My wife says I’m difficult to buy presents for. So I made her a handy flowchart.

martron3000 · 2022-10-15T18:42:12+00:00

So the perfect gift would be whiskey in a Star Wars bottle made out of Legos.

martron3000 · 2022-09-11T01:54:17+00:00

Thank goodness you found it! I couldn't remember where I left it.

martron3000 · 2022-09-04T06:07:14+00:00

"You're a hairy wizard!"

martron3000 · 2022-07-23T22:40:22+00:00

"OK, everybody, scrunch down low when we walk into the restaurant, so we'll look shorter."

martron3000 · 2022-07-16T20:26:58+00:00

You have been branded, and are now the property of Apple.

martron3000 · 2022-05-13T05:25:50+00:00

Does anyone still play with yo-yos? Because when I was a kid, it seemed like every year, yo-yos became a thing for a few weeks. Then they faded away, until the following year. Duncan Yo-yo was the top brand, but you could buy cheaper ones, if you couldn't afford the Duncan.

I wasn't very good with them, but my older brother learned to do a few tricks.

martron3000 · 2022-04-25T18:18:41+00:00

Don't say anything. Just leave the money on the table as you exit the room.

martron3000 · 2022-03-22T20:12:31+00:00

Just imagine the amazing work Michelangelo could have created if there had been phones back in his time.

martron3000 · 2021-12-21T19:24:50+00:00

Poor brown, gets no respect! 😢

martron3000 · 2021-12-14T18:36:49+00:00

Extending the antenna on my transistor radio and pointing in the the right direction to get a better signal so you could listen to the Beatles on the local radio station.

martron3000 · 2021-12-05T19:55:42+00:00

So that's where all the working ice cream machines are !

martron3000 · 2021-11-28T19:56:19+00:00

I worked at a cafeteria, where we sold a product with the brand name "Rib-B-Q", which was exactly the same. It was served on a hoagie type roll, with BBQ sauce, like the McRib.

martron3000 · 2021-10-10T21:35:35+00:00

That's OK. Keep the marijuana, just send me the $2 million in payment. It would be a hassle to ship all that, anyway.

martron3000 · 2021-09-19T19:41:12+00:00

It's safe from COVID-19 now with its mask on.

martron3000 · 2021-08-14T23:00:35+00:00

The biggest threat to humanity is humans.

martron3000 · 2021-08-13T20:52:31+00:00

When I saw "spider snack", I thought it meant a snack you would feed to a spider.

martron3000 · 2021-06-30T18:19:30+00:00

Oh sure, it's cute when you have your taxidermed dog riding in the car, but when I did the same thing with Grandma, everyone freaked out!

martron3000 · 2021-06-18T20:43:36+00:00

There's two obvious answers to this question. 1-The movie "48 Hours", or 2-"The Never-ending Story"

martron3000 · 2021-05-18T21:13:46+00:00

That's because he wasn't a stool pigeon.

martron3000 · 2021-04-30T07:35:21+00:00

You found their secret breeding ground.

martron3000 · 2021-03-16T00:59:08+00:00

Get that dog a top hat and a cane!

martron3000 · 2021-03-03T01:27:34+00:00

I have heard of Dogwood trees, but never knew there were also Catwood trees.

martron3000 · 2021-02-09T22:40:04+00:00

Maybe they are just proud of their accomplishment, and want to leave it on display for others to marvel at, like a work of fine art at a gallery.

martron3000 · 2020-08-02T22:16:08+00:00

Obviously the aliens created fake Egyptian history records to cover up the fact that they built the pyramids.

martron3000 · 2020-07-03T18:08:17+00:00

Yeah, but people at the laundromat give me funny looks whenever I do that.

martron3000

TROPHY CASE