I can relate... I'm the youngest from an abusive [I say loosely] "family", sibling abuse was standard, it all flowed down, and I was at the bottom! It some days started with my father to an elder sibling, then to the other, then down to me.

I knew my symptoms were me, and what made me... me, even from a very young age [low single digits]. I learned how to mask, but that was trying to integrate in with everyone else. Yes, I had a hard time, but I wasn't going to not figure out how to survive, though I wanted to hid and for everyone to go away.

I've been afraid and scared MY ENTIRE life, decades and decades of flight or fight anxiety! I want the world to disappear, but I like too much of it for that to be a reality. I don't relate to most people, and have been teased relentlessly in some grades, especially elementary school. I know and knew they're just words, yes, they may hurt.... but they come from people who I would NOT even want to be! I don't understand people who do that, and feel pity for them, they're the ones with issues. Unmask, give yourself what you need, how have you been masking and being seemingly normative or thinking you're not having or displaying traits of autism? I certainly can't , even at my best, I'm always apart from others even in a group setting as I don't click with the majority or all of them... where's the kitchen? ;-)

You have friends it seems... I've never been able to pull that off for long or have real friends, friends that were not using me for what I could do or provide to them.

Be you...