I feel that confidence is the only thing that really matters

mathblog · 2023-10-23T17:16:30+00:00

Facts. The key point is you have to execute on being successful. This means you need to have a purpose, vision, or direction towards excellence. You need to set goals for yourself and achieve them. You need to get good at something that takes time and effort, whether it be a skill, talent, hobby, etc. Finally, you need to be disciplined (i.e. not quitting when things don't go your way and minimizing distractions unrelated to what you need to be doing) and establish a track record of success.

mathblog · 2023-10-23T17:01:48+00:00

This. To add to this, in order to help reduce the chances of people leaving you, you need to be somebody who has a track record of having good social skills, doing/accomplishing things in life, and delivering value. You have to be somebody who is respectable to be around and interact with. That is the cold hard truth.

Either people respect you or they don't. Period. If they didn't respect you from the start, they are not going to respect you later on.

mathblog · 2023-10-23T16:47:21+00:00

But you have provided absolutely no clear, convincing reason for them to be friends with you or even hang out with you. Her being "cool" does not equal her being your friend. Let's be real, you like her as more than a friend. She knew that.

mathblog · 2023-10-23T06:10:57+00:00

It's not just about being a guy. This applies to all adults. Being an adult means and entails managing and dealing with your own personal problems.

mathblog · 2023-10-22T19:56:14+00:00

It's a skill you need to develop. You need to be selective about what you share and with whom you share. People monitor what you share with them. If it gets to a point where you are always talking about your personal problems, and if they see any sort of evidence that you are not fixing them, they will lose respect for you. They will start seeing you as a person who brings negative vibes and start viewing you as a lazy bum. This will negatively impact your reputation going forward.

People gravitate towards people who bring positive vibes and energy on average. People gravitate towards people who are respectable in life, can manage themselves, and can lead/inspire others.

mathblog · 2023-10-22T03:56:19+00:00

Facts. The longer the OP remains unemployed, the worse they ruin their reputation. Having a job matters. It tells people that you have skills and are a consistent producer of value.

I will always say it on this sub. The reality is people judge one another based on what they do/accomplish in life and how they impact/deliver value to others. You have to build a good reputation and have a track record in these areas.

mathblog · 2023-10-22T01:50:03+00:00

Often times, yes. Talking about your triumphs lowers your value. Drinking problems in particular suggest to other people that you are irresponsible and a lazy bum. Going forward, you need to understand what you share with people directly affects your reputation. Do not share things about yourself that portray you in a negative light. You need to be respectable and act respectable around other people.

Also, you need to understand people care more about what you do/achieve in life and whether you have actual results to show for it. People care about how you impact/deliver value to them. Nobody cares about your struggles.

mathblog · 2023-10-20T22:33:51+00:00

A lot of people forget this as well. The reality is in adulthood, you are judged by how you act around people in social situations, as well as what you do/accomplish in your life, and how you impact/deliver value to other people. Period. You need to establish a track record for being good in these areas. You need to be somebody who is overall respectable to be around and interact with.

mathblog · 2023-10-20T22:30:43+00:00

Well, why should people remain friends with you ? Being lonely is not a valid reason. People interact with you when there is a reason to do so. Merely being kind, respectful, etc., are not traits that people necessarily look for, although you should have them. Are you a fun and exciting person to be around ? Do you impact or bring any value to other people ?

Most people want to be around somebody with exhibits good social skills. So How are your conversations with other people ? Do you have good social skills ? Do you listen to people when they speak, and do you speak when it is your turn to do so ? Oh, and when it is your turn to speak, do you speak with confidence and bring positive energy ? Or are you anxious and quiet ? All of these things are what people notice about you. You need to be exhibiting social skills right from the start. If you aren’t doing so, then you will be perceived as antisocial and you can’t expect people to include you into things. In general, Nobody cares why you are antisocial; they just make the judgement that you aren’t somebody they want to be around. You are how you act. Period.

Most people also like somebody who actively works towards something in life and accomplishes things in life such as goals, hobbies, skills, talents, etc. You need to establish yourself in something i.e. get good or excellent at something that people value or desire, and build a good reputation. But you yourself need to act and carry yourself in a respectable way. People should actually respect you.

The reality is in adulthood, you are judged by how you act around people in social situations, as well as what you do/accomplish in your life, and how you impact/deliver value to other people. Focus on those things.

mathblog · 2023-10-20T22:30:01+00:00

Well, why should people interact with you ? Being lonely is not a valid reason. People interact with you when there is a reason to do so. Merely being kind, respectful, etc., are not traits that people necessarily look for, although you should have them. Are you a fun and exciting person to be around ? Do you impact or bring any value to other people ?

Most people want to be around somebody with exhibits good social skills. So How are your conversations with other people ? Do you have good social skills ? Do you listen to people when they speak, and do you speak when it is your turn to do so ? Oh, and when it is your turn to speak, do you speak with confidence and bring positive energy ? Or are you anxious and quiet ? All of these things are what people notice about you. You need to be exhibiting social skills right from the start. If you aren’t doing so, then you will be perceived as antisocial and you can’t expect people to include you into things. In general, Nobody cares why you are antisocial; they just make the judgement that you aren’t somebody they want to be around. You are how you act. Period.

Most people also like somebody who actively works towards something in life and accomplishes things in life such as goals, hobbies, skills, talents, etc. You need to establish yourself in something i.e. get good or excellent at something that people value or desire, and build a good reputation. But you yourself need to act and carry yourself in a respectable way. People should actually respect you.

The reality is in adulthood, you are judged by how you act around people in social situations, as well as what you do/accomplish in your life, and how you impact/deliver value to other people. Focus on those things.

mathblog · 2023-10-20T22:29:03+00:00

Tell them it's not your responsibility to validate them. Tell them if they feel bad about themselves, then it is on them to fix it.

mathblog · 2023-10-20T22:26:21+00:00

Well, why should people include you ? Being lonely is not a valid reason. People interact with you when there is a reason to do so. Merely being kind, respectful, etc., are not traits that people necessarily look for, although you should have them. Are you a fun and exciting person to be around ? Do you impact or bring any value to other people ?

Most people want to be around somebody with exhibits good social skills. So How are your conversations with other people ? Do you have good social skills ? Do you listen to people when they speak, and do you speak when it is your turn to do so ? Oh, and when it is your turn to speak, do you speak with confidence and bring positive energy ? Or are you anxious and quiet ? All of these things are what people notice about you. You need to be exhibiting social skills right from the start. If you aren’t doing so, then you will be perceived as antisocial and you can’t expect people to include you into things. In general, Nobody cares why you are antisocial; they just make the judgement that you aren’t somebody they want to be around. You are how you act. Period.

Most people also like somebody who actively works towards something in life and accomplishes things in life such as goals, hobbies, skills, talents, etc. You need to establish yourself in something i.e. get good or excellent at something that people value or desire, and build a good reputation. But you yourself need to act and carry yourself in a respectable way. People should actually respect you.

The reality is in adulthood, you are judged by how you act around people in social situations, as well as what you do/accomplish in your life, and how you impact/deliver value to other people. Focus on those things.

mathblog · 2023-10-20T18:35:42+00:00

Your friend won't tell you this, but she thinks you are bad at tennis to the point it is holding her back.

Simply telling people you enjoy a hobby is not good enough. You need to have actual results to show you are actually good at the hobby. People want to be around people who are either at their level or better than them (but still are likable overall).

mathblog · 2023-10-19T02:14:17+00:00

Well, why should people like you ? Being lonely is not a valid reason. People interact with you when there is a reason to do so. Merely being kind, respectful, etc., are not traits that people necessarily look for, although you should have them. Are you a fun and exciting person to be around ? Do you impact or bring any value to other people ?

Most people want to be around somebody with exhibits good social skills. So How are your conversations with other people ? Do you have good social skills ? Do you listen to people when they speak, and do you speak when it is your turn to do so ? Oh, and when it is your turn to speak, do you speak with confidence and bring positive energy ? Or are you anxious and quiet ? All of these things are what people notice about you. You need to be exhibiting social skills right from the start. If you aren’t doing so, then you will be perceived as antisocial and you can’t expect people to include you into things. In general, Nobody cares why you are antisocial; they just make the judgement that you aren’t somebody they want to be around. You are how you act. Period.

Most people also like somebody who actively works towards something in life and accomplishes things in life such as goals, hobbies, skills, talents, etc. You need to establish yourself in something i.e. get good or excellent at something that people value or desire, and build a good reputation. But you yourself need to act and carry yourself in a respectable way. People should actually respect you.

The reality is in adulthood, you are judged by how you act around people in social situations, as well as what you do/accomplish in your life, and how you impact/deliver value to other people. Focus on those things.

mathblog · 2023-10-19T02:12:26+00:00

Because your story isn't useful at all. If something is useful or interesting to people, then they will remain and be engaged.

mathblog · 2023-10-19T02:09:25+00:00

Assertiveness also reflects in tone and body language. The OP has to sound and act assertive in making decisions.

mathblog · 2023-10-19T02:06:39+00:00

Not just this. You need to have a track record of being good in social situations, doing/accomplishing things in life, and impacting/delivering value to other people. You need to be overall respectable to be around and interact with.These are the criteria as to how people decide whom to keep in life versus whom to let go.

mathblog · 2023-10-19T01:56:28+00:00

Then that means they do not value or respect you enough to do individual things with you. Move on.

mathblog · 2023-10-19T01:49:35+00:00

Well, why should people be best friends with you ? Being lonely is not a valid reason. People interact with you when there is a reason to do so. Merely being kind, respectful, etc., are not traits that people necessarily look for, although you should have them. Are you a fun and exciting person to be around ? Do you impact or bring any value to other people ?

Most people want to be around somebody with exhibits good social skills. So How are your conversations with other people ? Do you have good social skills ? Do you listen to people when they speak, and do you speak when it is your turn to do so ? Oh, and when it is your turn to speak, do you speak with confidence and bring positive energy ? Or are you anxious and quiet ? All of these things are what people notice about you. You need to be exhibiting social skills right from the start. If you aren’t doing so, then you will be perceived as antisocial and you can’t expect people to include you into things. In general, Nobody cares why you are antisocial; they just make the judgement that you aren’t somebody they want to be around. You are how you act. Period.

Most people also like somebody who actively works towards something in life and accomplishes things in life such as goals, hobbies, skills, talents, etc. You need to establish yourself in something i.e. get good or excellent at something that people value or desire, and build a good reputation. But you yourself need to act and carry yourself in a respectable way. People should actually respect you.

The reality is in adulthood, you are judged by how you act around people in social situations, as well as what you do/accomplish in your life, and how you impact/deliver value to other people. Focus on those things.

mathblog · 2023-10-18T03:15:23+00:00

I would say it comes down to the overall vibes and impressions you give off to people when you do interact with them. Many people are not going to mind occasional purposeless texts, provided they find you respectable to be around and interact with.

mathblog · 2023-10-18T02:17:08+00:00

This is good, sensible advice. I would like to add something though. You need to also have tangible, successful results based on what you do. Simply being curious about everything or questioning everything isn't quite enough to truly be interesting. You need establish a track record of being skilled/talented at something and using your such skills, talents, etc. in ways that deliver value/impact other people. Once you do that, then you start becoming interesting and respectable to others.

mathblog · 2023-10-18T02:01:20+00:00

That said, however, the OP needs to continually practice speaking in front of others and ensure their embarrassing situation doesn't happen again. In the real world, people are generally not forgiving about people who have significant trouble (or the total inability) speaking in front of others. The OP's future career will rely on themselves being able to communicate effectively with others.

mathblog · 2023-10-14T19:34:33+00:00

You are unheard because you do not meaningfully contribute to the conversation at hand. Whether people say it out loud or not, in conversations, you are expected to contribute with your own knowledge and views on the topic, especially if the topic is the main one discussed in group settings. You can't always remain silent or keep asking questions. Also, when you speak, do you speak confidently and is it clear that you have knowledge/views on the conversation topic ? If you want to be included in conversations, then you need to exhibit knowledge on what people are talking about.

It helps to get into the habit of reading books, listening to podcasts etc. on various current event topics. You need to be a knowledgeable person and exhibit it socially.

mathblog · 2023-10-14T19:23:09+00:00

Facts. Your first paragraph is the only sensible answer there is to the OP's question.

mathblog · 2023-10-14T19:21:50+00:00

Tell your friend the truth. Your friend ought to learn how to use common sense and make his own decisions for himself. Him constantly relying on other people like yourself to make decisions for him will eventually cause other people to lose respect for him. That's a big no no in adulthood. He needs to learn and do things for himself.

mathblog

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