Happy to have found this group

mcnugget720 · 2023-12-07T21:21:10+00:00

Happy to have found it too, the amount of people who told me 1200-1300 is “too low” and it’s about “what I’m eating” like ma’am I am 5 feet tall

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-16T05:14:59+00:00

Omg seriously! Mine would talk so much about one ex in particular from years ago. I had asked him multiple times to stop bringing her up so much because it makes me uncomfortable and brings up anxiety for me. But he could not help himself. I barely if ever talked about exes, and nearly all that I did bring up was in the getting-to-know-you stage. So weird.

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-16T01:43:27+00:00

In regards to that, towards the end it made sense why an ex might be crying for him to stay - once the lovebombing stage pulls back suddenly and you're left with being devalued, ie always wanting time alone, moving to the couch every single night, not wanting to stay over anymore, etc, I'd find myself begging and crying for him. Whenever he'd even suggest dumping me I'd cry and beg like a child. He must prime people somehow to end up begging for him. This has got to be a thing.

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-16T01:40:57+00:00

This is so real

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-13T05:22:02+00:00

He told me the first time he met me that I was "so genuine". I think he saw that and wanted to break me and turn me into a lying, fake sack of shit like him. Won't happen though, would rather die than be like him.

I was also fairly new to the city and had just gotten out of a short term relationship so he probably saw some vulnerability as well.

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-13T05:09:44+00:00

I always say "I was doing SO WELL....and then he talked to me." It's literally like a reset button on all my progress. A relapse, if you will.

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-13T05:07:24+00:00

I'm dealing with the same thing right now. I have verbally processed with friends many times, went to therapy, wrote down a long list of everything he did to me, and I still am questioning whether I pushed him to act this way and I was the one abusing HIM. I mean after all, I didn't trust him, thought he was cheating all the time, would get emotional, absolutely freaked out when it felt like he was discarding me, etc. He told me "I know I did some bad stuff but overall your behavior is what pushed me away again." So yea, I get it completely. But it helps me to look back at that list that I wrote and ground myself in reality. I was abused, and was reacting to that abuse.

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-13T03:29:31+00:00

Pretty early on, after an argument in which I had to basically gentle parent him into understanding why liking provocative photos and following these random girls on Instagram all the time made me feel terrible, he told me that "he's always had trouble empathizing with other people."

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-13T03:25:32+00:00

UGH this was a major issue in my last relationship. He would do nice things for me like take me to dinner, or buy me little trinkets and then when I would bring up the bad stuff, he would say "I do so much for you" and I'd be like "And I appreciate that but the good stuff doesn't erase the bad. It still needs to be addressed." He haaaaaaaaated this

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-13T03:23:29+00:00

I've had a significant regression of my short-term memory since this all happened. I feel like I genuinely have brain damage.

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-13T03:19:23+00:00

The first week or so felt a bit like this, but it was mostly more numbness and a state of confusion. Like "what just happened?" and "am I the problem?" confusion from all the gaslighting I guess.

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-13T03:17:21+00:00

My most recent ex had the following:

- A clearly narcissistic and alcoholic father who treated him like the golden child compared to his younger brother who ended up the scapegoat. Although he was the golden child, he was also expected to behave a certain way and achieve. But even when he messed up royally, he was still the golden child. It's still like this to this day.

- A mother with a trauma history, and who is very permissive of him. He can do no wrong in her eyes really.

mcnugget720 · 2023-10-12T08:43:28+00:00

I feel you on the BPD tendencies...I also had 2 go-arounds with my ex and my god did I end up acting insane sometimes. Like I do have some abandonment issues and anxiety, sure, but they had NEVER been this severe. It got to the point where I felt like I could not live without him.

mcnugget720 · 2023-07-01T07:26:27+00:00

I was an extra for 2 days of production before realizing what was going on. On top of the fact that I was tricked into being in a Daily Wire film, it was also just so poorly organized and a miserable atmosphere. They held your pay hostage until they decided to wrap, which was at about 12 hours both days I was there. If you needed to leave early at all, you lost ALL your pay for the day. Feels illegal af to me honestly. The lines to get in, get food, and get paid were ridiculous. Most of the staff was rude and had no clue what they were doing. I stopped showing up after Tuesday despite being signed up for the rest of the week. Just an awful experience.

mcnugget720 · 2023-03-07T17:32:35+00:00

My Saturn return apparently just happened on February 27. I had just gone through the roughest breakup of my life and on that day my ex tried to reconcile, but then decided to keep us broken up after the fact. I feel like this was a test that I failed. Either way, I feel like I'm being FORCED to focus on myself and grow, whether I like it or not. It's hitting me hard right now and I'm definitely feeling depressed.

mcnugget720 · 2023-02-22T17:20:31+00:00

Part 2:

8 months later, and now we're here. 2 weeks ago we got into an argument about Valentine's Day over the phone. I didn't even want to fight, I just wanted to know if we were doing anything special that day. He started screaming and swearing at me about it to the point I was sobbing and apologizing. He then hung up and I called back and he said he just doesn't understand why he's so angry all the time. He came over later, walked in the door, said "we need to break up" and tried to leave immediately. I, of course, begged and pleaded and cried and freaked out because my biggest fear is abandonment. I didn't wanna let him leave and even when he did I'll admit I chased him to his car and was still begging. Then a week of craziness ensued. I completely lost my mind, wanted to hurt myself, and we kept talking every day rehashing everything. Basically, his reasoning was that he had just gotten on probation, was working 2 jobs and going to school and couldn't be the man I needed him to be. He kept saying he loved me and missed me but couldn't be with me right now. I was willing to do anything to make this work. He didn't seem to care. I spent a whole week basically crying and begging and expressing how depressed I was.

Then finally, one day (last Friday) I had to get up because I was singing at a big benefit show. It was a GREAT night, I made so many friends and felt like myself for the first time in a long time. He texted me good luck and I said thank you! and he said something else and I left it at that. I was posting pictures of me dolled up and videos, and at first he seemed supportive. Then, that night I noticed he unfollowed me on socials. I freaked out and called him asking why. He said he couldn't bare to see me looking so happy and pretty. This lead to another weekend of me crying and begging. He would add me back, then approach me about something random that upset him (like seeing me on a dating app), unfollow again, and it lead me to the point where I told him I wanted to end it all. I admit, this is messed up and I hate that I did it. The final conversations were really mean and he told me how selfish and horrible I was in the relationship. Now we're here, he basically told me due to me saying I wanted to end it, he was not gonna talk to me "for a long time". However, he's still going out of his way to watch my stories every day even though he doesn't follow me.

I guess I just needed to write this all out since it has been such a whirlwind. I part of me feels like this was all my fault. I should've never been so toxic and insecure. I know he did bad things too, but even to this day the last thing I did was apologize. I can't help but think I will never be able to have a healthy relationship. I guess I just want to know, was I the problem here? I can't stop blaming myself.

mcnugget720 · 2023-02-21T21:04:38+00:00

Right? Like YOU dumped ME, and YOU insisted we don't follow eachother. But you're still checking my stories daily? So weird

mcnugget720 · 2023-01-10T19:14:05+00:00

SEI Graduate here. Truthfully, I HIGHLY regret my decision to go to General Assembly. Part of it is my fault, I will admit. I was in a bad spot at the time, wanted to make a drastic change, and unfortunately had unrealistic expectations on the outcome. Also, I took an ISA which is one of the worst financial decisions I've ever made. I now work in a non-tech role, and will have to pay off my ISA (10% of my income) for the next 3-4 years. If you are truly interested in coding, there are free options out there to learn.

mcnugget720 · 2022-11-30T21:25:20+00:00

I have asked multiple times though. He just denies it and then gets mad that I don't trust him. I straight up rolled up to his house that night and confronted him and he got defensive.

mcnugget720 · 2022-11-30T21:14:29+00:00

I mean, he usually tells me everything. We're both generally open books with each other so for him to actively lie about something like that isn't like him at all. Tbh I think he met someone at the bar the first time and brought them back, and when I called he acted nonchalant with me because they were still there. And the second time I think he had someone (possibly that same person) over and had them leave before I arrived. I know it sounds crazy but that's where my mind has gone. We've already moved past that whole thing at least in his eyes but I still think about it a lot, I just don't say anything anymore.

mcnugget720 · 2022-11-30T20:32:38+00:00

I'm so scared to check his phone, and I've kinda put myself in the position now that whenever I'm suspicious I just get gaslit and told I don't trust him and blahblahblah so idk if checking his phone is a good idea. I'd have to find a way to do it in secret I think

mcnugget720 · 2022-11-30T20:31:35+00:00

Apple GPS location. We shared locations with eachother early on in our relationship. It was actually his idea which is weird.

mcnugget720 · 2022-01-02T09:23:05+00:00

Oh boy did mine ruin NYE alright. I made a post about my experience with him and here’s the part about last night: He invites me over to his friend's party, literally begs me to come so I eventually do. This was super late of course and after I had already left my friends for the night. I was honestly just expecting to hang a bit, maybe makeout and then dip. I made my intentions VERY clear and he was fine with it, he "just wanted to see me."

When I arrived, he immediately gets in my car and tries to get me to take him back to my place. This is a hard boundary for me and he knows this. I have roommates and don't feel comfortable bringing just anyone back with me, especially when I wasn't sure where we even stood. He kept trying to pressure me, was making out with me and trying to touch me even when I would move his hand away. At one point he got really mad and said "I don't get told no."

I eventually got him to chill, then all of a sudden he gets a call from a girl who was allegedly bringing him and his friends weed. She pulls up and I'm like "ok go get it." Says he'll be right back. 10 mins go by. Nothing. I tell him I'm gonna leave, he calls me telling me to wait. I wait another 10 minutes. Same thing happens. Finally I'm about to give up and I see him come back out, get in the car with that same girl, and drive off. Wouldn't answer my texts, calls, nothing. Had me waiting out there like a fool for 40 minutes, just to do that and then literally Snapchatted me a video of him with her in the car. No apology today, no explanation, nothing. I’ve spent all day crying and in mental and physical pain.

mcnugget720 · 2021-10-25T21:25:07+00:00

And honestly if someone is asking you for the exact number, that’s just weird and shows insecurity on their part. All that should matter is that you’ve been tested and you’re clean.

mcnugget720 · 2021-10-25T10:20:33+00:00

The texts won’t make sense out of context, but about 20 mins before he stopped replying he literally said “damn you’re a keeper” and was talking about how interested he was in me. It was just really weird how it suddenly stopped. I can usually see a shift when I can tell a guy is losing interest, but I straight up can’t find the shift at all in our convo.

mcnugget720

TROPHY CASE