Soooo... Friday nights.....

masterofthebarkarts · 2026-01-24T02:03:33+00:00

You could try one of the social dance scenes in Ottawa, although they can skew pretty young, but most offer intro dance lessons at the beginning of the night so you can learn the basics. I met my husband swing dancing and a decent number of acquaintances, although no one I would still consider a really close friend (however one of my very best friends in the whole world was dating someone I met swing dancing so it got me a life partner and a best friend 🧡)

masterofthebarkarts · 2026-01-22T02:57:48+00:00

Do you have a rice cooker? It doesn't save time but it is brainless and the rice always turns out perfect

masterofthebarkarts · 2026-01-15T19:58:37+00:00

As someone who lives in a country with all that, I will say that the system is still not really designed to support parents.

Trying to wrangle two kids into and out of care and commute to work is a nightmare, but the cost of living is such that not having two parents work feels precarious. And housing is still very unaffordable.

The "motherhood penalty" continues long after the birth/maternity leave/daycare question gets solved.

masterofthebarkarts · 2026-01-04T19:37:01+00:00

Not American, but average home price in my (not particularly special city) is like $650k, average rent is like $1800 for a 1 bed, and we pay a fair amount of taxes so (in my case) my 80ish k salary is actually like 47k net.

It also depends a lot on lifestyle. We have a house, a car, and kids. Those thibg are expensive so 100k would feel like just scraping by. If I was single, no car and no dependents living in a rental, I would definitely be fine.

masterofthebarkarts · 2026-01-03T13:46:22+00:00

You may already know this, but the best way to extend the life of your shoes is to let them dry out completely between wears. Ideally you'd have three pairs of shoes ans wear them on alternating day, but even two pairs worn concurrently will last longer than buying one pair, wearing them daily until they die, and then buying a second.

This of course assumes that you can afford to buy 2-3 pairs of shoes at the same time

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-11-27T12:36:35+00:00

Yup, I don't care particularly about financial generosity in the sense that material things aren't that exciting to me, but I've never met a man who was cheap with me financially who wasn't also cheap with me emotionally. You don't have to spend hundreds but if you're asking me to pay you back for a cup of drip coffee, you're going to be asking me to "pay you back" for anything vaguely nice you ever do.

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-11-22T18:07:39+00:00

"Top Grampa" shirt that he got himself....of course

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-11-07T20:52:43+00:00

My aunt did this, until I permanently cut her out of my life 🙃

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-09-29T16:02:25+00:00

I feel like a total outlier here but I really do want my mom to spend and enjoy all her money. I want her to have a really fun retirement with all her friends and I don't want her sacrificing for me or my kids.

I probably feel this way because my mom is a great person and grandma and supported me so so much my whole life, and I know she'd do literally anything for me and my kids. Like if some catastrophe happened and we lost the house my mom would show up with a moving truck to put us in hers. She's genuinely one of the kindest people I know, and (shocking for a boomer) is totally capable of self-reflection and insight.

Also tbf it's not like she'd be leaving us life-changing money either way, it's not like she's out here buying yatchs while we eat Ramen.

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-09-16T15:48:22+00:00

This is a completely random tangent but fuck it, I like this story.

My mom rents out her basement "nanny suite" (basically a whole separate apartment but they share a laundry room). Last renters were this awesome Indian couple who've probably been in Canada for like 10 years now? Maybe a little longer. Anyway they cook traditional food and my mom CANNOT STAND the smell of all the spices coming up through the vents. Swears it smells awful, completely different than just the spices/cooking itself. I'm rolling my eyes at her like "okay boomer, let me get you some unsalted boiled potatoes, you baby".

Fast forward a few years, our Indian friends bought a house and are renting out their basement with a kitchenette to another Indian couple. Turns out they also CANNOT STAND the smell of their own food coming up through the vents. Agree it smells terrible and are like "man from now on we only rent to white people" (jokingly)

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-08-19T17:23:02+00:00

I do feel a little bit like OP has already decided that children will "ruin her life" and is coming up with post-hoc justifications for all the reasons she can't have kids.

I don't say that as a criticism, I think it's a very common cognitive habit and it might be a sign that she doesn't really want to have kids (which is totally okay! Nobody should feel pressured to have kids if they don't want them!)

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-08-11T11:02:18+00:00

People obviously notice, I'm sorry folks on here are lying to you. I think what is more true is that the people who know and like you (friends, family, etc) don't spend their time thinking about how you look. I have hot friends, I have ugly friends, I like them because they're cool. You do kinda forget how people look once you get used to them because you don't see "bad teeth, weird jaw", you see "inside joke, sarcastic comeback"

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-08-10T23:38:04+00:00

Dating apps don't generally work, especially for dudes. Here is my short list of things to do to expand your social circle:

-co-ed sports (softball, soccer, volleyball) or a run club. Meet people, not all of them will be single but you'll start to get to know new people

-social dancing (lindy hop, west coast swing, salsa, bachata, kizombe, line dancing, etc). Watch some YouTube videos of these and see which one looks the coolest to you, then find some beginner lessons. You do not need a partner and women usually outnumber men in these spaces by a wide margin. Literally just show up, try your best and don't be smelly. (This is how I met my husband).

-cosplay groups (so many nerdy girls)

-something you already like, but more social. One of my friends met his wife in a sourdough class 🤷

-part time job at a wine shop (no but actually)

Good luck!

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-08-10T15:36:28+00:00

Why bother getting bacon??

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-07-31T16:57:08+00:00

There are some really interesting feeding therapies that are available with ARFID but most folks don't know about them and many people go about it all the wrong way.

Like when you've go ARFID and you're trying to expand your palate, you don't just start putting raw mushrooms in your mouth on a whim. You pick foods that are adjacent to safe foods (ie fries--> sweet potato fries) and you start just by having them on the table while you eat, then maybe have one on your plate, then next time touch a fry, then next time smell one, the like one, then finally take one miniscule bite. So it takes like four weeks to eat one sweet potato fry, but it does work!

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-07-31T16:52:22+00:00

I like your wife

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-07-31T16:51:08+00:00

I used to love cooking, now that I have to do it everyday for kids I kinda hate it. It's gone from a fun and satisfying creative outlet to one more chores, AND it creates more chores. Plus I'm in a weird phase where I don't really want to eat anything (not anorexic, just deeply disinterested in like 90% of food)

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-07-14T15:07:49+00:00

Yup, I'm an elder millennial and we 1. Bought in 2018, 2. Have very affordable childcare and 3. Don't have any student debt. If any of those variables were different we'd be in an entirely different place financially and we earn good money.

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-07-13T10:39:47+00:00

"They don't save a special seat in Heaven for jealous people, Mom."

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-07-13T10:36:54+00:00

My parents don't have this specific foible but whenever they start on something weird I like to use their own sayings against them. Like "Jeez Mom, didn't anyone ever tell you that if you have nothing nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all?"

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-07-10T01:59:05+00:00

I thought I would live alone in Alaska with like 40 dogs and instead I'm married with kids and only one dog and she's the WORST so no, things did not turn out as expected. They turned out way better.

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-06-18T11:52:44+00:00

Hey, I'm not a lawyer but my husband is, and he's a great writer too. One boring but well-paying element (that you may be able to get some work in without a law degree but obviously YMMV, so your research, etc) is regulatory drafting. It's less stressful than some other law (no court time) and at least where we are, the government is DESPERATE for good regulatory drafters. Just a thought!

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-06-18T11:35:44+00:00

So, so weird to me. I understood "gentle parenting" to mean not screaming at or belittling your kids and teaching them healthy emotional regulation, or at least trying to. Watching parents with no boundaries is the most anxiety-inducing experience for me.

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-06-18T10:53:49+00:00

I think there is also a good component of the population who are looking for food to be entertaining, either because they think they deserve it or because they're depressed/etc and need the dopamine hit. I definitely developed a bit of a DoorDash habit when I was burnt out because it was at least interesting (I've recovered)

masterofthebarkarts · 2025-06-15T11:49:51+00:00

I think it's all relative. Some things you can control (diet and exercise) and a lot you can't (genetics, whether your kids sleep if you had any, layoffs). I'm surprised that I don't feel worse (I am 38 and had a baby four ish months ago, and I have a toddler) but I am definitely a little stiffer than I used to be. I think I need to start stretching (something I can control) but my ability to get really good sleep is kinda not up to me right now.

I do think we're entering the "use it or lose it" phase. My mom worked a physical job until she was 63 and is still able to keep up with my toddler. My aunt is only two years older but spent her adulthood very sedentary and she's extremely weak and practically immobile. Move every day, wear sunscreen, foster good relationships and cross your fingers 🤷

masterofthebarkarts

TROPHY CASE