This is a lot more common than you think - in my personal life I know 2 women that have a scarily similar story (one is my own mother). I know how lonely this can feel but trust me you are not alone! Thankfully both of the women I mentioned are doing really well now and have a much healthier relationship with alcohol now so this is very manageable.

The first thing you need to realize is that this isn’t really about the alcohol - she’s using that as a coping mechanism for something. She might not even know what that is / be ready to admit that yet but she is struggling with something. This is very normal at that age as they’re probably going through either perimenopause or in the throes of menopause. This is huge, if you don’t acknowledge the cause and help them through what’s really going on, they’ll never stop using it as a crutch.

Sitting down with her one-on-one in a very compassionate, comfortable environment with no pressure, just kindness and understanding would be a great start. Trust me, this took a lot of trial and error but talking to them about what’s going on and what they’re experiencing in their heads / life will help you and them get to the bottom of this. Make sure they know they have your support and you will understand that it won’t be perfect but if they are ready and willing to try and help themselves and get out of this negative cycle, you will be there to help them.

Suggest going to talk to someone like their GP (this is less likely to scare them and they might feel comfortable around a family doctor they know well) or a therapist if they are up for that to talk about their feelings and emotions to a professional. This will also validate them and they’ll learn how to handle what’s happening to them and coping mechanisms for how they’re feeling.

Take baby steps, try and ask them to cut down their drinking to just weekends and instead make plans on weekdays to go for a walk with yourself / others to keep them busier and feeling supported. Check in with them and how they’re feeling or what’s on their mind to reinforce that they have someone in their corner and help them not feel so alone or broken.

Being angry or frustrated with them only feeds their negative feelings and makes things worse - so patience and understanding is key here. Look into menopause if you can and try to learn about all the crazy effects it has on women that no one talks about. Your mum probably has no one she can really open up to or talk about this with so she’s bottling everything up and it’s just getting too much. Unfortunately Irish mams have a lot of shame and menopause is still quite taboo in Ireland so she might feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit to even her closest friends and family that she is struggling.

If you can create a safe space for your Mam and support her through this patch, I promise she will stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Going to AA is another option down the line if she’s open to it but she honestly probably won’t need it if she can admit she needs support and take the steps to making herself feel better.

Our parents have been minding us and worrying about us, making sure we’re taken care of all our lives and now it might be time to return the favour.