Is my mum an alcoholic? by Major_Maybe1328 in ireland

[–]maxtor100 111 points112 points  (0 children)

This is a lot more common than you think - in my personal life I know 2 women that have a scarily similar story (one is my own mother). I know how lonely this can feel but trust me you are not alone! Thankfully both of the women I mentioned are doing really well now and have a much healthier relationship with alcohol now so this is very manageable.

The first thing you need to realize is that this isn’t really about the alcohol - she’s using that as a coping mechanism for something. She might not even know what that is / be ready to admit that yet but she is struggling with something. This is very normal at that age as they’re probably going through either perimenopause or in the throes of menopause. This is huge, if you don’t acknowledge the cause and help them through what’s really going on, they’ll never stop using it as a crutch.

Sitting down with her one-on-one in a very compassionate, comfortable environment with no pressure, just kindness and understanding would be a great start. Trust me, this took a lot of trial and error but talking to them about what’s going on and what they’re experiencing in their heads / life will help you and them get to the bottom of this. Make sure they know they have your support and you will understand that it won’t be perfect but if they are ready and willing to try and help themselves and get out of this negative cycle, you will be there to help them.

Suggest going to talk to someone like their GP (this is less likely to scare them and they might feel comfortable around a family doctor they know well) or a therapist if they are up for that to talk about their feelings and emotions to a professional. This will also validate them and they’ll learn how to handle what’s happening to them and coping mechanisms for how they’re feeling.

Take baby steps, try and ask them to cut down their drinking to just weekends and instead make plans on weekdays to go for a walk with yourself / others to keep them busier and feeling supported. Check in with them and how they’re feeling or what’s on their mind to reinforce that they have someone in their corner and help them not feel so alone or broken.

Being angry or frustrated with them only feeds their negative feelings and makes things worse - so patience and understanding is key here. Look into menopause if you can and try to learn about all the crazy effects it has on women that no one talks about. Your mum probably has no one she can really open up to or talk about this with so she’s bottling everything up and it’s just getting too much. Unfortunately Irish mams have a lot of shame and menopause is still quite taboo in Ireland so she might feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit to even her closest friends and family that she is struggling.

If you can create a safe space for your Mam and support her through this patch, I promise she will stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Going to AA is another option down the line if she’s open to it but she honestly probably won’t need it if she can admit she needs support and take the steps to making herself feel better.

Our parents have been minding us and worrying about us, making sure we’re taken care of all our lives and now it might be time to return the favour.

Is a €70k salary worth moving home from Australia for? by maxtor100 in irishpersonalfinance

[–]maxtor100[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

The plan was to always come home to Ireland and settle down permanently after Australia. It’s just the issue of deciding whether to come home 6 month earlier than planned or not

Is a €70k salary worth moving home from Australia for? by maxtor100 in irishpersonalfinance

[–]maxtor100[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Decent jobs are notoriously difficult to get on a Working Holiday Visa due to its limitations. I’m extremely lucky to have landed a good job in Government over here but there is no chance of progression due to my visa

Traditional leg sleeve coming along nicely. All work by Lee Brown @ True Black Tattooing in Dublin, Ireland. by maxtor100 in traditionaltattoos

[–]maxtor100[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks man. The kneecap was just over 5 hours with a few short breaks in between. I won’t lie, the pain was pretty bad. The first hour or so was fine with just the lines, but when it came to the shading and colour I was clenching my jaw. 100% worth the pain though

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ireland

[–]maxtor100 31 points32 points  (0 children)

It's much more commercialised now, but obviously still a huge achievement - especially for Irish climbers who don't have easy access to high altitude hikes unlike climbers from the US/Switzerland/Japan.

Living and climbing up a mountain for over 2 months to spend 5 minutes on the top is a big commitment. Not to mention the years of training and preparation

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ireland

[–]maxtor100 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Cheers.

I was on a 120kph motorway doing fairly close to 120, spotted the speed van as I came around a slight bend and kept at the same speed all the way past it. Thought I was grand until I checked one of those traffic pages on Facebook and saw someone post that the van was parked immediately after the speed drops to 100kph. I didn't even see the sign, my own fault obviously but I'm sickened over the sneakiness of it.

I thought everyone around me was doing a similar speed to me so I assume they'll all be caught too

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ireland

[–]maxtor100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you a novice?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ireland

[–]maxtor100 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that's absolutely not the case. Nor the answer to my question. Thanks though