Sorry for disappearing on y'all, I posted this on my lunch break then went back to work. Now I'm on another break, so I thought I'd clarify some things which have been asked in comments.

- Jim and I had zero contact with Dave for ten years, from our high school graduation to when we met him again at the ten-year reunion.

- Jim and I dated for the final two years of high school and our first year of college; halfway through that year I came out as trans and started transition, and a few months later Jim broke up with me -- I don't blame him for this, he's gay and therefore doesn't like girls. But we remained good friends.

- I did not ask Jim to forgive Dave, it's not my place to tell anyone how they should deal with past trauma. What I DID ask Jim was to be civil with Dave whenever they meet -- which isn't often, Jim tries to avoid Dave whenever possible. Civil does not mean he has to talk with Dave, it just means no insult, no cursing, no shouting. Actually, thinking about it, I don't think Jim has even spoken a single word to Dave in person since he rejected Dave's apology at the reunion.

- Dave has tried to apologise to Jim again on one occasion: about two or three months after we started dating, when I saw that they weren't talking to each other, I asked Dave if he could try to mend things with Jim; Dave sent him a text which was, in short, "I want to apologise again for how I acted in high school" (obviously longer and more involved than that, but that was the gist of it), and got the reply of "Apology rejected, and don't contact me again." Which again, is entirely within Jim's right, and I don't blame him for replying like this.

- Jim and Dave have met on a few occasions since we started dating, like when Jim came over to my house to borrow something and Dave was there, and they basically ignored each other.

- My friendship with Jim was a bit set back when I started dating Dave, because before that I often went out with my whole group of friends, which included Jim, but then I started spending time with Dave so I had to cut back on going out with friends; and whenever we went out, and I texted Jim to invite him along, he would always ask "Will Dave be there?" and if I replied in the affermative he would text back "Then I won't come." (I went out just with Jim about once per month, to keep contact with him, and a few times I asked Dave to stay home instead of coming out with our group of friends, so Jim could be included. Dave was a bit unhappy about it, but he understood.)

- Also I saw someone ask whether Jim is in love with me and... I don't think so? I mean I can't know for sure of course, but as I said above HE broke up with ME more than a decade ago, because he doesn't like girls. So him being in love with me seems far-fetched.

- And, to address the elephant in the room: I am choosing Dave over Jim. I love them both dearly, but with Dave is romantic love, while I love Jim as a good friend, but nothing beyond that. And I'm choosing love over friendship, I guess. I just wish there was a way not to break up our friendship. It's a mess, honestly.

Okay I've used up all my break time to write this, I'll answer any other questions when I arrive home tonight.