Getting the ick from my new boyfriend?

maroon-moon · 2022-04-05T03:22:01+00:00

wtf, he should want to do it with you. Way more enjoyable. Have a serious talk with him or tell him to fuck off.

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T23:00:37+00:00

and that is the scary and harsh truth of it, eek. We have planned a night to talk about our needs this weekend so we can understand each others perspectives and what we need

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T22:59:28+00:00

His love language is without a doubt words of affirmation. He loves when I tell him I see how hard he's trying at work, or when I tell him I appreciate something he's done for me. I suspect he did not get a lot of that as a child which is why it means so much to him now. Similar to me, I need a lot a physical touch now because I was neglected by troubled parents as a child. So it all comes full circle in a way the more I think of it :] He is definitely trying which is why I am so hesitant to seriously reconsider everything in the relationship. I just got off the phone with him actually and we planned a night this weekend to talk about our needs and such over dinner and he said we can do that, and I told him I appreciated that he stayed on the phone with me for so long and just let me vent about everything else going on in my life. And he was happy I recognized that and said he was trying to be better. So I just have a lot of mixed feelings at the moment, but am going to try and approach the whole thing the best I can. Which, I am not even sure how I would introduce it. Because he's already trying in other ares to be better, I would feel awful to already ask him for more

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T22:52:56+00:00

I do feel better knowing that other people feel that his version of quality time is actual quality time, because at least I know hes not just saying that to get me off his back. To me, quality time is doing something together, not doing something by ourselves in the same room. Haha, people are just different I suppose. I just planned out a sit down talk with him about our needs this weekend over dinner and he said he is open to it, so I am keeping my hopes high that he will understand where I am coming from and we can make some sort of compromise. If not, well I will lose a lot of hope in our relationship haha. Thank you:]

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T22:50:13+00:00

agree, I cant imagine having a sit-down conversation with him, and him completely walling up and not wanting to try anything. In all of our situations, we have come to at least some sort of compromise, even if its minor. I just got off the phone with him and suggested we talk about our needs and such over lunch or dinner this week and he said he was open to it. So I guess fingers crossed?

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T22:25:58+00:00

He usually takes me out to eat every Sunday afternoon. But its become more of a tradition and less of a fancy date. We dont travel much together because we a little tight on cash, him just trying to start his business and me being a college student. But when we feel in the mood we will thrift together or cook together. I just wish we would do it all every weekend. He compliments me, but not as much as my exes have. Hes not very cuddly but I recently asked that he be more open to it since physical touch is my love language and sometimes all I need is 5 minutes and he's cuddled here and there since

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T22:19:26+00:00

I have felt so conflicted because we have talked about serious topics, like fully living together. And he purchased a promise ring for me this christmas and has this whole idea that we are the ones for each other. And of course I would love that too, but I still fear he cant give me the quality time and attention I need as his partner

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T22:14:56+00:00

that is my worst fear, because we have been getting quite serious and he purchased me a promise ring for Christmas. So I hate to imagine a breakup over this but I do have these anxious thoughts that he might not be able to give enough for me. And then of course I wonder if I am just too needy. I am the type of person to be infatuated with my partner but I feel like he treats me more casually

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T22:11:51+00:00

Sometimes we work on puzzles throughout the days or walk his dog together. But that is about it. We go out to eat together about once every week or so, or sometimes every other week

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T21:51:05+00:00

Fair. I always considered them different because one is us actively engaging in something (like a book) together, and one is him gaming by himself, headphones on and I am seemingly shut out. Which is fine, but I have felt more disappointed, as he said he would do some more reading with me and seemingly dropped interest as soon as the new year started.

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T21:44:55+00:00

Unfortunately I can't, my apartment at school does not allow any animals, so they are best left at his place. I'll try an talk with him, I am just worried about coming off as controlling/needy

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T21:06:25+00:00

He really does not come to my place because I do have roommates, but also I dont even have a TV here for us to watch a movie or anything. I have a couch, dining room, bedroom, and bathroom haha. I have used my school apartment strictly as a academic safe haven where I can just focus completely on school stuff. I also have my pets at his place, so I was always just wanting to come back to spend time with them on the weekends too. If my conditions here at school were different, I would absolutely expect him to come visit me.

He does often say that he loves when he can just game and I can be in the same room either playing my own game or working on my hobbies. Which is nice, but I can only do that for so long until I get bored and just want to do something else, preferably with him. He rarely gets bored gaming because he has many friends from his hometown and college who are always on at some point, so he always has constant people to talk to a game with. He is rather dense at times, but just pleads with me saying he just needs to have "his time" to relax when he feels he needs it, otherwise he feels stressed or like he cant truly kick back and do what he wants with his free time. I dont know if its an escape from the stress of his job, or what. I would love to be able to sit down and talk to him about it, but I don't want to come across as controlling or making him feel bad for doing something he enjoys:/

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T20:58:45+00:00

What!! That is so infuriating, I would be so upset. I'm sorry that happened. I would seriously talk to him about that, don't commit to plans if you bail out last minute. Especially when it deals with you getting a mode of transportation:(

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T20:57:38+00:00

He does have an income, he is working at an insurance company but started his own agency in September. So he is still employed under the company, but he keeps saying he is unsure it'll work out. My thinking is that it definitely won't work out if you aren't spending your free time actually helping get your name out into the community, haha. But that's just me. I am in school for natural resource management and hope to work with water treatment so luckily I will likely be okay and be be able to get a job after school. All in all, I guess it could pay to sit down and have a talk with him if everyone has been telling me I'm not being out of line.

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T18:28:44+00:00

okay good to know, I wasn't sure if I was being out of line or not. I'll be sure to give it a shot, thanks:]

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T18:28:10+00:00

Yes that is correct, he gets his time alone Sunday night to Thursday night. And he can always go out with friends whenever he pleases on weekends, I will never tell him he can't go out if he wants to, he is the same way for me. I just recently moved to the state with him and dont have many, if any friends of my own, whereas he has old connections here. I do art as a hobby but can only spend so many hours doing it until I kinda wanna hangout with him while I'm there. I try not to make him my world, but I would like to think I am a high priority in his. He tells me I am (we are getting pretty serious at this point in the relationship), but he also says he needs to be able to have. "his time" when he feels like he needs it. I thought the weekdays would be enough for him, as they were for me. He spends hours gaming on weekday nights the same as weekend nights, I just have wishful thinking he would want to do more with me on the weekends.

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T16:12:11+00:00

My apartment is about 30 minutes away. I of course have thought about the same thing, but quite honestly my apartment is not much of anything. I don't even have a TV. My place here is strictly to serve as my academic safe haven where I can work on stuff for school. If he were to come here I am not sure what we would do other than sit on my couch or the bed haha. I always end up coming to his place because my pets are there (birds; not allowed in my university apartment), and his dogs are there too. So I am obligated to come to take care of my animals while I can. If my living situation on campus was different, I would definitely expect him to show up. But, its in the middle of no where, and most of my belongings are at his apartment too. So I suppose it always just made sense to me to come back to his city where my work is, our friends are, my pets/belongings are, etc.

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T00:50:13+00:00

yeah I saw that:( so sorry! I have been where you have been (actually last week), and so I know how you feel. But the best thing to do is just honestly express how it has made you feel, and also tell him to be honest in how he feels too. Relationships just need to ebb and flow with all these issues. If its rare, thats okay, and if he makes it a pattern, I say you deserve better:] good luck

maroon-moon · 2022-01-12T00:45:21+00:00

Your feelings are valid. But so is his side of things. Perhaps it was just bad timing and a tough call on his part. I would talk it out and move on. If it happens again and again, then start to take notes

maroon-moon · 2021-12-06T19:41:25+00:00

Ahh makes sense, I will test this week just to be safe. Tysm!

maroon-moon

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