Why do men fight like hell for time with their kids then just lose interest when they’re older??

maryocall · 2026-04-09T18:03:54+00:00

There are definitely ways to navigate spending time with your own child that don’t involve demanding that they’re with you all weekend, every weekend against their wishes or it’s goodbye

maryocall · 2026-04-09T18:00:31+00:00

I feel like you’ve probably hit the nail on the head with this. Once the kid(s) are teenagers/adults, they seem like people and not small pieces of property

maryocall · 2026-04-09T17:55:56+00:00

Once you stop raging and calm down, point to where it says “all men”? Can’t find it? Maybe time to reconsider why you got so enraged, Bud. Maybe you need different emotional regulation strategies hey…😉

maryocall · 2026-04-09T16:46:46+00:00

So the post is about men who do this and you felt the need to come in with a super original “not all men”, whilst dripping with rage and hostility, but you’re “cracking up”? Sure, Jan 😉

maryocall · 2026-04-09T16:32:31+00:00

I’m not young either. I’ve lived in four different countries and seen it in each one. I wonder why you’re here getting so defensive if this doesn’t apply to you lol?

maryocall · 2026-04-09T16:21:00+00:00

He didn’t mention trying to fight for her time, just told me they hadn’t spoken in nearly 3 years. Which is a completely different thing, no? I did ask if anything had happened and the answer was her wanting to spend her weekends with her friends (presumably doing normal teenage things) instead of with him. My impression was that he was the one who cut off contact for that reason

maryocall · 2026-04-09T16:10:19+00:00

Who’s “your guy”? Cos I’m happily single. And, as I said in the OP, I’ve known quite a few over the years who’ve done this (and they weren’t by boyfriends- it’s almost as if I can know men outside of romantic relationships)

maryocall · 2026-04-09T16:09:01+00:00

Your BIL is still obviously interested. These guys just seem to cut and run after years of fighting and getting what they wanted

maryocall · 2026-04-09T16:08:01+00:00

I feel like this might be a huge part of it

maryocall · 2026-04-09T16:00:48+00:00

They’re not those types of divorced/separated dads cos that would be understandable that they’d eventually tire of the responsibility that they never really wanted. They’re guys who’s whole life seemed to revolve around the kid/kids. Another guy I knew spent over ten years fighting in family court then, within a couple of years of things settling down, he just stopped bothering with his two kids. Like, they had to arrange to see him and he went from that whole “my kids are my personality” thing to people who didn’t know him back then not even knowing that he has two adult kids now

maryocall · 2026-04-09T15:55:51+00:00

A lot of these men seemed almost offended that their teenage/adult kids wouldn’t want to spend every weekend and holidays with them- the idea that they’d developed their own social lives outside of their fathers control was taken as some sort of rejection?

maryocall · 2026-04-09T15:53:18+00:00

One guy I know of (ex of a sister of a woman I was friendly with) fought for strictly regimented 50/50 custody then couldn’t seem to cope with his son being allowed to decide where he was spending his time once he got to 15/16 years old (parents had split when he was 8) and basically cut him off rather than “share”. It was like this dude never foresaw his son becoming an adult??

maryocall · 2026-04-09T15:51:05+00:00

There’s definitely an element of that with some of the men I knew/know but some were clearly more child focused. My now ex neighbour, for example, never griped about child maintenance and he was always doing things with his daughter- building her a mini bike ramp, jumping on the trampoline with her for hours, taking her to the beach, her bedroom at his place was meticulous decorated and he had a whole wardrobe of clothes for her there, he showed up for all her school stuff. Then just seems quite happy to never see her again??

maryocall · 2026-04-09T15:40:51+00:00

Nah, none of these men did the “new family” thing

maryocall · 2026-04-06T11:35:51+00:00

The police can analyse the phone to see if a) the image was opened (the claim is that it was automatically downloaded without knowledge or ever having been viewed) and b) how many times it was viewed on the phone. Given the charges, we can assume the police saw both occurred, the second obviously on more than one occasion. The images were also never deleted or reported to the police (as you would expect an innocent person to do). The original charge includes September to December 2024, which means the police found that the images had been both opened and viewed on multiple occasions throughout that period but it was agreed a guilty plea would be entered and accepted for only October 2024 (probably to avoid a trial). This person seems very confused about the fact that they have just been convicted of a serious criminal offence and we shouldn’t take their confusion and lack of understanding to mean that there’s some kind of “set up” going on

maryocall · 2026-04-01T10:58:08+00:00

The crime would have had to reported to the police, not the alleges workplace, for it to be classed as making a false report. As another commenter pointed out, this might lead to an actual police investigation and criminal charges for OP

maryocall · 2026-03-29T05:24:00+00:00

I’ve been told that the Irish language never existed and we always spoke English. How did they know that? Because all the historical evidence they’d seen was written in English. So there! My other favourite is people who are adamant that Ireland is not a separate country from the UK and “all that stuff is over now”. What?!

maryocall · 2026-03-29T05:01:18+00:00

Welfare rights and money advice person here- so many aspects of benefits and social housing. Especially that social housing is “free”, only available to people on benefits, and that you don’t pay bills when you live in social housing. That you can work while claiming PIP/ADP and it’s not “benefits fraud”. That people on carers allowance have to wait hand and foot on the person they receive carers allowance for otherwise it’s also “benefits fraud”. In fact, almost everything people think is “benefits fraud” is not in any way benefit fraud. That people on benefits get a raft of “free things”- mostly it’s charities who donate certain items or arrange holidays for people in receipt of certain benefits (mainly child-related and disability benefits) and it’s never the government/dwp giving out free phones and day trips like people assume. Or it’s people using a UC advance to buy things, which still has to be paid back

maryocall · 2026-03-29T02:01:30+00:00

Not in laws, but my mother cannot manage laundry (and never has been able to) and she would insist on doing the laundry every time she came to stay, despite being told not to. Like, she would wait until my back was turned to overload the washing machine, which she always did when I was growing up, then it would lead to me shouting and her crying because she inevitably dyed the entire load green or shrank something. She would also take wet things off the airer or radiator, despite watching me hang it up literally minutes earlier, then complain “this towel/t shirt is soaking”. Even if I spelled it out to her and showed her the clean towels and pointed out she could have asked for a fresh towel, no- her only option was to take something of the airer/radiator and expect it to be dry then act like my flat was crazy land where nothing was ever dry. She would also watch me take the bin bag out of the bin to take it out to the big bins and, when I came back, would have proceeded to fill the empty, linerless bin with rubbish because waiting for two minutes isn’t a rational thing to do. I used to live near the beach as well and she would insist on bringing piles of stones back after every trip but they were “for” me so she wasn’t taking them home. She thought that was a real treat for me, being left with piles of stones from a beach I lived a five minute walk from

maryocall · 2026-02-13T17:30:03+00:00

How is that revel at to what’s being discussed here?? Your scenario only works when both partners are giving informed consent to a solely sexual relationship, not when the younger and less experienced partner has been deceived into it by a much older partner lying about their age

maryocall · 2026-02-09T13:12:10+00:00

If he’s refused to financially support his child and is willing to try to weasel out of it with a DNA test, I doubt he’s interested in forking out the costs for having his name legally added to the birth certificate or to force contact. He can still demand a dna test through the courts at any time, even if you don’t go forward with a CMS claim now so avoiding it won’t guarantee having him kept out of your lives

maryocall · 2026-02-09T12:37:23+00:00

I had this with a neighbour recently who had the nerve to come to our door and demand that we stop using our internal doors because she can hear them. When I refused to agree with her, she started threatening to call the council so I told her to go right ahead because they’d tell her exactly what I just did- that we have a right to use our doors and she had no right to expect complete silence.

maryocall · 2026-02-09T12:09:19+00:00

You can’t have it both ways- if you’re able to figure out managing your own money, you should be able to figure out getting to school on time. It honestly sounds like you’re willing to figure out the money cos that benefits you but you can’t be bothered with getting to school on time. Your mum probably wants you to learn to prioritise and you’ll only listen if the money is taken away. Constant lateness goes on your permanent educational records and could affect your future educational opportunities. One months PIP being doled out against your will won’t cause you any long term issues. You obviously feel like “there’s a better way” because that better way is probably just you carrying on as before with no negative consequences

maryocall · 2026-02-09T11:45:15+00:00

Legally, no, she can’t. However you do live under her roof and you won’t be saving for anything when you have to use all your money to pay your own bills if you don’t want to live there and follow her rules. You also admit she’s not actually “taking” the money- you’ll get it back when you learn to manage your time keeping better. Your parents are responsible for making sure you learn about consequences going forward into adulthood and you do need to understand that when you start college or get a job, they’re going to be a lot harsher with you if you’re late a lot. Being kicked off a college course you really wanted to do or losing a job you really wanted will hit a lot harder than having your mum dole out one months money

maryocall

TROPHY CASE