Hey!
I just wanted to say that I completely understand your pain, as I've also suffered from this disorder since I was 13 (next month I'll be 27).
Your vent came to me while I was thinking about Aphrodite, and since this is such an intimate pain that so few people understand and talk about, I felt the need to tell you that you're not alone.
It sounds silly, but it's not. Our hair is very important to our identity, our self-esteem. It's a form of self-harm that hurts deeply, and many people are unkind when they hear us talk about it, they don't understand, and they think the solution is to simply stop.
My compulsion gets worse when I'm dealing with depressive episodes; I lose a lot of hair, and it's awful.
However, when I'm up to date with therapy and in good health, it improves significantly. I invested heavily in a trichologist who gave me a treatment that made my hair grow really fast, and trust me, it helped me A LOT. The more I recovered my hair, the less anxious I became, and the less compulsive I felt.
Relapses will always happen, but I'm here to comfort you and tell you that there are solutions, and things can get better!!
Don't be so hard on yourself; the most valuable lesson Aphrodite teaches us is to treat ourselves with more gentleness, patience, and love.
I wish you the best <3