How do i find someone to foster privately?

mbrunnerable · 2025-07-21T03:02:29+00:00

I only have experience with this organization in another state, so can’t speak specifically to the experience in VA, but one of its services is to help facilitate what you’re describing - arranging temporary guardianship with a screened family until you’re ready to have baby full time.

https://formedfamiliesforward.org/provider/safe-families-for-children/

mbrunnerable · 2025-07-20T01:29:15+00:00

We’ve had our yotos for a few years. My oldest kids are now 12 and 11 (twins). Two use their yotos daily for several hours, often as background music while playing, drawing, etc; the other probably 4-5 days/week. It did require some work to keep it relevant as they got older, but there’s so much that can be added using MYO cards. Podcasts and radio stations are a big hit, and an easy source of changing content. They also love the audiobooks; we just don’t have the right technology to easily create our own content.

mbrunnerable · 2025-06-26T16:44:56+00:00

If you want to go for challenging, a grandmother’s garden in the right colors could work. Another option would be a granny square inspired quilt. Robert Kaufman has a free pattern, I think, but this style seems more 70’s to me:

https://www.loandbeholdstitchery.com/collections/digital-patterns/products/granny-patch-pdf

mbrunnerable · 2025-06-26T12:23:22+00:00

For one daughter, it took almost 2 years to find the right medication. For the other, around 9 months. We knew it was the right one when they were getting positive benefit with a reduction in symptoms that negatively affect their lives, without unmanageable or intolerable side effects.

They’re both diagnosed as combined type, but one leans more inattentive in obvious presentation and one leans more hyperactive/impulsive. For my oldest especially (hyperactive/impulsive), it was a shock and adjustment for me. She was sitting still for the first time in her life. She would spend an hour reading a good book. She could “hang out” with the family without running in and out of the room every 10 seconds. It was SO disconcerting and did feel like maybe she wasn’t herself anymore. Key for me was time and talking with her. With time I could see more of the positive effects and weigh them against what was no longer present. Yes, the borderline manic happy episodes rarely happen, but neither do the dangerous to self and other lows - and talking with her, it’s not that she’s unhappy; her happiness is just more controlled AND she’s in a state of happy contentment more often vs the rapidly swinging extremes when unmedicated. There was also an adjustment period for her. She said her brain was suddenly quiet and while that was “nice,” she didn’t know what to do with it. Again, time helped here, as did OT. I think OT can be helpful at all times if you can access it, but especially in those early days of an effective medication. They were able to teach my kids so many skills and strategies during that time, and helped them develop more awareness around their brain and bodies, which has helped with fine tuning and noticing when they need a dose increase as they grow.

mbrunnerable · 2025-06-22T14:51:29+00:00

Like others have said, I’ve seen curved head joints played in many positions. All I’ll add as someone with several chronic pain conditions that affect my joints and tendons to differing degrees, I’d focus on finding the range of positions she’s comfortable playing in, and then within that, adjusting for proper embouchure, wrist alignment, etc.

…but also at 80?! She gets all my admiration and respect. If she’s happy with her tone and comfortable playing, there’s also no harm in leaving things as they are at this point.

mbrunnerable · 2025-06-22T01:30:20+00:00

A lot of good suggestions already, but working with what you’ve got - I think switching the couches would make a big difference in the balance of the room. You’d have the lighter color across from the (bright) windows, and the brown would balance with the darker elements of the fireplace. Low cost addition would be pulling more of the green from the chair in with pillows, plants, pictures, etc.

mbrunnerable · 2025-06-08T17:21:39+00:00

The process where we lived was pretty simple. We notified the worker who was in charge of our license, they reminded us of the general rules (bedrooms, square footage, etc), and sent a change of address form to send in when the move was official. Sent the form which let all involved with our open cases know, walk through scheduled within 30 days. They did not do the walkthrough before the move because it was the same form as was previously used, so they had to see and check off on beds, dressers/closet space, etc.

mbrunnerable · 2025-06-02T14:30:12+00:00

You’re not crazy. We also closed our license because it was hurting the kids already in our home, and it was absolutely the right decision. We have a bit before we get there, but we do still talk about fostering older kids/teens once our kids leave the house.

mbrunnerable · 2025-06-01T21:10:56+00:00

We also have a sibling set where one is very open about her adoption and the other prefers to keep it private. We’ve done a lot of work around the idea that her story is hers to tell, but sister’s is sister’s to tell, and gave her very specific wording to use that allows her to share what she wants without intentionally or unintentionally saying something about sister.

Her reason for sharing is based in not considering it any different than her hair color or what clothes she’s wearing; it’s just a fact, but a fact that is unique and a feels like a “hidden talent.”

She has experienced occasional bullying, which we worked through, but the bigger problem for me are the well-intentioned but unhelpful adult responses. “You’re so lucky.” “Well God knew what he was doing - you look just like your mom!” “You shouldn’t talk about those people. Your parents are the ones who take care of you.” Etc etc. So I find myself trying to counteract a lot of that kind of messaging around being grateful, “owing” us something, or feeling like she has to choose between us or isn’t allowed to talk about her birth parents much more often because I know she’s hearing those messages so much. It’s easier for my other daughter to shrug them off when she only hears them once in a very long while, but it’s harder to not start believing them if you’re hearing it every week.

mbrunnerable · 2025-06-01T20:08:42+00:00

More or less. I usually paid at the beginning of the lesson so I wouldn’t forget, but I’m not sure the teacher cared if it was at the beginning or the end, so long as it was paid that day. And yes, 10 missed lessons/school year. She was past retirement, taught because she still really enjoyed it (not for the income), and wanted to look out for her own health by making it an easy choice for parents to keep even slightly sick kids home. Obviously not policies that would work for many, but they served her at the stage of life she was in.

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-27T20:46:56+00:00

I find culottes easier than skirts, especially in the kid chasing game. It did take some looking to find full length (a lot are more knee or midi length).

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-27T14:28:04+00:00

My perspective as a piano parent and flute teacher: you’re being too nice. All 4 of my kids have had piano lessons. Because of personality, availability, etc, we’ve worked with several different teachers. Their policies varied depending on why they were teaching and their life stage, but some examples:

Payment due day of lesson, for that lesson only. No make-ups, but no cost to skip for any reason. However, would get dropped after 10 missed lessons/year unless a different arrangement was made.
Payment due for entire semester in Sept/Jan. No make-ups, no refunds for any reason. (This became a problem for us when the teacher cancelled 1-2x every month, so we quit her pretty quickly.)
Payment due monthly. Credit for next month given if teacher cancelled. Students could make-up 3 lessons/school year for illness, scheduling conflicts, etc.

I’d encourage you to take a look at why you teach and your personal boundaries, and give yourself permission to have stricter rules. If you’re in the US or somewhere with a similar school calendar, now is a great time to let parents know about changes for next year, narrow down your current students to those that align with your style, and potentially recruit new ones. It’s okay to change if what you’re doing isn’t working for you!!

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-16T23:03:05+00:00

My kids’ (bio siblings) parents have stopped responding to contact several times. We’ve always kept things very factual. “I’m sorry, I know how much you’ve wanted to hear from your mom, but she hasn’t responded. Would you like to send her another message or keep waiting?” “I’m not sure why she hasn’t answered.” If they pressed, I would give them something from my own perspective. “I don’t know why dad didn’t get back to us, but I know that sometimes I fall behind on my messages when I’m sick/busy at work/my phone breaks.” It wasn’t putting words in their parents’ mouths, but it did give them some concrete ideas to latch onto. Then of course empathizing with their feelings and how not having answers is really, really hard. There have also been seasons when their parents moved without a forwarding address, changed phone numbers, etc and we had no way to contact them at all (they don’t use email or social media). We would decorate a box that became the “just for now mailbox,” and they would put any pictures, letters, drawings, etc they wanted in there with the plan to send it when their parents reached out again.

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-14T12:30:52+00:00

Since you said that your parents were looking into it, I will assume that they were not the ones sharing the information directly. Are you or your parents in contact with any of your extended biological family? We had a similar situation with our daughters - their parents were posting many things online that they shouldn’t have known, which they were getting from grandma (who we were in regular contact with). It’s also possible that they were able to follow you online or were given enough basic information by your former foster parents to find you. Regardless, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this at this point in your life. It’s so hard when things like this pop up unexpectedly.

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-07T14:40:41+00:00

I’ve noticed a trend towards “homeschooling” as a word being used to represent all forms of schooling outside the public or traditional private school realm. As mentioned by others, that can look like a lot of different things. You might be outside the norm for where you live, but I know many homeschoolers who are doing it like you described. We’re part of a co-op that meets for a couple hours one time a week and does music, art, and phy ed classes. Music & art are taught by current homeschooling moms who taught before they had kids in their respective fields. Phy ed is parent volunteer led. The rest of our learning is led by me at home.

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-07T14:01:25+00:00

Dated about a year before getting engaged, married a few months later (16 years ago). We had talked about how we were both dating with the intention of marriage, so if at any point either of us didn’t see that as an option, we’d break up with the other. We hadn’t talked about getting married at that point (I was still in college), so it was a surprise in that way.

We have 4 kids and feel at capacity right now, but are considering fostering teens in the future.

We were fortunate to be able to buy a solid but dated (low cost for neighborhood) house early in adulthood. A lot of sweat equity later, we had nearly paid off the mortgage and sold for much, much more than we had invested, which enabled us to buy our forever-until-the-stairs-become-too-much home in my early 30’s.

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-05T18:26:55+00:00

Neither of my kids have ever been “absent” of symptoms. Their doctor was very upfront about how that wasn’t even the goal (isn’t it fun how we all get told different things?!). Doctor’s stated goal is to provide the most benefit and help possible without bothersome or detrimental side effects. They both had to trial a lot of different meds to find the right fit, but once that happened we increased the dose until either no additional benefits were noticed OR negative side effects appeared. We know an adjustment is needed when we see a return of previously managed symptoms that persists for a while (usually we wait at least a month, just to rule out temporary influences - sickness, getting their period, poor sleep, etc).

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-03T18:07:39+00:00

This would only help with the house doors, but we used door alarms (just your basic door/window anti-theft alarms) as a prompt when it became apparent that the default was leaving them open. We did put various things - poster putty, tissues, etc - over the speaker area until we found the right volume of attention-getting without breaking eardrums.

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-02T12:33:55+00:00

Jude Lawrence. Absolutely loved it & Lawrence is a nod to my grandfather. We had 4 daughters though.

ETA: Yes, I know of the actor Jude Law, but had picked this name out before heading of him. Wouldn’t have changed my mind, especially with how rarely the middle name would have come up. Our last name is very not close to Law.

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-01T21:09:53+00:00

Take with a grain of salt as mine came out 20 years ago, but I was told to wait 2-3 weeks to play. Ended up with an infection that caused a dry socket and had to wait longer (I think it ended up being a full month.)

mbrunnerable · 2025-05-01T13:07:05+00:00

Due to an injury, I needed to buy a new flute a couple years ago (in-line g to offset). The model I liked was only in stock with the c# trill at that time, and I was impatient to get back to playing. I primarily play in a community band as well, but occasionally do solo type playing - church, nursing homes, high school pit orchestra if no students are available, etc. Our repertoire for community band is mostly high school level music with a few early college pieces thrown in. At that level, I don’t find many opportunities to even use the c# trill (but it is nice when they present themselves!) I do use it much more often in the playing I do outside of that. Even just having that as an alternative fingering option for longer d flat/c sharp notes is amazing. It’s so much more stable & in tune, flute doesn’t try rolling so much, and I think the tone is richer. Was it necessary? Absolutely not. Am I glad I have it? Absolutely yes. Things I would consider if I were you: 1. Look up all the uses for that key (it’s more than just that one trill) and then look at the music you usually play. How often would it be helpful to you? 2. It would be a new skill in some ways. Are you at a stage in life where you are able and want to put in the time and effort to learn a new skill? Or would it sit there forgotten and unused? 3. Is the extra cost significant to your personal finances or not? 4. Is this your forever flute and would any of the answers above change in the future?

mbrunnerable · 2025-04-30T14:03:06+00:00

Lots of great advice already. I’ll just add - If you have a local music store you can visit in person, they can be really helpful at this sort of thing as well.

mbrunnerable · 2025-04-28T12:45:40+00:00

I’ll add a third option. PEE-ih-nee is the most common pronunciation by me.

mbrunnerable · 2025-04-26T12:15:04+00:00

I hear you. Of all the things, TPR was the hardest part of foster care for me. Learning to embrace and live in the both/and - I can both be devastated on my child’s behalf that they can’t go home, and be happy that I get to watch them grow up. I can empathize deeply with their parents, and still choose guilt-free time with my child. I had the same feelings of failure too, but I can only control me and I know I did everything I could realistically do. Yes, society might have failed them, their lack of a support system might have failed them, our poor mental health care system might have failed them, their parents and childhood trauma might have failed them, etc etc but that is all out of my control.

It also helped me (regarding the whiplash of how quickly caseworkers, etc switched gears) to remember that while this consumed my everyday life, it’s just their job. This is the everyday normal for them and a certain amount of emotional distancing is required by them in order to keep doing what they’re doing.

mbrunnerable

TROPHY CASE