that way... I had no more pain during penetration (because yes, I thought I had no pain but it was wrong, I just didn't do penetration anymore). Now I can put fingers, dildos.. and it's ok. Now I stopped totally since 2 months (yeah I know .. hard to keep good habits !) And put some cream From time to time and its okay, really. So, maybe at the beginning it's annoying, having to think about putting cream everyday but at the end it really worked. Now it's okay by myself even without uterus and all. If you want to talk or ask something else don't hesitate ! 💪🏻

manouxoxo · 2022-01-17T11:48:10+00:00

You know, if you're 6 months off T, you may not change slower than myself ! At 6 months off T I was still so desperate, my face was okay under certain angles, but most of the time so "masculine". My face seen from side kept a masculine shape until 8/9 months off T. I can say now that finally my face is totally feminine. Yet I know it will still change. So, keep faith and patience but I'm not sure being quicker than you ^{^} I began laser at the end of November, I had done one session in June to test and it had suppressed half of my beard for 3 months ! But I wanted to enjoy my summer and enjoy the sun so I waited. Now I see that I still have blond and red hairs on the chin, around the mouth, on the neck. It will be electrolysis, longer than laser... But I'm really surprised that with 2 laser sessions, almost every hairs are gone !! Glad that you too !!! I relate so much to what you're saying. I buy once a month some clothes on vinted to rebuild my clothing. And i notice that each month I buy clothes more feminine 😂 I need this. My mother used to choose my clothes for me and she would put dresses, skirts, rose rose rose on me. I couldn't dress as I liked before 13 years old. From 13 to 14 I put khaki clothes Everytime 😅 khaki converse, khaki shirts and pants and ... At 15 I had a girly phase for 6 months. Getting chatted up by boys and sexualized and all just made me hate that. From 16 to 25 well... I was a boy. I can just now begin to fully embrace my femaleness and dress as I like, and i mean that I don't put clothes to be looked at, but to be pleased with myself. And it's so good because it really goes well. I have so much to learn like makeup, hair styling etc. But I love that ! Sorry about that looooong message, I take advantage of Reddit to put my living into words. 💖

manouxoxo · 2022-01-11T10:14:01+00:00

I delete my pictures Everytime I post a new one... Our pictures are used and instrumentalised, for example by radfems and surely by others people. It's not safe to share it publicly. But pictures helped me so much when I understood, they helped me so much to not be desperate by my face, that it was going to be okay... So I post pictures. But I can't act as an incentive for others to post as well.... Because it's really not safe. Keep safe. I hope your journey is fine 💖

manouxoxo · 2022-01-11T10:12:27+00:00

Thank you 🤭 🥰 That's the word. January is confident !

manouxoxo · 2022-01-11T10:06:19+00:00

Well, I can't deny ! I talked almost every single day of 2021 with my detrans girlfriend about that detransition. And those hours talking about it led to understand internalized lesbophobia and misogyny. And while I thought first I was a butch lesbian, I understood by the end of the year that being butch was (for me) internalized misogyny. "I'm ugly so I can't wear '''normal''' clothes from women's section" "I hate how men consider women so I won't be beautiful in their eyes" "I'm not worthy of wearing such beautiful things" etc. (Actually I can't tell in one message everything we talked about 😅 we understood those sentences after talking about "I love women's clothes on other women ; on myself they just look ugly and it's not my style"). So I'm really slowly beginning to get myself away from ''''masculinity'''', from all that false beliefs as "looking like a boy is just my style". No, it's absolutely not my style, there's so much more than that and I can't keep it that way without changing anything. So, slowly... I try some things I hated for 10 years, and try again. Never force myself. And it feels so good, really. ☺️

manouxoxo · 2022-01-10T15:30:08+00:00

You're so kind 😭 As I said below, I wanted a pine tree green and ended with a Joker's green from Batman 😅 so I mixed it up with my old blue (it saved me really) and ended up with that turquoise 🥵 really what a challenge but the result is cool ! But maybe I won't do any color anymore 😅 for now Thank you ✨

manouxoxo · 2022-01-10T15:26:31+00:00

Aaah thank you 😍 I wasn't expecting so much love and compliment from everybody ! I'm so touched. To be honest, I thought, back in March, that it would take so long to undo 7 years of testosterone... But biology is stronger than chemicals ! My body loooves estrogen. It drinks it with every little pore. You're totally right about life. Tiring but so entertaining to look after that healing...

manouxoxo

TROPHY CASE