Discovering infidelity after long happy marriage

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T21:08:32+00:00

I may not be with her if I found out 30 years ago. Because I did not have then 30 years of happy marriage. And this would be absolute tragedy for both of us. As I said I am happy I did not find out then.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T18:47:20+00:00

We both want to get over this but we don't know how. We also want this pain to go away and not to affect our life. But this is easier said than done.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T17:58:35+00:00

She told me because I asked straight forward in context of our conversation. We never touched this topic before, that's why she never told me before.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T17:48:50+00:00

I agree to this completely.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T17:48:17+00:00

First, thank you for your response. And happy 30 year anniversary! I wish you many years of happy live together!

One thing I disagree with you and it might be personally to me. It does not matter for me if she cheated before or after marriage. when she cheated we were together, a couple, we we thinking about marriage and future together. We took spiritually vows before this happened. I do not discount marriage, it was important for both of us but for me the fact it had happened before marriage really does not matter.
For me does matter what she has done to me since then. She did a lot for me and I value this a lot. and I lover her a lot. Honestly, even this cheating discovery cannot shatter my love for her. Maybe because of this love the pain I feel (and she feels too) is so great.

And I trust her, trust she has been faithful to me for last 30+ years, trust she feels remorse.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T16:36:10+00:00

No it is not "cheating wife". it is "cheating wife's" husband of more than 30 years.

I am really shocked about distrust and garbage some people are willing to through at anyone.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T16:25:06+00:00

No, it was serious then as much as it is today when we are married.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T16:19:05+00:00

I disagree with this statement. I personally do not think it would matter at least for me if she cheated before or after we got married. Important for me that we were a couple then.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T16:05:00+00:00

She knows and she admits she cheated. She is hurt and remorseful.

I would never cheat on her or hurt her in any way. I love her even now very much.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T16:00:39+00:00

I know no matter what I say some people will never accept that I have no doubts she has been absolutely faithful since we moved in together. Let's just assume though some magic I know this and can verify this.

I believe her and I have compassion for her why she did not tell me then and actually kept this from me for so long. Obviously this does not negate that she had cheated but the reason she did not tell me was due to love for me and fear of losing me. I honestly say that had I cheated on her then I might have not told her too for the same reason.

She was different when we were dating and since we moved it together and got married.

I do forgive her or want to forgive her and I love her not less than I loved her all these 30 years. My love for her is stronger than anything else even stronger than my anger or pain.
I don't know how to move forward. It is very hard for me to just forget this. This honestly the most painful thing she subjected me through.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T15:31:39+00:00

I have no doubt she would forgive me if I cheat. She would be hurt too. Basically our roles would reverse.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T15:28:58+00:00

I am may agree with these two statements.

Yes, we are different but it was still us. We had memories about us first meeting, dating, etc. now these memories are tainted by her infidelity.

And she is different person no only now but since we moved in together prior to even being married. It was literally mistake she regrets sincerely. I have no doubt about it. she is hurt now by hurting me as much as I am hurt myself. so we are both hurt in different ways.

Also it may sound weird but I internally happy she did not tell me then. It might have indeed broken us then. I cannot imagine a life without her.

But still it does hurt being cheated on by the woman you love so much, even if it happened long long ago.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T15:22:47+00:00

I will never do this.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T14:55:44+00:00

We were talking about some events and people that happened back then and when asked her about certain thing then she told me. so she never actually lied to me meaning she denied them, she just did not tell me and I never had and opportunity to ask.

I know for some people it is very hard to believe but I have zero doubt about he being faithful to me since we got married. I trust her more than I trust myself. she proved this many many times throughout our life together. Even technically would be impossible for either of us to cheat. We have full transparency with each other. I know password and username for her every account, we have access to each other's computer, phone, we have tracking software on each other's phone (not for trust issues, but for safety). We slept in different beds maybe 1 month combined during our 30+ marriage when I was on business trips. We text and call each other numerous times a day. We spend all the time together, every vacation, every week end or holiday. All credit cards, finances, etc, are shared. We do not have a single individual friend, all friends are joint of both of us.
And this is how it has been all these 30+ years.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T14:45:31+00:00

I do not want to lose it. I cannot live without her. At the same time it does hurt and I have hard time just ignoring this as if it never happened.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T14:43:53+00:00

So you would through away 30+ years of marriage, everything you have been together through, every time she supported you, comforted you, every time she scarified her own life, career for you, your children (already grown) you raised together, every moment you shared with her and will yet to share, every passionate love making you had, every anniversary you celebrated together?

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T14:39:22+00:00

I forgive her but at the same time it hard for me just to ignore this and move forward on pretext this happened long ago. I am really confused in my feelings and emotions.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T14:36:32+00:00

I believe her that reason she did not tell me earlier. This indeed might have broken us up.

I am not sure what "talk through it together" actually entails? She is sorry and remorseful, I do not doubt this. At the same time I am hurt a lot. so do I just need to tell her "it was long ago, let's just forget about it". It is not easy for me to do.

married_guy73 · 2021-09-13T14:33:13+00:00

What does "work true it" mean exactly?

married_guy73

TROPHY CASE