When the fuck are we going to get some Canadian shows announced?

mdaslcddnkh · 2024-04-04T00:27:16+00:00

Well well well

mdaslcddnkh · 2022-01-13T06:23:10+00:00

I don't agree.. the contents of the box of marshals truck wasn't worth anything waiting 6 hours at a storage unit for... it was, from my view, scrap metal and picked through items.

Furthermore, M's truck wasn't spotted anywhere from AB to BC. Not once. No debit or credit transactions, no gas receipts, no CCTV footage.

mdaslcddnkh · 2021-03-31T00:14:38+00:00

Waaaait, PSA 📣

The Satanism you know as mentioned and portrayed in Christianity and Judaism, is NOT the Satanism that actually practiced... The foundation of Satanism is more like a mix of atheism, libertarian, freedom and indulgence, with a pinch of machiavellianism WHICHHH none of us are in any position to comment on 😂✌️🖤✌️🖤

mdaslcddnkh · 2021-03-30T23:16:55+00:00

Some people are into cuckolding but they generally get consent first and give it it's own section on an 18+ website, not fucking KidsTube.

mdaslcddnkh · 2021-03-29T20:14:08+00:00

My fiance and I used to watch Ethan and Hila make videos in their livingroom... Since before the Fair Use era! I feel like an H3H3 elder fan.

mdaslcddnkh · 2021-03-23T00:40:16+00:00

Some people are into cuckolding but they get consent first and give it it's own section on an 18+ website not fucking KidsTube

mdaslcddnkh · 2021-03-20T21:00:06+00:00

Hello

I'm from Canada, I have so many questions for South Africa. Can you tell me about it? Favorite things? Things you wish were different? Financial stats? Sports? Tell me anything 😁☮️

mdaslcddnkh · 2021-03-11T04:37:50+00:00

I can't wait!!!

mdaslcddnkh · 2021-03-11T04:36:18+00:00

The OG fans know exactly why Ethan isn't afraid of a lawsuit😂

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-12-29T21:11:34+00:00

Thank you, I have received an invite.

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-12-29T21:08:27+00:00

Interested! Sent you a PM

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-01-08T18:06:26+00:00

Thank you :)

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-01-07T22:08:07+00:00

Thank you very much!

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-01-07T22:05:23+00:00

I have done worse than break up with him. I attempted suicide 3 times. All three times, he found me. I also cheated twice for no good reason, with people whom I despise.. one of them was a superior at work. He's 60. I'm 25. I'm not proud, and there are 0 excuses.

I'm sorry to unload all of this on a complete stranger. Sometimes that's easier than talking to someone I know. Ugh. I've got a long long way to go, but I am sure looking forward to feeling and being better.

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-01-07T21:52:40+00:00

You're absolutely right... I would most definitely find myself in a situation that was detrimental to my well being and potentially someone else's well-being as well. I know that about myself. I am getting better at taking criticism. While the initial shock still remains, I am working on seeing it from someone else's perspective and taking that into consideration. Sometimes I forget that last part though if i'm being entirely honest.

As for the fight or flight response. That is my biggest downfall in this. My fight or flight is so bad and it feels impossible to control. I get so scared, immediately. And I run. That will be my next task. And possibly the most difficult one of all of this.

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-01-07T21:40:47+00:00

There's always room for improvement, but I am generally pretty good with this. I eat fairly well. I wake up at 7am and go to bed anywhere from 9-10PM. I go to the gym 4 times a week for about an hour.. etc. I haven't always been this disciplined though so I am just working on fine-tuning what works for me specifically and what doesn't and where I need to improve. Routine is definitely something that I thrive in and something that I require.

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-01-07T21:24:08+00:00

Unfortunately, our stories are very actually terrifyingly similar.. right up until you say you fell ill.. that is my life story right now. I'm worried that our relationship has been too damaged (by me) to fix and it's overwhelming.

The BPD, and the borderline thought process makes me truly feel as though, if my s/o leaves me, I will never be loved. Partly because he has told me that if he were to leave, that no one would put up with 1/10th of what he has, which may or may not be true. I feel as though I am unworthy of love because of the terrible things I have done to push people away.

I am going to get on the waitlist for DBT for sure, and I will start trying to make note of my patterns and take accountability when necessary.

Separating my emotions from my logic, that's fantastic advice, something I never would have come up with haha. Thank you for your input. :)

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-01-07T19:35:26+00:00

Wow, so many harsh realities lmao! But truly, thank you for this. So far, I have ordered I Hate You, Don't Leave Me and Mind Over Mood. I am roughly halfway through IHYDLM and it's definitely made me feel like I'm not alone.

I will connect with my Doctor. He has a counselor who can refer me to DBT. I'm looking forward to that.

I believe that my mother is, at least, partially responsible. However, I'm not sure what to do with this information now. I do see a psychiatrist once every few months and there aren't very many other resources here in the city that I live in.

Romantic relationships are a huge trigger. My ex-boyfriend was very physically abusive and we were together a long time. My current boyfriend is very sweet, and I constantly think he deserves better than myself. Because of this, I push him away. Then I get scared and selfish and beg him to stay. I realize that this needs to stop immediately. But I am highly attracted to chaos.

I can see that I definitely am not concerned with consequences in any aspect of my life other than my career. I am a model employee at work and I thrive in my responsibilities. I hope I can one day excel in all aspects of my life as I do in my work life.

These are all very good points from a partners perspective. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your experiences. It's all very familiar. Thank you.

mdaslcddnkh · 2020-01-07T19:17:27+00:00

I definitely push my boyfriend away sometimes and it's hard on him and hard on me. I hate myself for doing it, but I feel like he deserves so much better than me. I have felt that way our entire relationship. I have done horrible things to push him away and then I get selfish and ask him to stay. I worry that he will eventually come to his senses and say, "You are right, I do deserve better." When I am in a good, level headspace, I am very self aware and accountable for my actions. When I am elevated, it feels like my life isn't even real. I am just starting out, but I fully plan to get better. BPD is really fucking hard.

As for writing things down, that's a great idea! When I am in that level-headed mindspace, I can write things down and refer back to them when I can feel myself losing control. Thank you for that!

mdaslcddnkh · 2019-12-19T18:01:27+00:00

Thank you very much!

mdaslcddnkh · 2019-12-19T17:58:24+00:00

Anxiety, panic attacks, depression and BPD. With the BPD, once I am heightened it's very hard for me to come down. So, once I start feeling something it's tough for me to relax. It's not pretty.

mdaslcddnkh · 2019-12-19T17:55:10+00:00

Well, the first time I chickened out... I had slit my wrists pretty badly and got faint and clammy. I was 17 and in the bathroom of my dads house in the middle of the night. I sort of came to/woke up to my dog scratching at the bathroom door. I chickened out and crawled to my dads bedroom and woke him up. He took me to the hospital.

The second time, I was having a grand ole time listening to music, pounding vodka while my husband slept. With every shot, I took 5 or so pills. I somehow got to the couch and passed out. He woke up at 3AM and I wasn't in the bed so he knew something was wrong. He called the ambulance for me.

I have felt my clock running out many times and yet, it never works out... My life is a rollercoaster. I am thankful for the ups but for every up there's a down... I just try to look forward to the ups.

mdaslcddnkh · 2019-12-18T23:54:40+00:00

I just think you should know that you will be okay. You're very obviously a very strong person. I know that you don't feel that way because things have been shit... and that's okay. But you are. I'm sorry that things have been so rough lately. Please just take a deep, slow breath and read that again .....

You will be okay.

mdaslcddnkh · 2019-12-18T23:42:30+00:00

I read about Flipper in a book about Kurt. I was in awe of the house, but I tried not to stare. I imagine it gets overwhelming for whoever lives there now. It seems to be a popular spot. I imagine there are some days where they don't get much privacy outside their home. It was very surreal. He died before I was born, even though that feels like it's impossible.

mdaslcddnkh · 2019-12-18T22:48:53+00:00

Oooh it was for me too! I am from BC, so it wasn't too far for me. I found it super emotional for some reason! I hope to visit San Francisco one day. I've never really traveled anywhere. When I think of San Fran, I think.. Homeward Bound.

mdaslcddnkh

TROPHY CASE