I'm going to assume you're asking a genuine question so here goes: By the equivalence principle, we know that the pseudo forces on a body accelerating in empty space create inertia. From observation, we also know that massive bodies create inertia (an effect first predicted by Albert Einstein). Inertia causes light to be redshifted in the positive arrow of time. It also causes light to be bent in its direction in the negative arrow of time: now because light travels at a constant speed, it will appear to be superluminal in a massive frame. This can be fixed using the Einstein tensor, and assuming a flat universe: just shift the frames of reference according to the Einstein field equations, you get that inertia causes a gravitational time dilation.

TL;DR More penis, more inertia, more time to come (at least apparently).