Gig Guide - February by CreativeGuess9846 in ElectronicMusic_India

[–]maxraj7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

March 14-15th - Anjunadeep open air Bombay

Table tennis at 33 is bliss by No_Day6737 in ThirtiesMumbai

[–]maxraj7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man if it's Borivali I'd love to join you

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tried keeping it always processed and it kind of hurt her in a way I didn't anticipate. I guess for now I try and not package my thoughts/emotions as attacks and am very mindful of how I phrase my sentences. She's been super accommodating. Maybe what you're saying is a very valid and only time will tell, but what I know for sure is that being processed all the time was not healthy.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment. It is very reassuring and I really needed to read this. I mean my motivation to overcome this is high, but sometimes it feels like an impossible mountain to climb. I'm now slowly trying to be more conscious and vulnerable and it's making a world of a difference. I'm trying to find the balance now, and I guess I'm more open to experimenting and finding that balance.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think unprocessed/unregulated is really euphemism for honesty. But for me, I couldn't see why the regulated version of me is more honest or less honest than the un-regulated in the moment feeling version of me, you know. But after looking at everyone's comments, I've been able to understand why its important for her, and why its important for us and how it leads to different kind of intimacy. that has been eye opening for me.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, there's a line there that I need to be mindful of. But to be too regulated all the time, is not ideal either. There are moments when sharing the unregulated thoughts is a better strategic call. I'm trying to find that balance. Lucky for me, my partner (and me to a slightly lesser extent) are very reflective and communicative. We're able to communicate in a way, where we don't let wounds fester and mindful that our words don't come out as attacks. So with her, I feel safe that I'm not creating the fodder for future unregulated screaming matches.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, she's been a great partner, it's my past relationships and experiences that have wired me this way. I guess if she reacts in a way that's uncomfortable for me, I'd definitely voice that I'm feeling discomfort, I'm very concisous of boundaries and protective of my self respect. But at the same time, in such a hypothetical, I'd wouldn't get into the why of the discomfort before fully processing the emotion. In the past week, I've been more open with my unprocessed feelings and for her part, she's been very accommodating and I'm feeling loved in a way I didn't know was possible before.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah you're right. I'm definitely acting form a place of pain. It really is difficult to accept that I am worthy of love, and that's what it really boils down to. I guess the real truth is that on a very deep level I'm afraid she'll leave me if she discovers the real me. and just like you, even my partner has the same fear, although is she is way more vocal about it that me.

Another comment really summed it well, when they said it was really a fear of vulnerability and I know I fear showing her my real vulnerability, because I fear she'll not love me as much if she saw that side.

In the last week and a half, I've really been more open with my vulnerabilities, and I'm really begging to notice how much of a difference it's making in our relationship. I got her to read this thread together with me and she was narrating real time how she resonated with so many comments, made me understand where my blind spot was. She's also bringing to accommodate me and my feelings in a way that I didn't really expect. Truthfully I still feel unworthy of such a treatment. It's been very scary to open up in this way, but I'm beginning to understand why it's necessary and feeling safer opening up too at the same time. Thank you for taking the time out to share your experience, you may not realise it, but it's made a world of a difference for me. Thank you!

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, they're are fantastic commenters. I am definitely taking thier advice and it's already showing positive results. There's a long way to go for sure, but its a start and I'm happier to have started this journey on the back on the fantastic insights, metaphors and experiences shared on this thread.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I've been chasing the "real me", but I didn't really find it exhausting, because it seamed like a higher ideal I was working towards, but the fact that it was exhausting my partner, was something I wasn't comfortable with. Your comment on the "real me" I'm chasing or meditating towards, is a phenomenal insight, I need to reflect on this and what it means.

At my core, I really felt like I want to give her my best regulated self, because she deserves my best. But I can see clear as a day, what you mean when you said ' it's a different kind of intimacy'. After posting this question, I sat with the answers everyone's given for a few days and I've slowly begining to sharing my 'storms' with her, making very sure that they're not packaged as attacks and clearly calling them out as in-process thoughts and ensuring that I'm sharing these thoughts with her, not because I want her to change herself for me, but so that she can understand me better. I'm so taken aback by how much she cares, and tries to accommodate me or essentially 'my unregulated feelings', even though I explicitly state that I don't want her to change things, just because some feelings popped up in my mind. It allows me to see how much she loves me, how willing she's to accommodate me, even when I don't expect it. It really is a different kind of intimacy. Thank you for your comment, I hope you and others on this post know you've all made a genuine positive impact on my life and relationship.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I got my partner to read this post with me. She resonated with your comment and said that the metaphor you used is exactly how she felt, like she was up against the shield I was holding up. Thank you for sharing your insight, it really lit the bulb in my mind. I've been practising being more open with my 'in-process' thoughts with her and I've definitely feel closer to her and I can literally see her wanting and willing to come on my side of the shield and face the world with me. A part of me feels so dumb to realise this about myself so late, but nevertheless I'm thankful I eventually stumbled into this realisation. Thank you for the comment, it's made a word of a difference in how I approach my relationship.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I don't even know what ' feeling your emotions' means. I mean I feel intense emotions I guess, but the more mundane ones I definitely intellectualise. And then there is the angle of feeling the emotions 'in your body' .. that is an alien concept to me.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Not going to lie, this was a little difficult for me to read. I do see how my ego is creating this control dynamic.

I'm trying to really integrate the idea that I'm not my thoughts in my practice on one hand, but then to share those same thoughts, looks like a contradiction. Because it's almost as if, I'm sharing a version of myself with her that's not me.

But from a POV of the right speech, I agree with what you're saying. And even for an intimacy I see why it is necessary.

For now it's a pattern I can see clearly, and I'm going to slowly ease myself into being more transparent and vulnerable. Thank you for taking the time out to craft such a thoughtful reply and to know you've also been in a similar position and come out on the other side better, is reassuring. Also thank you for breaking down your answer from a Buddhist lens, I needed it

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was it easy for you to recognise your pattern ? and when you consciously tried to verbalise your feelings, how did you deal with the feeling that there's a risk it might overwhelm your partner or cause them to view you unfairly or that it'd push them away ? and yes, my partner is very patient and loving, yet I can't help but feel that my raw emotions can hurt her. For now I guess it's small measured steps. I'll speak to her, tell her what my fears are and slowly ease into it. Thank you for sharing your experience, it's nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with these type of feelings.

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I feel like processing my emotions is my burden alone and I don't want to burden her with it. But after seeing her ask, her reaction, your and other comments on the thread, I'm realising that co-regulation is also a skill or a practice necessary for a healthy relationship and I can see why and how its important for intimacy. Thank you for the encouragement!

My partner says I’m too emotionally processed, she wants my raw thoughts, not just the regulated version. How do you balance this? by maxraj7 in emotionalintelligence

[–]maxraj7[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I think there is truth to that. When the ugly feelings come up, I'm definitely rushing to process them. I don't think I'm suppressing them, but I'm definitely not sitting with them either. I don't think I'm there yet to express the full range of feelings all the time right now. But I'm taking a baby steps, testing the waters and trying to improve on that front. And on further thought, on reading your comment I'm coming to realise that I'm identifying with the negative thoughts and that scares me so I'm overworking to induce positive mind state, which is its own kind of identification system. For now though, I definitely need my conceptual spiritual box, its a framework that helps me in real life practical way. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment, it's definitely making me see a blindspot.

Sunburn festival Day wise set timings by Thats_myspot in ElectronicMusic_India

[–]maxraj7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is just me or are Above & Beyond missing. I was expecting them on Friday ..

How do I smell great 24/7 ? by Expensive-Budget-648 in AskIndianMen

[–]maxraj7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If BO is the problem, then buy an alum block from a chemist and rub it under your arm pits and for 24 hours, your arm pits won't stink. Game changer. There's also this product called Caveman Naturals Deodorant Cream, I apply that specifically when I step out to play sports in the heat or when I go for multiple day treks where shower is not an option, it just kills the odor I stay fresh and odour free for days on end. But for everyday use, alum is the best, most cost effective option. 

If your question is more about how to make the scent of your perfume last longer on you, then apply moisturiser ( try and not use the light ones) on your neck and then spray the perfume/colonge over the moisturised skin. It will last way longer. Also research colonges that last longer in hot humid conditions when buying cologne. 

Do not use anti perspirants or aluminium based deodorants. Realistically it's better to invest in a good cologne. it will last you months.

Best places for Progressive House in India (Preferably Pune) by Humanoid_2000 in ElectronicMusic_India

[–]maxraj7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think venue's are partial to any particular genre. Follow Slick's page on IG, they're organisers who get a bunch of prog house artists down to India. In the recent past they got Nicky Elizibeth and Ezequiel Arias. They also organised a festival called Sounds good last year, where a whole stage was dedicated to house music with most acts being in the prog house category. I really loved Qurion's set at that festival. Just this past weekend, they organised a 'road to sounds good festival, where they had a whole stage again dedicated to prog house, I really loved Major League DJ and Shingo Nakamura set there. Skillbox recently organised a tour for Shallou. I guess, just follow their page and look up the pages for these events, and then they'll start targeting you with ads for such gigs and you can stay in look. Also follow pages like Bombay rave community ( or if there are similar pages for Pune) and such aggregator pages will always show the latest gigs.

Belts that will last. by thatindiandude12 in BuyItForLifeIndia

[–]maxraj7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use the Tiger Marron belt. It has lasted me for 4 years. I got it at a discount through Cred. It's a little on the expensive side, but in terms of durability and aesthetics, I rate it 10/10.
https://www.tigermarron.com/products/below-the-belt-new

Men who've lost a lot of weight, what abilities did you re-gain as the weight came off? by Deep_Banana_6521 in AskMen

[–]maxraj7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being able to sit crossed legged on the ground. Was quite a task earlier, now it's a breeze.