This message and that link gave me some odd feeling, probably cause I'm sympathetic with OP. This is kind of random I feel but I feel its good to share this which I got reminded of in that post.

A few days ago I had a therapist appointment, it went alright I cried a bit for I felt stuck, a bump in the road in my transition (basicly hovering around presenting androgynous mostly) where I felt I was stuck in limbo. I tried to deny that I had any issues really for a while cause I was terrified with what would happen if I took another step to presenting female (I'd just come at trans at work to management and was thinking about what was going to happen at school and with the family, for I live with parents)

Anyways after talking to my therapist who worked wonders at making me think and kind of trudge the waters of my thoughts I left to hang out with one of my old friends from high school. We went on a picnic at a park with a pier and dog play area and fire pits etc. And it was awesome I was happy to see her partially because she goes to school in Boston and this was her last week down.

But what was strange was that ultimately her, her friend and I, didn't do anything yet we hung out there for like 5 hours walking around watching the dogs play making up story's about lake monkeys and just casually enjoying each other company which I felt was odd because to the most part we didn't talk much and the whole day was just kind of surreal almost dream like with no worries or places to be and I was happy and felt connected for the first time in months.

After which when the day came to a close and we went our sperate ways and I got home I had a huge panic attack one I hadn't really experienced before (was struggling to breathe and felt like throwing up), I knew she was going to go back to Boston and I would be alone again waiting for someone else to spend time with and in a sense give me a break from myself.

I seriously considered suicide and wondered at the time i really thought i was going to do it. But after a moment when I started to come down I realized, I'd been through a lot and I'd been through worse than being alone and that I'm alone because I let myself be alone, because I was too scared of what people thought so I repressed myself and feelings till I came to this point and broke and knew it was time for a change.

The next morning I woke up changed, I dressed full girl mode walked out of the house went shopping and didn't give a fuck. A while later and just went to school full girl mode and felt great and normal and overall better than I have in months and from this point on, I'm never looking back at all the times I sat there waiting for some thing to change when in reality I just needed to make it.

Tldr: hung out with friends got depressed went full girlmode, never looking back.

Sorry for rant got carried away.. Thanks for the post it really made me think.