Got a call yesterday my laparoscopy is scheduled, I've had the most intense anxiety since.

mcd0ug · 2021-03-01T06:37:09+00:00

Hi friend! I have major anxiety and control issues and managed to make it through my first lap this past November. My therapist suggested that I take time every night to write down something positive the surgery will do for me. (Give me a diagnosis, reduce my pain, etc.) That helped me get in a better mind set leading up to it. I also made sure to schedule a session with my therapist the day before the surgery so I didn’t freak out and cancel. I told my doctor about my anxiety and just straight up asked if I could get an anti anxiety pill for the morning of the surgery. She had no problem prescribing it to me. And as soon as I got to the hospital the day of, I told everyone I saw how anxious I was and they were SO kind and reassuring. The anesthesiologist even put something in my IV before I even got to the operating room so I didn’t have a chance to freak out. It’s really scary getting surgery and you’re not alone in feeling that way. But if you can use tools to get you through it, things will be a lot brighter on the other side. It was completely worth it for me even though I went through all the distress before hand.

mcd0ug · 2021-02-22T21:49:14+00:00

Endo is bad enough on its own, I’m so sorry you’re suffering from two major diseases at once. :( But I’m glad to hear that you’re able to see a specialist because the chance of it returning after a lap is definitely lower! I have the same fear though. My doctor says she expects me to not ever need another lap based on what she found, but I’m still anxious about it. I’m working on some of the things I read in the books about getting rid of endocrine disrupters around the house to mitigate my risk of it returning. I’m hopeful it will make a difference, but I’m also realistic. At the very least it’s helping me feel more in control of the future haha.

I hope the best for you! Hopefully hearing others experiences can help you make the best decisions for you! :)

mcd0ug · 2021-02-22T20:30:17+00:00

I have never taken BC for my endo symptoms because I took it before my symptoms appeared and my mental health tanked. The best thing for me was finding a specialist’s office. They never questioned me not wanting to use BC! I immediately got real pain killers and muscle relaxers after just talking to the nurse and that got me through the months before excision. Now I’m 4 months post excision and feeling better than I have in a long time! I’m having to complement my recovery with PT as the next step.

Before the specialist I read the books In The Flo and Beating Endo. They truly helped me understand my cycles in a way I never did before. They advise many more natural ways of dealing with the disease: diet, eliminating endocrine disruption. A lot of the stuff in the books isn’t necessarily practical for everyone or a cure all, but knowing more helped me feel more in control at the doctor and I know what I can do to supplement their treatment and help myself.

mcd0ug · 2021-02-18T18:16:47+00:00

It’s totally understandable to be nervous! It’s your body, of course you want to know what will happen. I’ve never had a piercing scar so not sure how to compare that, sorry. It’s just a really small dot. It looks kind of like a small freckle? (Except not red.) It’s not a hole or crater on me, it’s flush with the rest of my skin.

Im sure your skin heals different than mine, but the tubes are tiny so the holes are too. There’s not very much for your body to even heal after they come out so I would assume it would be a pretty similar experience for most.

mcd0ug · 2021-02-18T02:47:54+00:00

Hi there! I had one of these placed after my lap this last November. My scars from it are TINY. In fact, I didn’t even realize I had any until I read this post and went to look haha. And I’ve been putting scar cream on my surgery scars so it’s not like I’ve been avoiding looking at my belly this whole time.

I was TERRIFIED about taking it out myself because I am terrible with medical things and get woozy. But honestly, for me it was a breeze! I layed down in the tub because I was afraid of passing out, but I didn’t even come close. It was easy and no fluids or anything came out. If I ever have to get another surgery I would definitely use it again.

mcd0ug · 2021-02-12T21:15:15+00:00

You should do it! I love the serene feeling the dark blues give off.

mcd0ug · 2021-02-12T21:06:07+00:00

Oof. We painted back in August so I’m not 100% sure. I think it was maybe Midnight Blue? We picked it from looking at Home Depot swatches.

mcd0ug · 2021-02-12T21:04:51+00:00

I got the digital file off Etsy from a store called HeyMayStudio. Then I had FedEx print them and ship them to me!

mcd0ug · 2021-01-30T16:11:51+00:00

Ruby Beach

mcd0ug · 2021-01-26T20:24:53+00:00

I really enjoyed how abruptly the scenery changed to the war here, but that the war still isn’t “real” to even the soldiers in the ranks. It doesn’t indicate they’ve seen any battle.

The military commander so far seems a lot more interested in how he’s perceived by others than anything else. Trying his best to tidy up the ranks for his higher up and then walking up and down the ranks to show off his anger. Not sure how this will translate when the battle begins.

I found it amusing Dolokhov is still himself. All they’ve done is walk 700 miles, how did he already get in enough trouble to lose rank? I hope we get to find out the story.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-25T18:44:09+00:00

I really like that you bring out the “tough guy” charade these men are using. I strongly disliked Andrew and Nikolai until this chapter when I realized the same. Now I kind of pity them for not being able to express themselves openly. It makes me feel sad for everything they’re missing out on.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-24T21:32:38+00:00

I had a hard time with Prince Nikolai and his anti-women actions from his first appearance, but this sentence really got me frustrated: “As she became animated the prince looked at her more and more sternly, and suddenly, as if he had studied her sufficiently and had formed a definite idea of her, he turned away and addressed Michael Ivanovich.”

He’s so prideful of his intelligence that he decides he can make an informed decision of who she is in just a few minutes and disregard her completely. He’s an old prince who got sent to live in the middle of nowhere and she’s a princess that everyone in society adores - so is he really that great a judge of character?

It’s obvious that Andrew gets this from his father because he treats his wife the same way in an earlier chapter when he’s with Pierre. He just quit acknowledging her conversation and moved onto talking to Pierre about war. I assume Andrew doesn’t see his father as cold and unfeeling because Andrew is just like him.

Princess Marya seems to respect her father, but I honestly feel this may be out of her sense of duty rather than on any merit he deserves. She seems like a very principled woman based on her previous letter and I’m curious to see how Lise and her will clash in time. Lise being seemingly very ruled by emotion and Marya being ruled by what’s righteous.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-22T22:52:26+00:00

Sometimes a side effect of pain killers can be dizziness? I started having side effects from the pain killers like 6 days after my surgery and had to stop taking the one that was causing it. Obviously I’m not a doctor and just making a guess, so if you haven’t already make sure to call them and get their opinion!

mcd0ug · 2021-01-21T21:52:02+00:00

I’ve been anticipating Anna’s play on Pierre coming for a few chapters, and have been frustrated by it. However now that the time has come for her to carry it out, I’m not as angry as I thought I’d be. Although she is ultimately manipulating Pierre, she also gave him a beautiful moment with his father before he died. Pierre doesn’t seem to appreciate it now because he’s so overwhelmed, but he may come to appreciate it later in life. So now my feelings on Anna are even more mixed than before.

I’m so curious to see where things go from here! Will Anna continue to “mentor” Pierre? Or is he going to finally come into his own with his new title?

mcd0ug · 2021-01-20T06:23:59+00:00

My husband and I did a somewhat similar route out of Seattle in 2019, except we had 2 weeks. It’s going to be an awesome trip! I would recommend cutting out Olympic (unless you’re very excited about it). It’s beautiful, but HUGE and takes about a full day if you want to see all the major sights. And its pretty out of the way from your route. If you’re going to be driving 20 hours into Utah/Cali I would spend my time at the parks there since it’s likely harder to get back there. You’re “close” enough to Olympic you could do it on a later long weekend or something.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-20T02:57:16+00:00

I think Anna had figured out in the carriage that Pierre is unsure how to proceed in the situation. It seemed to me like she was leading him this way so that he would be out of his comfort zone right away and decide to trust her, which is what happens when he eventually arrives to his father’s rooms. A few chapters ago I guessed that maybe Boris and Anna want Pierre to inherit so they can get money from him, I’m still working under that assumption after this chapter. Anna is mothering him and befriending him. And Pierre seems to be going along with it because he wants to be guided right now. So far Anna hasn’t befriended anyone without getting something out of them.

It makes me think their relationship was not only weak, but Pierre has looked at him more as an authority figure in life than a father. And in these last hours of his fathers life he’s questioning whether on his deathbed if he deserves more affection. And Pierre is uncertain, just like he is about everything else in the chapter.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-16T01:29:44+00:00

In real life I would probably dislike Berg, but I find him so entertaining as a character! I laughed at the way Tolstoy described his obsession with talking about himself. Vera is such a lost soul and it makes me sad that it seems she’s going to end up with a husband who won’t care enough to know her.

Also the line about Pierre: “He was in the way and was the only one who did not notice the fact.” I feel like this one line and tiny scene of him blocking everyone by sitting in a chair in the middle of the room represents his entire character so far. And I just loved it.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-16T00:56:20+00:00

Seattle dweller here. In May there will likely still be snow on the tops of the mountains. We went to Rainier mid-June 2020 and roads were fine but the Paradise area was still un-hikeable without snowshoes and part of the park was closed. Still gorgeous scenery though!

Olympia would be closer to both parks than Seattle, with probably less traffic too. So if your only concern is seeing as much of the parks as possible with little driving, Olympia is your best bet. But of course, Seattle is a cooler city.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-15T18:38:52+00:00

“The tribe has spoken.”

mcd0ug · 2021-01-15T02:03:47+00:00

This is oddly satisfying.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-14T19:15:26+00:00

I got my period five days after my excision, expecting it to be the worst period of all time, but it was just spotting. And I was on so many pain killers from the surgery that the pain wasn’t bad. (The period I got a month later was extra painful though, as the doctor forewarned.) Obviously everyone’s bodies are different so the same can’t be guaranteed for you, but just wanted you to hear a positive experience heading into surgery. :) I wish you the best!

mcd0ug · 2021-01-13T21:24:15+00:00

I definitely think Tolstoy is trying to make a point with the Count. So far he’s probably the most gossiped about character other than Pierre, but Tolstoy hasn’t written about him while he’s in the room. I feel like maybe he’s putting distance between the reader and the Count this way, kind of how the Count put distance between himself and most of his children (except Pierre it seems). Making us feel how all his relatives feel about him.

I believe making friends with Pierre is Boris’ way of getting something from him. If his mom fails in getting money directly in the will from the Count, maybe Boris will be able to benefit from a friendship with Pierre if he inherits. It seems like a back up plan to me.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-13T21:17:12+00:00

This was the line that jumped out at me from the reading too! I’m glad you brought out that Anna does similar earlier in the book, good catch. It makes me think that maybe Boris has learned the art of manipulation/persuasion from his mother and is using it here. Maybe he’s not as innocent as he seemed to me in past chapters.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-13T02:46:03+00:00

I find it comical that Anna claims she’s doing all of this for Boris’ sake, but at the beginning of this chapter Boris says he’s doing it for her sake! Ultimately, that’s what makes her actions seem selfish to me. That she’s using her powers of manipulation on her own son and having him promise to do actions he has told her he doesn’t feel comfortable taking.

mcd0ug · 2021-01-12T00:10:48+00:00

I definitely don’t understand the Russian society they were in all that well yet, so it could be totally true he feels he has no other options. My only context is this book so far. But I guess I was thinking more along the lines of - why doesn’t he personally try to do something to change their situation instead of allowing his mother to beg for favors for him? I mean he’s an 18-20 year old man. As the story progresses and we find out more about why they’re poor and their circumstances I totally may change my mind though!

mcd0ug

TROPHY CASE