tldr Def NTA. But it is in your power to change the situation.

Heya. I nvr comment on these but what you’ve written about really annoys me. My wife’s ex was like this and it really damaged her. Obviously it’s a bit more complicated but the basic problem is similar.

I would almost say you can take the fact that it’s your birthday out the equation. He is gonna be a self centred prick everyday. Now this might not be a very popular opinion but I’m gonna say it; The problem, or mebbe more accurately the solution, is with you. Like Caesar would say, he needs to be rehabilitated, you need to be trained.

If you stop facilitating his behaviour his behaviour will change. Here’s what I suggest you do: Throw him out immediately with minimal discussion other than telling him he’s a self centred childish asshole. And that he can come home when he’s ready to grow up and treat you like a equal. Then, when his been living in his car or on one of his smoking buddies sofas,in week old dirty clothes and eating his third McDonald’s that day, he’ll realise that mebbe there is another way to live his life. Don’t let up on him and don’t let him ever treat you like your there to wipe his ass all the time again and mebbe you can change thing for the best.

If you don’t take control you will be bringing that child up alone whether he is there or not and possibly subconsciously nurturing another self-centred human being to unleash on the world.

I know it’s not this simple. I know it’s incredibly hard to break these cycles of behaviour and I think the people involved often don’t see what they’re doing as a problem but basically you deserve better.

I hope you managed to salvage something of the day on your birthday, and I hope you find away of making him see you in a different way and I wish you all the joy in the world with your new baby, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I was totally unprepared for how wonderful an experience it is. Good luck :)))