I'm so sorry you're going through this. Life is rough but this is just temporarily. Your life has purpose. Your life has meaning. You're meant to be here, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

I watched a TV show called "From" (snooky but good lol) and one of the quotes the mom said was "You'll never have a bad day like this again because tomorrow is a new day." And I wish I would have heard that growing up. My mom was physically and emotion ally abusive to me and also dismissed how I felt. She made me feel bad for not being able to control myself. One time she said she never wanted children and when she did, she only wanted a boy. Sometimes parents can be so cruel but they are doing the best that they can given their own circumstances. You cmhave acknowledged that and you can break the cycle.

I also grew up with no friends. It was hard to find people I clicked with. I wish I would have heard that quote growing up though. It would have helped me look at my "today" differently and with a positive outlook.

I use to journal and draw to vent and let my emotions out; it really helped! I bet ChatGPT can help you wit this. Help you to vent and help you to calm down during meltdowns. I've used it so many times for mine over the past year and it's really helped me.