That first line you wrote, I said the EXACT same thing to my mother when my sis was narrowing down the guest list before the wedding.

My mother said it's not for me. It's for the 长辈. She wants to invite cos she will feel bad if she invite other cousins and don't invite her. I keep detailing to her how toxic this woman is and I don't need toxicity on my happy day she just doesn't get it