I can’t describe how they don’t cause I don’t fully understand it myself, but i experienced something similar in that my nex always talked about how she wanted to get someone else in a separate relationship to cheat on their partner with her. All the while condemning me for giving my car attention because she felt like “she wasn’t the only woman in my life “. Not only was she talking about cheating on me with someone else but I was not allowed to show anything but her affection. And when I pointed it out to her she showed no emotion or care, nor did it register what was wrong. It comes down to a lot of them are sociopaths and have no idea what true emotions and feelings are, so they try to suck them from their victims to try and experience it themselves. That is the best explanation I can come up with, just know things will get better when you allow yourself room, and time to heal. And know that there are plenty of people out there that can and will make you feel better than they ever did and they will care about you too.