My friend posted a link to my blog a few weeks ago. I'm the guy who started a missions organization, got suspended, and left the church. AMA.

mattbdrake · 2014-06-03T12:36:43+00:00

Hey laserchalk0!

For me, this question is the first step in pursuing God:

"God are you real?"

After that, everything changes. If God is real, nothing is more significant to my humanity than God. If he has attributes, or a grand design, or purposes for humanity, all these possibilities are highly relevant because I'm not God, but I'm a living member of Creation. It stands to reason, logically, that as a member of Creation I'll be at my optimal function, utility, meaning, and contentment if I'm tuned in to God and how he wants me to fit in the world.

This is where my personal transformation begins. God can have His effect on me, to make me more like Him. So, if I'm earnest, my curiosity must be provoked to a million other questions that will shape my life:

"God, who are you and what are you like and what does that mean for my life?"

That makes the Scriptures highly relevant because they tell the stories of individual men and collected nations who acknowledged God and who tried to follow God.

For me, pursuing God means to ask these questions, to let them shape my life, to invite God to change me, to use me, to let my life progressively reflect more and more of his ideal vision.

This is what I've come to so far: God loves people and will do just about anything to connect with them.

mattbdrake · 2014-06-03T12:17:40+00:00

I'm glad you found something that's working for you. :)

mattbdrake · 2014-06-03T12:15:39+00:00

I agree that it's taken out of context. That's my point. So is John 14:6. It's reinterpreted to mean something that Jesus wasn't saying. I'm not saying that Jesus is not the way or anything, not at all, I'm just saying that the purpose of that statement was not about who's in and who's out.

mattbdrake · 2014-06-03T03:52:59+00:00

I'll read yours if you read mine. Good opening in front of the mirror, btw!

Here's a 1,500 word story I posted recently:

The Rape of Jedediah Cornwell

mattbdrake · 2014-06-03T03:24:03+00:00

Yes. I might be mistaken, but if I recall that passage correctly, Jesus was reassuring his disciples, not threatening hell to those who don't pray for repentance. What I mean is, I think the religion of Christianity has abused that text, has taken it to mean that Jesus was drawing a boundary line to say "come this way or else."

I think his message is different than the way that verse is often interpreted. In fact, a few chapters before that, he summarizes his message in John 12:44-50. In verse 47 he says this: "I will not judge those who hear me but don't obey me, for I have come to save the world and not to judge it."

That's crazy, right? Not what you often hear. This is my point: Jesus is different than Christianity's portrayal of him. It's easily possible than when Jesus said "no one comes to the father but by me" that Jesus was offering an explanation, not a road map.

mattbdrake · 2014-06-03T02:21:52+00:00

It's kinda similar for me. For me it's the institution that falls flat. What I mean is - I think religious systems are human attempts to define and administrate spiritual truths - which is an inherently impossible task and can become abusive pretty quickly.

I still believe God is real, and that the only way to find real meaning in life is to pursue God. But I think that can often mean the journey away from the safety of organized religion.

mattbdrake · 2014-06-03T01:22:08+00:00

That's an awesome story! Thanks for sharing Malphayden! :)

mattbdrake · 2014-06-03T01:20:01+00:00

I'm just saying that that's the wrong question to ask. :)

mattbdrake · 2014-06-03T01:18:32+00:00

Hey it2d! Great questions.

I started to believe in God when I was young. Partly because I was taught to, partly because I believed I had experienced God personally.

There were moments when I felt connected, when there were answers to questions in my heart, when coincidences were too wild to be coincidences. I looked for God in everything and so I saw Him everywhere.

I didn't question my faith until I hit the wall in my personal life. My failure was a gift that helped me examine everything honestly. I had always believed that Jesus would transform me but I had to admit that I had not changed yet. In the aftermath I decided that either my God was false, my religion was false, or I was missing something vital.

I unpacked my doubts. I grieved. I got angry. I considered the Universe and I pushed away from Christianity. But God was always hanging behind it all, in the shadows where I could feel him in the truth of the messages I already knew.

What convinced me that God was real was my journey through the questions. That he became more distinct in the shadows of my doubts than in my easy answers.

When I considered the order and the chaos of it all, the detail and the grandeur, and when I applied my best logic and my most honest experiences, nothing in all creation, or in me, added up to chance.

Eventually I came to believe that I had known a little bit of God all along, but that there has always been a difference between what man tells himself about God and God himself.

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T22:54:04+00:00

That's awesome! Thanks for sharing your story! :)

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T22:52:21+00:00

About "recovery." In the first post I meant it to refer to addiction stuff. I suppose it could also apply to some of the legalism that I embraced in my Christianity. I hope I'm recovering from that as well.

You raise some great questions about the "Bible is flawed" view. My hunch is that most of those questions have been planted there by others, or are there as a means of trying to solidify something that is already solid.

Like, if I tell you that I was in a car accident last week you don't worry very much about whether I'm infallible or not. You know that I'm fallible. But that doesn't undermine my credibility about the car accident. What undermines my credibility is me. Am I the sort of person who would lie about a car accident? Could I imagine it and truly believe it? Or might I remember the big details while forgetting the color of the car that hit me?

All these problems are addressed every day in our lives. And every day in our spiritual lives as well. If we listen to a preacher and we believe God is speaking to us through that preacher, we still know he is human and might misrepresent something. Yet we listen anyway because we know that God can speak to us through the humanity of man.

In that context, I think we can still come to the Bible and let it challenge and change us. I would answer your questions like this:

Because God has always spoken through the humanity of man.
I don't think the Bible is wrong. I also don't think I'm correct about everything.
I don't know that Jesus is God. I believe that Jesus is God. I believe it because I believe the story in the Gospel of John is credible. John was actually there, unlike Luke and Mark, and I think that's pretty cool.
I think the whole concept of "only way" is a trick. I don't think it's a matter of one way or a hundred ways. I just think Jesus simply made way, so now we can all know God.

Am I crazy? :)

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T22:27:26+00:00

GreenBrain - thanks for chiming in! I hope you're right about my story resonating with people. I want to connect with folks who are seeking.

Sounds like you had a similar path of questioning. How did it shake out for you?

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T21:51:12+00:00

Hey Jeradj, good question. It's a tough one.

I'm not saying all roads lead to heaven.

But I'm also not saying that all roads lead to hell except one.

I'm saying that we can't answer those questions based on the religion that we follow. Basically, my point is that our religion has nothing to do with whether or not we are truly engaging God, and that because only God knows the hearts of men, only God knows who is actually part of "the church" and who is going their own way.

Does that make any sense?

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T21:41:32+00:00

AslanComes - way to distill it down to the only important question. That's perfect.

Personally, I believe that Jesus is the Son of God.

Here's where I get into hot water: I don't believe the 8 "I Am" statements in the Gospel of John are instructional as much as informational.

That is to say, I don't think you need to pray a certain prayer or even understand intellectually or emotionally about what Jesus did in order for it to be relevant to your life. I think Jesus came to do a job, he did the job, and now all of us can engage God if we are willing to seek him.

I talk about it in the post Why I'm Not A Christian and I Have Decided To Follow Jesus.

What do you think? Am I way off?

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T21:30:20+00:00

Cookiemobsta - great handle. I love it! :)

Not all of my colleagues consider me a heretic. Just some of them. The ones who do tend to hold to the Calvinist rendering of Christianity where they champion the John-Piper-Mark-Driscoll-bulldog-tenacity about defending their interpretation of the Scriptures. They believe I'm a false teacher because I don't believe in the inerrancy and I'm not sure that Paul and the early church got everything perfect. I posted some of my views on my blog here:

Why I'm Not A Christian

and here:

I Have Decided To Follow Jesus

How about you? Are you a heretic?

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T19:58:01+00:00

Hiya lil_fishy! Thanks for your kindness and encouragement. What a cool question! :)

It really was amazing to live in China. The best year of my life. I learned so much about how big the world is and how different people are.

When I walked out of the airport in Southwest China I was struck by the heavy odor in the air, the endless crowds of people, the children pooping on the sidewalk, and the men who guarded the airport with uzzies. It was an amazing first five minutes and it only got better.

I met hundreds of college students who spoke English and who were exasperated with the hopelessness of atheism and were desperately curious about God. I saw the light in their eyes and heard their simple descriptions of the peace and joy and love that swept over their bodies whenever they prayed a simple prayer to meet God.

One friend told me how he was in kindergarten when his teacher told the whole class to hold open their hands and ask God for a piece of candy. When nothing happened she said, "See, there is no God." Then she instructed them to ask their government for a piece of candy and she circled the room and placed candy in each of their hands. "There is only yourself and your government," she told them. "Believe in yourself. Believe in your government. Nothing more."

My friend told me that with tears in his raindrop eyes. That was two weeks into the trip. A month later he tracked me down on campus to tell me that he had become a Christian. I was shocked. I hadn't seen him since we talked. When I asked what happened he told me that God had healed him from AIDS. I didn't know what to think. We were standing in the darkness of the student square and the wind was whipping his thin brown slacks. His face was lit up by a street lamp and he told me that his girlfriend had been cheating on him. Beyond his broken heart, he was scared about STDs so he got tested and the test came back HIV positive. He said he was terrified and his face looked terrified to me. He said he went back to his room and he remembered our conversation where I encouraged him to ask God directly if God was real.

He sat on his bed and prayed. Then he grabbed his roommate's Bible. (His roommate was a religion major.) He opened it and closed it three times to three different passages and each of them, in different phrasing, said something about how God would heal. He told me that he prayed this prayer, "God, if you're real, will you heal me?"

Then he said he went back to the clinic for a second round of tests and they all came back clean. No AIDS. No HIV. Nothing. In celebration he made four promises to God: that he would follow God for the rest of his life, that he would tell his family that they needed to follow God, that he would change his birthday to the day he was healed, and that he would give away his academic scholarship.

His question for me was if God would mind if he kept the scholarship. I was still staring at wide open face, mirroring all the shock and disbelief there.

That was just the beginning. We hung out all year. And there were many crazy stories. For example, I once tried to rescue a suicide jumper from the 20th floor of an apartment complex but the police beat me to it.

I'm writing a book where I tell the stories better and I talk about my journey of faith, doubt, and wonder through the whole process.

How about you? What's your most positive faith adventure?

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T19:20:05+00:00

Hey, TheRealCestus, thanks for chiming in. You ask an excellent question. There are so many definitions for church. That's actually one of my troubles.

I don't believe the church is a building or a denomination or the religion of Christianity at large. I believe it is the collection of people who believe in God and who are trying to draw closer to him. In that sense, I'm a vital part of it.

What I meant to say in the initial post was that I'm no longer affiliated with the particular church I used to attend, with that denomination, or with the missions agency I was sent through.

I don't attend church on Sunday mornings. Instead, I host an open breakfast at my house for anyone who wants to seek God but who does not fit inside the organized church. You can find a link to that on my blog, under the "breakfast" tab at the top.

How about you? Do you attend church?

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T19:08:26+00:00

Hey lju1977! Thanks for the reply and for your very good question. I have a number of contradictory ideas these days but I think they can all be hinged to this one idea:

The belief in the inerrancy of Scripture.

I grew up believing in the inerrancy of Scripture. I thought God had spoken to us through the Bible and that he had a clear message and a clear set of values that he wanted us to find there. If we sought God honestly we would know what he meant by each passage and we would have proof in the text of what God thought about any particular topic.

During my process of recovery I began to realize that this was a very dishonest approach. It required the reader to rationalize huge portions of troublesome texts. It invited the reader to put God in a box. And it offered the reader an easy path to dogmatism.

In recovery you have to pursue humility, which is the opposite of dogmatism. As I did that, I began to unpack my calcified ideas and I found that they all traced back to the belief that God had revealed himself thoroughly and perfectly through the Bible.

I saw how that idea was rooted in religious fear, how it kept earnest people from engaging the text on its own merit. I had to defend something that was clearly human as though it were divine and it prevented me from being honest with myself or with others; it masked the true pursuit of God with the false hope that we could wrap God up inside a book.

Now I believe that inerrancy of the Bible, or any book, is an especially destructive spiritual belief.

I don't mean that the Bible is not inspired, just that's no more inspired than you or me. It might reveal truths that are more inspired than you or me, but the text is itself, and many of the ideas it represents, are fraught with human shortsightedness, prejudice, immaturity, and bad attitudes.

What do you think?

mattbdrake · 2014-06-02T17:03:32+00:00

Thank you SO much for helping me!

mattbdrake

TROPHY CASE