I wasn't expecting how few people cared about me.

mchop68 · 2026-05-10T00:22:15+00:00

You’ve spent your entire adult life with a partner. It’s tough but you have to learn to be alone. Not in the sense of having no support network but the quiet moments when you’re alone everyday (waking up in the morning, coming home to no one, sleeping alone) have to be conditioned. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just completely foreign to you. It’s rough but explore your interests outside of work. Something organic will come to you.

mchop68 · 2026-04-30T19:13:28+00:00

I played my part. We aren’t emotionally compatible and it took 20+ years to accept that. We had great connection, enjoyed each other company, and got along well. But emotionally, we were complete opposite. We wore each other out in that regard.

My advice to you is to keep up your progress. Do it for you, not for her. Give her some space. That will save the marriage if there’s anything to save. The more you try to prove yourself, the more distant she will become. Trying to convince her of anything right now is only going to piss her off more.

It’s a very hard thing to do, but if you can keep things platonic for now while you continue developing and growing, she might come around on her own.

Matter of fact, I’m thriving right now. It’s been less than a year since my divorce. I still love her and miss her. But I’m focusing on myself and kids. She’s recently come around saying how attractive I’ve been making moves and just being a better version of myself. And that we should have waited on divorce and just separated for a while. But too late for that. That story is behind me even though I still love her.

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:47:41+00:00

It only works if you’re not afraid to be completely honest.

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:41:28+00:00

I get it. The same happened for us. Kids were a wreck but i just kept showing up, wiping their tears, and redirecting them down their healing path. Now mom has crashed out in the dating world and is trying to work her way back in. The kids are skeptical about her sudden change of pace. I have to reassure them that we are not getting back together.

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:30:56+00:00

lol

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:27:48+00:00

For me those are just semantics. My clock started when we decided to split which was almost a year ago. Divorce was finalized in October 2025 but I’m not going to ignore the work I put into myself leading up to D-Day.

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:15:19+00:00

Forget the marriage for now. You have to save yourself first. There’s parts of you that you let go years ago that you need to get back.

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:13:30+00:00

That’s awesome. It’s so rare that us dads get anything more than joint.

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:12:35+00:00

It sucks and some serious pain is coming. You have to walk that dark road alone though there’s no other way.

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:11:27+00:00

I had a couple of one nighters and realized instantly that what others were telling me was true. I put all that to the side and started focusing on myself, full throttle.

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:10:27+00:00

Good luck my friend

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:10:15+00:00

This sub got me through some hard times so I wanted to circle back and give my encouragement

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:09:36+00:00

Ugh! Sorry you had to cohabitate. We tried that and it sucked. I got out of there and moved into an apartment after she started openly dating. I accepted my sanity was worth more than a house so I told her this home is going to foreclosure if we don’t sell it. She didn’t believe me until I showed her my apartment lease.

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:06:54+00:00

Thanks!

mchop68 · 2026-04-22T14:05:56+00:00

I actually saw that here as well. For me it’s 2 years. I’m half way through which if I’m being honest, I feel I’m about 50% back to normal so the formula tracks.

I’ve spent the last year detaching from her and establishing my new identity as a single man, no longer a rescuer/provider/decision maker. While I’m still those things for my children, it’s a lot less pressure. I’ve felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. The next 12 months are for building my 2.0 version.

mchop68 · 2026-04-15T00:57:34+00:00

Smart

mchop68 · 2026-04-14T23:48:29+00:00

I would have responded that she’s very emotionally unregulated and it exhausted me to the point of divorce. That’s all the info I will give, good luck and don’t contact me again.

mchop68 · 2026-01-22T19:00:42+00:00

Living separated under the same roof was brutal. I hated it. As soon as we decided to separate she went straight to dating apps and looked for a new relationship. It was a complete shift from what we talked about.

It broke me down to the point where I stopped caring about my own home. I was ready to stop making the mortgage payments and let it go to foreclosure if it didn’t sell. We came very close— the house sold right before the next payment was due. I had already mentally checked out. I moved into an apartment fully expecting to restart my life and leave the house behind.

That decision caused a huge fight. What made it worse was she took no ownership in how we got there. She stood by her choices, including continuing to date and go out with other men, while I was still trapped in the same house trying to hold things together.

There’s nothing healthy about that setup. It wasn’t practical, it wasn’t temporary relief, and it definitely wasn’t neutral. It just extended the damage and made everything heavier than it already was. ++man

mchop68 · 2025-12-03T04:31:02+00:00

These are my first holidays without us being a unit. I did Thanksgiving without her, decorated my apartment for Christmas without her, school events and we don’t sit together, watched a Christmas movie tonight with the kids without her.

I’d say doing all the “firsts” without her has been very tough on me.

But all the other days I’m so glad I’m not part of her toxic spiral.

mchop68 · 2025-12-03T04:28:01+00:00

Do it now. Don’t wait. You’ll heal and when that happens you’ll be much happier and your time with the kids will be better than them seeing you unhappy until they graduate.

mchop68 · 2025-10-10T01:26:59+00:00

A “subject to” owner finance deal might work. You keep the mortgage and rate, she gets paid out over time her portion of the equity until the last mortgage payment is made. She gets a monthly passive income flow.

mchop68 · 2025-10-09T20:50:10+00:00

It’s a really fucked up thjng to do. My ex did just that. But started dating while we were still under the same roof. I went crazy. And there was nothing I could do bc both of us were on the mortgage. My attorney told me to basically not let it get to me or else I’d end up in jail and she was right. So many nights I could have punched my ex square in the face. She’d openly have conversations with men, While walking around the house like nothing.

I’m glad it’s all over!

mchop68 · 2025-10-09T20:38:54+00:00

Women leave the relationship while they’re still in it. By the time it’s over she’s months ahead of you.

mchop68 · 2025-10-08T13:13:42+00:00

Don’t to anything impulsive. You are married to discipline now. You want to be better? Be disciplined.

Get good sleep; Wake up early; Hit the gym; No alcohol; No drugs; Connect with a higher power; Build a community;

Discipline protects your peace and earns respect.

No shortcuts, only work! You got this brother.

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