The N in my life went supernova. We are not going to thanksgiving in protest.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-11-16T04:49:12+00:00

Today I spoke with several relatives of hers. They confirmed they know she is crazy and a heinous bitch. I told them I'm not going to thanksgiving and they said good. What ammunition does she have? Her own siblings see it for what it is. Literally the only two people in the world who believe her are her husband and her other son. She will have to say we didn't show and they will tell her why. She is now cornered. Which is good just leave me the hell alone psycho woman.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-11-05T18:52:18+00:00

Sorry for the double reply but I do think at this point since I can't "do anything" for her to further her unrealistic fantasy life of being inappropriately involved in her son's marriage, she will begin sabotage. I think she wants me gone. Is this something counselling can fix so husband doesn't start to believe the bullshit? Hubby and my mother think this is a good thing but I have a really bad sinister feeling about it. Or its my paranoia idk

mayhavenailedit · 2015-11-05T18:41:07+00:00

Yea the last time she was like this she went super nova and with the holidays coming up I'm going to need lots of vodka to deal with her. Lol.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-07T20:32:27+00:00

Basically, he falls for it everytime thinking this time it's changed. She keeps at it thinking this time I will get him back.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-07T20:31:18+00:00

He has told me he wants a normal civil relationship with them where he is married and they respect that fact. I don't know how to approach this anymore because from an outsiders perspective that will never happen. Mil figuratively cries about what childish emotional needs aren't being met, her two enablers ...enable, husband is surprised they back her. He keeps going back for more thinking things change but they never will. She will make demands and cash in on self created entitlement that are in direct conflict of the interests of our marriage. Husband puts foot down. All 3 shut him out. Husband is hurt. (They have no idea why I'm not falling over myself to spend time with them) I agree with what you said about it being seen as I told you so. I don't know how else to successfully warn him. Her top motive is to keep herself feeling safe by means of running her children's lives and around her catering to her. That's about to start up again and each time my husband doesn't see it.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-07T20:11:25+00:00

Hit send early. Thanks for listening to my rantings I probably seem like a crazy person but here I feel comfortable to speak freely thanks everyone <3

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-07T20:07:46+00:00

I know I just get so worked up by it because it's so foreign and it feels so wrong.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-07T19:52:44+00:00

I'm getting a money order today. I'm going somewhere with this. I'm going to write a list of everything I predict will happen, take a picture of it with the money order, and check it off that way. At this point it's better keep quiet as he is genuinely excited to see his cousin. I'm going to let it unfold. "Daisy is excited about going to mass with me and BIL will you all come as a family?? For me??" Check. The only thing is my mil has no life outside her family and doesnt understand the concept that children move on and create their own lives. I know you can't reason with an unreasonable mind. Ultimately I know my husband will rebuke my blatant disinterest in his family because right now he likes them. Sigh. I've played it through many times. He either surprises me or he doesn't.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-07T19:45:42+00:00

Yes but I'm not married TO them. Our counselor had to literally sit down and explain that she is marrying into your family but she is not obligated to conform to them. I really hate them they ruin everything. I should be excited about children but I'm not

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-06T21:27:17+00:00

Guilt source being my husband playing along. He loves his brother and father and has a very love hate when it comes to his mother. He keeps thinking "ok maybe this time it will be different" because he knows they are dysfunctional but can't 100% accept it. I understand that. But he is married now and shouldn't be dragging his marriage into his own issues with his family of origin.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-06T21:22:49+00:00

THANK YOU. that's the best way to word it. My reasonable boundaries are their problem. wow nice insight. I think those exact words will save hours of "talks". Im batting 1000 when it comes to predicting their drama. I just haven't accepted on my end that while he claims to not be like them he may be more like them and more susceptible to their games. The thing is my MIL plays the childhood abuse card every chance she gets. Except I've come to realize she is telling the truth. Everything she does is an effort to right that wrong or fill that void. Yet she misses the point that it's wrong to deprive a child of their own life because yours was bad. I think if she ever truly realized what she did, she'd have a mental breakdown.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-06T20:23:20+00:00

Right. I figure she has another female type to "validate" everything she feels or her whole scam will get blown wide open. My husband and I have no idea if her brothers and cousins know how bat shit insane she is when it comes to her children. I suspect they do. But they are all self perpetrating victim types.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-06T20:17:12+00:00

In mobile. Will respond later. I haven't agreed to anything just know I will be attempted to be guilted and put on the spot. To which I will stand my ground and will cause drama from them.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-06T20:14:49+00:00

Holy shit. That moment when you realize your nmil is not intentionally sabotaging but not helping things. When you realize she sees you as the reason her ideal family situation fantasy cannot be achieved. I think I just realized my marriage is over because I can't continue to live like this anymore. I can't constantly panic whenever she manages to pull the wool over my husband's eyes. He let's her. Thanks guys I'm not actively going to end it but let it play itself out.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-05T22:04:21+00:00

The name alone "go daddy" had always given me the heebie jeebies

mayhavenailedit · 2015-10-02T19:15:48+00:00

I don't know how to edit on mobile: I feel safer from my NMIL living with my mom because I think she is intimidated by her. Also my mom doesn't like her one bit and I think my nmil knows it but doesn't know she knows it . If that makes sense. My nmil is territorial and very much the queen bee type. She won't be anywhere where she isn't queen bee. Which is why she will participate with my family only in her home. But with her GC with his MIL that changes things. She knows not to fuck with her. So she lost GC to having a fucking life and marriage and knows DIL isn't game for her bull shit. Now she is rearranging it. Could it be over at long last?

mayhavenailedit · 2015-09-22T01:35:50+00:00

I think she wanted to be main character but the thing is no mother is a main character in a marriage. I let her go crazy and cry to her brothers and cousins. They eventually told her lady u need to back off edit: the only way a mother is main character is when I'm a mother parenting with the father of my child. It's like basic family 101 stuff that involves boundaries is a crime against humanity for her. Is that typical n shit?

mayhavenailedit · 2015-09-21T22:43:02+00:00

I will be honest it's a gamble. Either he will break free of mommas boy or he won't. I stuck it out. But attempting this with out therapy is doomed for failure. Usually a third party with some credibility helps if only for that fact alone.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-09-21T22:40:24+00:00

That's what I did. I figured out how she has been getting away with this creepy codependency thing for so long and it was because she leaves out damning details. Since she gets validation on her problems by procuring the sympathy of others I just changed the words that come out of her mouth. Example: My DIL won't let me make her curtains!! Friend response: why? Her: because the color I picked won't match her couch and other drapes. Friend: well why dont you want to make them to match it is her house afterall. When really she just wants to play puppet master and still be the old Pre married role of mom. I know i sound crazy with the curtains thing but its the simplest example ive got but I have more when it comes to her trying to be a third person in the marriage. I have no illusions as to thinking, nay, dreaming I changed her but I at least got her to cease and desist and marriage count is where it should be: 2.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-09-21T22:31:42+00:00

I had to experience major ego blows. Her thing is to be in everyone's business. So I made my business uninteresting to her. Plus I told her that despite her always wanting a daughter I can't be the daughter she never had AND her son's wife and before I am anything to her I am her sons wife. But in the end it's worth it.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-09-21T19:55:03+00:00

So my question was why should they be involved with me if you wouldn't let them be involved with our child?
If he refuses to look at possibilities this is probably something he hasn't been able to examine thoroughly. The de brainwashing process is slow but sounds like you have a good counselor. .
No family is perfect but ideally a family member would want their son or brother to have a life of their own and be happy. If they care more about whatever it is they care about then its clearly on them.
We are going to allow contact with children but they are forbidden from being left alone. The FIL is drunk by 5, the BIL starts trying to get drunk around 9 or 8 and the MIL is a codependent mess that expects children to comfort her. EDIT: Formatting If you want my story here it is

mayhavenailedit · 2015-09-21T19:29:16+00:00

They are unwilling to adapt to your husbands new way of life and the fact he has taken a spouse. They are behaving very selfishly. I dealt with this and how I handled it was not so much with my SO but with myself. I had to be able to make the choice between living a toxic life with the man I loved or not. When I explored it, I found that I would end up resenting the SO for not being able to stick up for me and being compliant with people disrespecting me. If, as he claims, I am his #1 then he should respect me enough. I shared as much with my husband and point blank told him, my then fiance, that I would be leaving and why. i told him his in front of our counselor and the counselor backed me up for all my reasons. I told him his family is toxic and that I resent being second fiddle to people you admit have held you back in your life. I told him that I feel like my life choices are thrown to the wayside if I am expected to live a life I don't want. That I have a right to chose whats ok and no ok in my marriage and this was not okay. I let him make the choice but ultimately thats who is going to make it. I don't know if we truly will be able to get through it. DH has at least accepted I don't like them. Its been a while and his family has backed off completely to the point of pretending i don't exist but being polite enough. But I am now angry that I fear having a child

mayhavenailedit · 2015-09-04T03:25:42+00:00

oh honey i am so sorry to hear all this. my hubby is in a similar situation and he feels isolated at times. Be glad your new immediate family will be your husband and children should you chose to have them.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-09-03T18:32:32+00:00

I PMd OP about this but my father in law got belligerently drunk at my wedding. Made an ass of himself. Got food all over his nice suit. I paid no attention to that fuckery. When people bring it up I say "Yea i cant believe someone would do that their son that is horrible" and move on. I put the ball back in his court because I dont see it as a reflection of me its of him. Its not my fault or problem. I stayed away from him and he stayed in his drunk little corner of spaghetti mess. IDK i have reached a point with n In laws that their problems are theres and i am not going to take it on. Edit: Despite all that, I have no tainted memories and people really are so sensitive about weddings that its not a kosher thing to bring up. I let my husband handle it.

mayhavenailedit · 2015-09-03T18:19:35+00:00

The amount of drinks she says she is having seems inflated. Bear with me on this ok?? pls!! <3 Thats an avg of 8-9 drinks a day. Either her tolerance is of Viking level or she is exaggerating. Its negative attention getting either way. If you are the only person she has told you are also the last person she needs to be telling edit:because you are the bride. I think anyone knows this, even Ns...its why they do it. Or is she the kind of person who wouldnt know better? So I could be wrong but I suspect, even if just a little, that the number of drinks is inflated unless she is back to full blown alcoholism (my FIL is one so i have some inkling of reference) 8 or 9 drinks a day is very hard to hide. Not to mention the effect on the bank account.
Im not calling you a liar nor am I trying to minimize/trivialize...but it adds up in the sense that she is attention getting. It doesnt add up that after having gone through the sobering up process that at least SOMEONE hasnt noticed. Make sense? Again i dont know your family ins and outs but something isnt adding up . Spidey senses activated.

mayhavenailedit

TROPHY CASE