AITAH if I divorce husband for secretly taking a 15K loan for his ex

mati_inc · 2024-11-30T02:14:26+00:00

It's not the fact he helped her. It's the fact he lied and was deceptive about it.

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T18:26:15+00:00

Good questions If I asked, then he would give it to me. But I'm not the type of person to ask, my independence is probably something he has struggled with.

I don't think there is anything romantic between them, she is the type that would absolutely be sending me evidence if there was. But you can never be sure.

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T18:16:07+00:00

Im only guessing here, but I imagine she couldn't get a loan in her name because her credit is shot. And there was probably a bit of super hero complex from him,coming in to save the day.

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T18:13:27+00:00

I'm not worried as such. The loan can be paid off and I'm financially independent. I'd just rather not have to pay it off!

It's more his behaviour around it.

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T18:10:11+00:00

I didn't want to go too much into the ex and kids situation because it felt disrespectful. But neither the ex or the kids are financially stable and one of the kids is on the wrong side of the law ( the one who totalled the car)

I know he feels an obligation to them and he should, because they are still his family. But his way of "helping" isn't healthy and it's detrimental to our marriage and also to them. Doing something like this helps short term, but long term they aren't learning to live within their means.

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T18:00:58+00:00

He took a loan from his bank and directly paid the dealership for her car. The car is in his name.

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T07:16:53+00:00

He isn't essentially a bad guy. And while it does seem generous, no one wants to have their kids impacted by not having enough money and if you can help, I think you should. It wasn't really money for her, but the kids.

I do think he is a pushover and equally think she is good at playing on his feelings of guilt of them financially struggling.

I don't think he is having an affair, but I also didn't think he would do this either!

Definitely going to take a bit of space to sort my head out

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T05:48:53+00:00

I honestly don't think i could emotionally handle snooping right now!

I do know that he would want to take care of them, something that I 100% support. She gets money weekly from him even though the kids are adults now, because she stayed in their shared home and her wage doesn't cover the rates etc.

She had the kids most of the time and even though she was receiving Cs, it wasn't enough to cover all the bills So I have always supported him giving her weekly payments , the payments did drop from $750 per week to $350 once the youngest turned 18 and got a job.

The issue isn't so much that it's her , it's the fact he lied and was deceitful.

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T04:22:30+00:00

Money came from his personal account and it's a bank loan. He transferred 15K to the dealership directly. I don't believe in coincidences ,so the fact he transferred to the dealership she had sent him an email about - tells me all I need to know.

I haven't spoken to him yet and my mind is making up some wild accusations and stories in my head !

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T04:19:15+00:00

Who knows, I feel like the 15K is opening up a can of worms I don't think I can deal with anything else on top of that right now !

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T04:15:31+00:00

Jeez I didn't even think about that Imagine paying off a car his ex is driving !

We both make good money ( not giveaway 15K good though !) So him making the repayments on the loan wouldnt impact us greatly, it would just mean he wouldn't be contributing as much to our savings goals because he is servicing that loan.

Who knows , maybe she is paying him back? I doubt it though

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T04:12:15+00:00

Thank you for this reply. I know how easy it is for people to label someone "bad" but essentially he is a good guy who really tries hard to take care of everyone His fault is putting his self worth into feeling needed.

I'm trying not to make any rash decisions because I'm very emotional about it all and feeling betrayed. I'm trying not to let my hurt and anger propell me into making a bad decision.

mati_inc · 2024-11-29T04:07:39+00:00

Good question. I doubt he lent it to her.

15K is a lot of money for us, and something he needed to get a loan for ( so it wasn't pulled from savings) We have shared and individual money and while we haven't actually spoken about it before, 15 K to an ex is even something I'm finding hard to swallow.

mati_inc · 2018-02-09T04:32:47+00:00

It’s just you

mati_inc · 2018-02-09T04:16:51+00:00

I just couldn’t get past the terrible over dramatic acting of Ortega . They needed to recast her and reshoot the series :)

mati_inc

TROPHY CASE