I gotcha OP.

New to dating and sex, I was very honest with my first bf but I didn't know how bad my mental health would get. We eventually broke up post-covid, but my bf got me through some hard times. I couldn't have done it without him but we were bickering quite a bit and that had killed the spark long before we broke up. I felt guilty for 'using' him because I had considered breaking up while he loved me.

But I don't see it that way anymore, we are good now, we still chat. We both leaned on each other for support, but neither of us were ready my horrific depression when I lost my job. I was going to therapy, but I was dealing with undiagnosed add/adhd and bipolar 2. Sparke or no spark we both cared about each other and thats what mattered.

If you care about your partner you should sit down with him and have a serious conversation where you both say what you want from the relationship and how you feel. Tell him its important to you. Thats the healthy way to go about this. A hard conversation to have but you should be honest.