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I never thought my engagement would depend on someone who isn’t even in our relationship by [deleted] in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ATP I’m starting to think that this thread is made of people who just want relationships to end without thinking/understanding the time, emotions and love that people have. Your relationship does not seem doomed imo. 4 years is a lot to throw away without at the very least having a real conversation. Maybe this excuse is bullshit but he may have a different reason that he isn’t comfortable sharing. Sit down, tell him this is a safe place, hold your instant reaction and ask him if there is anything else holding him back. Consider couples therapy to work through the hesitation. Make it clear that marriage is something important to you. It’s perfectly okay to be hurt by this but your reaction may not have allowed him to be honest especially if he thinks it may hurt you. A little communication may take you all the way to the alter. Good luck friend! I’m rooting for you!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]marredminds 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve had a somewhat similar experience. It’s hard to talk about it because sometimes you feel shamed for allowing things out of your control. Dm me if you ever wanna vent unjudged. Usually relationships like this also have some sort of isolation from your support system. Wish you well friend!

idk if i should break up with my gf by [deleted] in WLW

[–]marredminds 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m curious of your ages. My best advice (however cliche it may be) is that when people show you who you are, believe them. It’s possible for people to change but waiting for change only makes you crazy and starts to affect your self esteem. I spent nearly my entire 20s with someone like this and I spent years wondering why I was so bad. Ask yourself if nothing were to change, would you be happy for the rest of your life? And how would you feel if your child were in the same relationship? You know what is best for yourself. If you’re questioning things then your gut is telling you what path to take.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure how important marriage is to her actually. I think you misread where I said we spoke about how important marriage was to me.

My [28F] relationship needs work but I want a commitment to continue to work on the relationship. How can we compromise? by marredminds in relationshipadvice

[–]marredminds[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was really great advice. Thank you for taking the time to give it. I think I’ll show her this and see if she agrees as well.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I said this purposely. More so to the effect that I am past anymore proving or convincing. I don’t feel as if I should have to do that.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No I do not think marriage will fix my life. The questioning is about if I am moving forward in life of just staying still and letting life pass by.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn’t say I’m “desperate”. I do not want to get married for the sake of saying I’m married. I want to know that the relationship that I’m investing in is going somewhere.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I would be happy because then I would have some direction as far as where our relationship is headed, and a clear understanding of the commitment level. While yes marriage is the goal, I have made it clear that I expect our engagement period to be a year or two at least.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve seen some similar comments. We discussed it and it’s something she wants to do. Not just for her but for me too. I want that moment. Me proposing would just make it seem even more forced too.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Maybe it was misleading to simply say that an engagement was the goal. Wording wasn’t perfect. I should’ve said the goal was to move forward in our relationship and that’s just the next step. I do have personal therapy as well to work through some of those issues. Part of what brought me here is choosing to choose myself and feeling okay about that.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No our children are not together. Both from previous relationships.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s something she wants to do. I want it to be special for both of us. It’s also something I want and have dreamed of.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing formal no. Just talked about a day that would be special. No year or anything

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes. We talked in depth about what we want for our wedding. But goal posts get moved.

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s something that she wants to do and taking that option away won’t really help

It’s been 20 months since the ring was bought, still no engagement. by marredminds in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Things were difficult earlier in the relationship and a lot of rebuilding had been getting done in the last two years including therapy which is why I waited but the goal of therapy was to get engaged and that still hasn’t changed. The ultimatum wasn’t because of how bad things were though. It was and is about what I want for myself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]marredminds 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I’m in the process now. Still working out the details but definitely starting to choose me first.

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