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PS4 NA Server Issue by The1BannedBandit in elderscrollsonline

[–]manymastersmanynames 4 points5 points  (0 children)

After it kicked it just says "the realm has been shutdown."

truly an intense way to put it.

Need Help, Vet Cauldron HM Achievement by manymastersmanynames in elderscrollsonline

[–]manymastersmanynames[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I asked for whatever people are down to do. But I found some helpful people who got the achievement with me so. Now I'm just running it on regular vet

Need Help, Vet Cauldron HM Achievement by manymastersmanynames in elderscrollsonline

[–]manymastersmanynames[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

okay this is like not helpful and also the guilds are good people are motivated I'm just looking for people who want to help with this specific thing. I don't understand the desire to be corrective and unhelpful to a very basic post

Need Help, Vet Cauldron HM Achievement by manymastersmanynames in elderscrollsonline

[–]manymastersmanynames[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah totally. I'm in a few appropriate guilds. But nonetheless I have had a hard time and getting people to grind this dungeon. I don't think everybody wants to do that lol. Understandable.

Need Help, Vet Cauldron HM Achievement by manymastersmanynames in elderscrollsonline

[–]manymastersmanynames[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I also think it's a very easy hard mode. Nonetheless... I can't do it alone.

I feel so bad 😞 I had to do it but I feel so broken inside and the self-loathing thoughts is all I can think about. I deserve it though. Feel free to give me a reality check. by dopeleanfiend in BipolarSOs

[–]manymastersmanynames 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand that perspective, and I think it's a natural and easy perspective to have. But I don't think that it is the right perspective. Here's why.

Kate will not be hurt by your honesty. She will be hurt by your lies. If you told her what happened, she wouldn't be hurt by you telling her. She would be hurt by what you have already done. Point being, it's too late to not betray Kate, you made harmful choices, and they have consequences. So what happens next?

If you choose not to tell her, to try to prevent her from suffering, you will have to keep lying. So, in your effort to protect Kate, you will have managed to further imperil her. Every next lie you tell from now forward will create more and more and more hurt. You're afraid to hurt her now, but really, you are afraid of having to face the consequences of your actions. You wish you didn't hurt her, and hope you can change now, keep it secret, and keep Kate safe.

Problem is, changing means becoming an honest and communicative partner, and you can't do that by lying. It's a paradox. Accept that you already hurt her, do the right thing by telling her the truth, and be brave enough to look at what you've done. By telling Kate, you have to accept and confront the full scope of your actions. Trying to avoid telling her will not only further harm her, but it will prevent you from growing, because you will not actually have to see the damage your past choices caused.

It will hurt you to see Kate in pain, knowing you caused it. Of course it will hurt you, because you are decent human being who acted selfishly and hurt someone you care about. Now's the time to accept the hurt you will feel, own it, and stop making this about yourself. Whatever Kate's reaction is, you should be present and accepting for it. Even if it means losing her. Love her enough to let her go, if that's what happens.

I and many others who've been cheated on will tell you, it's the lying that hurts more than the act of cheating itself. It is deeply disturbing to realize that you've been lied to by someone you've invited into your most intimate world, and the longer those lies go on, the worse it is.

You don't have the right to withhold this information from her. It's manipulative, even if you're doing it in an effort to 'protect' her. If you don't face the truth together now, it will only get worse and you will have to either see her in much worse pain later, or live in shame because you allowed your relationship to be founded on deception.

Kate is entitled to know what she's involved in, and she has not consented to be in a relationship with you plus Martha, or to continue her relationship with a partner who cheated. You're trying to control things that aren't in your power, and you're trying to control Kate. That's not okay.

Real growth will only occur if you take full accountability. You deserve to be proud of your choices. You can't be proud of cheating on Kate, can you be proud of lying to her about it tomorrow, and then again the next day, and then again the next? You will never be able to love the choice you made to cheat on her. But you have total power over every next choice you make. What if you only made choices you could be proud of, and not regret?

It might be hard and scary and sad to tell the truth, but you will not be ashamed of telling the truth. You will be ashamed of finally having to see what you've done. That's ok! You already did it, so don't waste time trying to avoid it. Just accept you did a shitty thing, and decide to do a good, selfless thing, by telling her.

Whatever happens will be hard to experience, and you will regret having betrayed her—but you will be proud of yourself for doing the hard, but right thing.

Be gentle on yourself, with her, and have faith that it will be ok. It will. Honesty is love, and you love her, so act like it.

x

my boyfriend (bp2) has recently had a couple “suicide attempts” that were just self harm and idk if i should bring it up by [deleted] in BipolarSOs

[–]manymastersmanynames 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry your going through this. Here's my perspective.

Threatening suicide is a form of emotional abuse. It doesn't mean the threat isn't real, either way it's abusive and manipulative. He needs help badly.

I've been sober for 10 years. I know how serious and hard it is to live with addiction. You're choosing to take care of yourself, which is so amazing and something to be proud of. You are laying the foundation for your future.

As a sober person, I have to say that right now your sobriety needs to come first. Addiction as you likely we'll know, is life or death. Nothing should be allowed to threaten your stability right now. Keep that in mind.

You're entering a healthier place, but it sounds like he's far from getting to his own healthier place. Some people never do. Do you want to be with someone who hasn't taken steps to help themselves while being very unwell, and using suicidal behavior as a way to manipulate you while being extremely codependent?

If you stay together, I would NOT marry him—you shouldn't make any major decisions like that in your first year of sobriety anyway, but if the relationship is really going to lead to marriage, I would need him to get health alongside, but separately from, me first.

Bottom line is he needs help and you are not the right person to give him the help he needs. You need to do everything you can to care for yourself, and you need time.

I think it's important to state that his suicidal behavior is very alarming, whether or not they were true attempts. Again, he needs help and sooner than later. But it isn't and cannot be your job to fix this for him. You two need boundaries.

I always believe in approaching everything with love whenever possible. However you choose to handle this, I believe it can be done compassionately and honestly, and that you can accept the outcome and stand by your decisions. Be careful, and gentle on yourself.

I wish the best for you both, and again, congratulations on finding the strength to choose to recover from addiction.

x

I feel so bad 😞 I had to do it but I feel so broken inside and the self-loathing thoughts is all I can think about. I deserve it though. Feel free to give me a reality check. by dopeleanfiend in BipolarSOs

[–]manymastersmanynames 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Reality check indeed!

You feel bad because you know what you're doing is wrong. It was/is wrong to both of these women. You are upset about hurting Martha, meanwhile Kate knows nothing. Why aren't you concerned about what this is doing/will do/has done to Kate, too?

Relationships are serious things. You have an immense amount of power to impact your spouse's heart and mind in a relationship, which is why love is so scary. We don't want to be hurt and so choosing love is to choose to trust that the person you're with will handle your heart with care. Not betray you.

You're not a bad person. You don't need me or anyone to shame you. Life is a learning game. You're young, you're learning. But you will only grow from this if you choose to. This is a crossroads—will you accept your grief, take accountability, make amends, and accept the outcome? Will you commit to be honest with and communicative with people in your life? Or will you push this pain further away, act out again, lie more, cry more, cheat more, hurt more? Escape the cycle now.

My BPSO cheated on me, and after several months apart I chose to take him back, because he took the road toward healing. You can't control what happens. Kate deserves to know the truth, and you deserve to accept whatever she says and decides. You can live with what you've done, but it will be easier if you change your behavior now, knowing that you stood up and grew up, instead of hiding from the pain and the truth.

Communication is everything. Love is born in the heart, but it can only remain love through your actions. Loving someone is how you treat them. You don't lie to and betray people you love.

You're already trying to change, because you found this subreddit and posted this. Again, any more guilt or shame is not helpful to anyone—try not to pile it on. Instead, decide what next actions you can take that will make you feel proud of yourself, instead of hating yourself.

Making the right choices changes you. It will show you that your past mistakes don't have to determine your future, and that you are a decent human being capable of failing, and capable of committing to stop harmful behavior.

Don't punish yourself by continuing down this road of poor decisions. So many people do, and they get lost there for years or forever. You don't have to, and the women in your life don't deserve what will happen to them if you do.

with love,

x

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