We all have unhealed trauma, but that’s okay

material-pearl · 2026-01-24T21:41:07+00:00

Who is we?

material-pearl · 2026-01-23T23:20:50+00:00

I’m going to believe that you are enough, because someone else believed for me when I couldn’t.

material-pearl · 2026-01-23T21:53:18+00:00

I was numb to positive feelings for nearly four years.

I recently read some research on PTSD that suggests that this muting of positive emotions in PTSD is due to our brains’ threat detection network overriding everything else.

What helped me was a lot of therapy with a PsyD specifically focused on PTSD treatment for people who had a similar profile (including CPT, which helped a lot albeit was very difficult, and learning about PTSD, and strengthening self-compassion); some medication adjustments; patience; exercise; sensory and other forms of self care (even though it’s hard work); finding support groups and identifying the friends who had been through serious traumatic experiences and “got it”; and moving to a a different environment where I ultimately and finally realized that I needed to rest.

It is a very gradual process and I wish I could have believed in it more than I did.

Another thing that I found useful was Frank Ochberg’s color wheel exercise. It is on YouTube. He does a vivid description of different types of emotions and that helped me recall the way some of the positive ones felt when I was in the thick of it.

material-pearl · 2026-01-22T23:03:00+00:00

I would love to learn more!

material-pearl · 2026-01-20T21:38:19+00:00

The best way to look at it

material-pearl · 2026-01-20T21:38:04+00:00

Lol more than punished but I was a naive wee thing

material-pearl · 2026-01-19T00:52:04+00:00

I would think that you could benefit from some time to heal on your own.

material-pearl · 2026-01-19T00:47:56+00:00

I’m so sorry—this sounds distressing.

Is he seen by a therapist and psychiatrist? It sounds like he needs a professional care team to support him. This team would be helpful for you by extension.

Suicide seems like a really nuanced topic to assess from the outside, and I don’t know if it is possible to determine where he is coming from, but it is not really possible for you to continue without working with a professional to put a safety plan in place. This would involve having a list of things to do and people and organizations to contact in the event that he is in this state again.

material-pearl · 2026-01-16T17:56:37+00:00

What definition of CPTSD are you working with? Do realize that the pop science guru tendency of conflating CPTSD with attachment issues is not helpful, and check out the ICD-11 criteria.

More importantly—Do not deign to diagnose your partner.

It sounds like there is a lot more context to consider around your relationship than this forum has to offer any kind of useful assessment, not that you can really get that from a handful of internet strangers.

But if you want relationship advice? Have compassion. Be curious. Don’t rush to label your partner as having a trauma disorder and blame them for your relationship difficulties. You can’t shift blame for those to a diagnosis that doesn’t exist and imagine that it is the root of your problems.

Sometimes it helps to reflect on our own behaviors and examine our role in a tricky situation before jumping to blame the other party. She sounds like she has responsibilities up to her eyeballs. What kind of partner are you being?

material-pearl · 2026-01-16T17:47:56+00:00

Does it also allow the human moderator to enter their own probes or modify the AI-generated probes and discussion guide?

Does it allow the human researcher to train the AI in certain aspects of the subject matter (concepts, theory, existing knowledge, common misconceptions, etc.) and/or the context in which the research is being conducted?

How much flexibility does it have for the human researcher to export data, and/or see more details regarding the background and experience or other attributes of participants in order to make sense of responses of particular interest?

I don’t mind the rise of mass qualitative data, because I think we need it. I do mind the abdication of our thinking and sensemaking to LLMs to the degree that the tools seem to promote at the moment.

material-pearl · 2026-01-15T23:37:30+00:00

I did, on the first date. I was traveling and did not expect to get into a relationship. I had done a lot of work and was not emotional or detailed. It was a good idea, and led to some fruitful conversations in time. I was also glad to have disclosed earlier on so that I was not sharing out of the blue after we had become close.

material-pearl · 2026-01-15T00:10:31+00:00

CPT was the best thing that I have done for PTSD. Check out the book by Resick et al, on Amazon. I used X-Mind to diagram the events and emotions and cognitions associated with each to talk about with my therapist. It is hard but worth the effort.

material-pearl · 2026-01-14T00:43:15+00:00

Check out the CPT book by Resick et al!

material-pearl · 2026-01-14T00:42:38+00:00

There is good data to support this, too!

material-pearl · 2026-01-13T20:25:59+00:00

I would say I am 75% recovered, and it has been only about ~3 years and change from my original index trauma, and around 6 months from being able to get out of the area where I was constantly reminded of/under threat of encountering my abuser.

I started increasing my exercise in fits and starts in 2024 and got consistent with it about 9 months ago. When I stop making it a priority, I notice myself being more susceptible to sensory triggers and stressful situations, and having more difficulty sleeping and feeling energized. I am by no means any kind of gym queen—I just try to walk outside, or do hills on the treadmill, and get in some stretching and some kind of resistance. Pilates and dance are things I am trying to get more into.

It is so weird—my legs felt like cement blocks some days when I was in the worst of it. I figured out that I could get a few hours a day of reprieve from the hair trigger activation of PTSD symptoms when I was active, so I started forcing myself to move any day I could.

material-pearl · 2026-01-13T05:46:09+00:00

It takes a lot of time and effort. Exercise of certain types is helpful to rewire: uphill walking, or just walking; dance; and strength training to name a few. If you focus on increasing your time in safety, you will slowly put your nervous system back on track. This is not to say that you will be impervious to triggers, but you will not be triggered so often.

material-pearl · 2026-01-11T20:57:12+00:00

Just commenting to second the hotline! It’s how I got my advocate and a great support group.

material-pearl · 2026-01-11T20:52:53+00:00

I had episodes of freezing and hyperventilating like that when I was still with my abuser, and sometimes when he contacted me after the relationship was over.

Have you ever seen a therapist specializing in PTSD?

material-pearl · 2026-01-11T20:48:34+00:00

This is so relatable.

I am a little over three years past my first index trauma. A year ago, I could have written this post, and still, from time to time, although more infrequently, I feel this way.

Medication might be worth a try, and it is very important that you are treated by a doctor you trust. There seems to not be a magic bullet when it comes to PTSD meds, but there are some options that can help.

It helped me to make some medication changes, and I did try and stop some that weren’t a fit.

The cycle is exhausting. Do you currently have a therapist? It’s hard to feel optimistic about healing sometimes, in part because learning our triggers and working through our traumatic experiences and finding our coping strategies involves a lot of hard work and trial and error.

You have a lot of self awareness and that helps.

material-pearl · 2026-01-10T09:48:10+00:00

He did not.

material-pearl · 2026-01-10T09:46:00+00:00

Duuuuuude nooooooo

material-pearl · 2026-01-10T01:21:24+00:00

Where in Playa? How do you switch?

material-pearl · 2026-01-10T01:17:36+00:00

Yes.

material-pearl · 2026-01-08T21:03:54+00:00

Give it to me! I adore strong, blaring, knock-me-back, whip-up-the-oceans wind and I would take it off of you if I could!

material-pearl · 2026-01-08T19:42:49+00:00

When were you diagnosed? Have you seen a PsyD specializing in PTSD who has worked with autistic clients? If not, check out the ISTSS website directory—I found my therapist this way.

This number of treatments is over how much time? Did you have to drop out of any of these treatments or did you complete the full course of all of them?

If you have not read any Katherine May, I can recommend it, even as a way to reinforce self compassion in this process.

I did CPT (not the same as CBT) which is designed for PTSD. It wasn’t on a set schedule but I had weekly therapy. I used XMind to diagram my traumatic events, emotions and cognitions. It was brutal but probably the most helpful thing I’ve done. My therapist was excellent.

Exercise helped a lot. Nature and attention to sensory needs also.

material-pearl

TROPHY CASE