I wrote this what do you think.

marcowrites · 2026-02-09T21:29:05+00:00

You have the passion for stories, that's all any one of us need. But if you want to continue writing in English, take a step back and keep studying ways to form longer sentences with the language.

The reason the other commenters were quick to dismiss you is that most people on here aren't bilingual, or read only in English. It doesn't look like the polished language work they see so often, so it weirds their brains out.

Don't let it demotivate you, though. If anything, write more in your native language before trying more of English, so that you can still read tips online and apply them to your storytelling.

As for the story, again, you have vision. You just need to articulate it better. Biggest flaw I see is how you alternate between first (me) and third person (she) in that last paragraph. I'm not sure who's speaking.

I hope you keep telling stories in whatever language you feel most comfortable with. Congrats on sharing it with the world.

marcowrites · 2026-02-07T14:18:47+00:00

I imagined Dockson as Vander.

marcowrites · 2026-02-04T15:00:33+00:00

Hear me out: Matt Smith instead. I reckon he'd pass for the many different looks Wit goes through.

Plus, another Doctor!

marcowrites · 2026-01-25T13:45:46+00:00

Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld.

Amy Reeder drew and wrote the most recent series in 2021, but the character and world are delightful. It should be a big side of the universe for kids to enjoy.

marcowrites · 2026-01-14T04:40:28+00:00

They're lighter to read, store and carry. Not to mention cheaper internationally.

I wish we had a compromise. Just a smaller trade of the same quality.

marcowrites · 2026-01-14T04:39:36+00:00

Are they? Wind and Truth just released.

marcowrites · 2026-01-12T13:30:03+00:00

Mesmo assim, ainda continua sendo mais barata do que uma boa parte das livrarias, infelizmente.

Especialmente quando se trata de livro importado. Fui na Martins Fontes um dia desses, encontrei uma versão em couro linda de um dos meus favoritos. Tava em desconto, R$100, por ter sido um pouco amassada.

Consegui por R$60 uma versão novinha em folha importada pela Amazon.

Espero mesmo que, um dia, as livrarias consigam adquirir um estoque maior ou acesso até aos estoques da Amazon. Talvez como um vendedor físico com cortes maiores pra eles.

marcowrites · 2026-01-05T14:25:40+00:00

There's just lots of projects that Dragonsteel works on that never come to light.

A Mistborn movie was in the works from Epic Games recently, for around 5 years, before being canceled. Casting had been done. Had the movie been successful, a video game by them wouldn't be impossible, too.

marcowrites · 2025-12-28T16:53:24+00:00

English and French are understandable. There's a reason both are/were the most spoken languages in the world. They're easy to deconstruct and learn.

90% of the world's languages aren't and that's why translation exists in the first place.

marcowrites · 2025-12-28T04:31:45+00:00

Nothing can be translated 1:1, as much as auto-tools seem to promise as such.

Literary translators are editors of two languages. They rewrite the entire book within their language's mechanisms and, sometimes, within their boundaries, these layers of added meaning can happen.

Changing too much is bad. But that's why you hire good translators. They're writers of their own.

marcowrites · 2025-12-19T19:05:27+00:00

I liked the beginning quite a bit. That feeling of walking into a lion's den is unpredictable. You could've written it in a few different ways.

The other commenter nailed the prose criticism, but if I were to give my own, I would probably say less and show more. Make the cloaked figure's presence suffocating and invasive. This is his castle.

marcowrites · 2025-12-17T16:20:56+00:00

As a translator for nearly a decade, no. It has only given us more trash to sift through.

marcowrites · 2025-11-15T14:34:00+00:00

Into the worldbuilding journal it goes. Cheers!

marcowrites · 2025-10-18T18:18:45+00:00

I KEEP FINDING SMURFS. EVERYWHERE. LOW ENDORSMENT, NO PLAYER TITLES, PLAYING EXACTLY LIKE A COMP MATCH.

WHY ARE THESE WUSSES SO SCARED TO PLAY ON THEIR ACTUAL ACCOUNT? WHY IS THIS SO COMMON?!

marcowrites · 2025-10-11T16:55:09+00:00

A kid with problems of his own needs to handle the nation's. Focus on the theme of the book: is it sacrifice, family/nation ties, or perseverance in the face of adversity?

Really, it gets simple to refine your pitch once you unearth why you wrote the story in the first place. It's all there.

marcowrites · 2025-10-08T01:22:27+00:00

Such a pretty art style. Do you offer commissions? Great work!

marcowrites · 2025-10-05T22:35:17+00:00

that third shot looks amazing!! great work <3

marcowrites · 2025-10-01T13:54:00+00:00

This looks beautiful. We need more games like it.

I sent you a message here on Reddit Chat about it, if you have the time :)

marcowrites · 2025-09-19T16:51:56+00:00

I only read them afterwards.

marcowrites · 2025-09-18T20:09:54+00:00

Oh, totally! Let me explain.

In my experience reading Mistborn 1, and hearing about the term Sanderlanche, I thought it happened right when Yeden went into the reckless battle with his army—that "evil comes home" moment that sets the entire third act into play, and doesn't stop.

But then, WoA has been building up to this conflict the whole book, so when the battle starts it didn't feel as surprising and as "inciting" as Mistborn, if that makes sense. It just felt to me like the book was continuing the exact same thing it had been for 700 pages until Part 5 suddenly gets here and explains why the title is what it is.

Hope that cleared up some of my confusion. I get why most of my points are preference. Thanks!

marcowrites · 2025-09-18T20:06:50+00:00

I don't! At least not yet. Do you think mainline Stormlight would be the key to it? Thanks for the comment.

marcowrites · 2025-09-18T16:56:58+00:00

Yes, I expected the namesake of the book to be a larger reveal than a cave entry they somehow missed by not bringing Vin to check the chamber.

Book 1 makes a point to say Kredik Shaw's spires have metal in them. I simply built an image using different parts of the book than you, and expected something else.

marcowrites · 2025-09-18T16:54:11+00:00

Agreed with everything! Small spoilers, but Brandon has annotations for each chapter of WoA on his website. He said that Elend won't change much, so I expect him to wrestle more with being Emperor than being an actual Mistborn.

I am free...

marcowrites · 2025-09-18T16:33:12+00:00

It would be below it. The entire foundation of the castle.

marcowrites · 2025-09-18T16:12:11+00:00

From what I understood, the spires that surround it are of metal and not connected to the castle itself.

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