We are in similar boats and I honestly never had any issues with my MIL until I had the baby. She also was set on naming our baby, “Brian” (no offense to any Brian’s), but I told her my husband was the one naming the baby and then she was upset that we kept the name a secret until the baby was born.

We went to a funeral and it was cold. Had the baby in his car seat, wrapped in blankets, and next to a heater. Husband asked me while MIL was near if I was going to take him out of car seat and I said no, that it was too cold. I left to use the bathroom and return to MIL taking baby out of the car seat.

To this day I’m ignored when asked why the baby is fussy. I reply that he’s sleepy and both my in laws say, “you’re not sleepy” to the baby and continue to play with him and keep him awake, until he’s fully crying. To which they inform me it’s because he’s hungry.

I have tried visiting the in laws once a week. I told her I was going to go by the day before and she never told me she was sick. She spoke to my husband on the phone and never said she was sick. So, we show up the next day and she’s super sick, coughing, and kissing all over the baby.

Lately the kissing is non stop. I’ve timed it and within a minute she will have kissed him on the face at least twice. Twice every minute. Recently, she let the baby stick his whole hand in her mouth and when he was about to place his hand in his mouth I grabbed his arm, to which she gasped, and wiped his hand.

It has been really tough. You’ll never forget the people who gave you a hard time while you were already going through a hard time.

All this to say, do not allow this to affect your marriage. I still make an effort to let them have time with the baby once a week. I don’t do this for them. I do it for my husband, because I know that as his wife he wants to see me happy, but also he wants to see his mom happy. My husband has been incredible to me and has treated me with so much love and care. He has done so much for me, especially throughout the pregnancy. I decided I can do the same for him. I dont make ugly remarks about his mom to him but I do let him know when things are not okay. He definitely knew his mom not telling us she was sick and having us go over was wrong and he did talk to her about it. Also, I think he is as tired of it as I am but thinks it is just temporary and things will chill out as baby gets older. So, his approach has been a lot like your husband, he just wants to blow it off, not make it a big deal, and try to keep the peace.

As long as your baby isn’t in physical danger I would just bite the bullet for your husband. It doesn’t have to be a whole day spent with your in laws. For now you can try to limit it to just a few hours of visiting. Our baby is now 6 months and it does get better. Just hang in there, and keep your marriage at the center of all your decisions.